Buppie Must: Manage Your Money

I am always looking for ways to manage my money. I mean, maintaining my lifestyle and reaching a financial goals are important to me. Wanted to share an avenue in which I get a lot of my tips.
I use 7/10 of these services. Buppie Must Do!

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Ten Financial Companies to Watch from Finovate 2009

from Money Under 30 by David Weliver

I’m blogging live today from Finovate in New York, a one-day conference featuring the best new financial and banking technology innovations from leading established companies and the hottest young startups. I just finished listening to 31—that’s right, 31—presentations. Let me assure you, there’s a lot of exciting stuff happening behind-the-scenes of your bank account. There are also a lot of finovations that you can (or will soon be able to) interact with directly. Here are some of my “first impression” favorites. Enjoy!

1. SmartyPig: Goal-Based Saving

SmartyPig is the place to save for specific goals. Launched at Finovate 2008, SmartyPig has collected over a half billion dollars in deposits without spending a dollar in advertising. SmartyPig features a competitive interest rate on your savings, widgets to encourage friends and families to contribute to your saving goals, and the ability to receive up to a 6% “boost” on your savings when you withdraw money via a retail gift card (for example, if you were saving for a specific item). SmartyPig also announced today the ability to link Twitter and Facebook accounts to your SmartyPig account so they automatically send an update whenever you contribute money to your savings goals.

2. MShift: Deposit Checks with Your Cell Phone

MShift is a leading provider of mobile banking solutions to financial institutions nationwide. MShift already lets banking customers check their account balances and pay bills from most mobile phones (not just iPhones). Today, MShift demoed how users can deposit a check with a mobile phone simply by taking a photograph and texting the image to the bank. To use MShift, you’ll have to wait until your bank or credit union adopts their technology.

3. Home Account: Making Getting a Mortgage Easier

For every ten mortgage applications in the U.S., only four close. Home Account can help the forty percent of Americans ready to buy a home find the guaranteed lowest cost mortgage and help the 60% of home buyers who can’t yet qualify for a mortgage take specific steps (like paying off debt, improving credit scores, or putting more down) to become qualified. Users pay either a one-time fee of $49.95 or $10 a month.

4. Tile Financial: Connecting Advisers with Young Investors

In the next 10 to 15 years, young generations will inherent over $1 trillion. Problem is, young people aren’t identifying with today’s financial advisers and institutions. Consequently, 90% of the time money changes hands, it also changes banks or brokerages. Tile Financial aims to help banks and financial institutions connect with younger investors, especially those ages 15-25.

Through participating banks, Tile provides an online personal finance management tool that allows users to see their money in three distinct “spheres”: Spend, Grow, and Give. As users view each sphere, Tile pushes content—but not ads—to help users learn about money.

5. Credit.com: Credit Report Card

Look out CreditKarma, there’s a new “totally free credit score” option out there: Credit.com’s Credit Report Card. The report card lets users see not only range estimates for all of their credit scores, but also a letter grade indicator of their overall credit health.

The report card then breaks down and grades you in the five areas that contribute to your credit health: payment history, debt usage, credit age, account mix, and number of inquiries. The credit report card is totally free for users and counts as a “soft inquiry” so there’s no impact on your credit score for checking.

6. Outright: Free Small Business Accounting

Did you know that 75% of U.S. small businesses are one-person shops? Outright.com is striving to be the free Web-based accounting platform of choice for those 20 million sole proprietors. I’ve written about Outright before and, in fact, I use them myself for my accounting for my own blogging business. They’re everything you need, and nothing you don’t. (If you’re not an accountant and ever tried to use Quickbooks, you’ll know what I mean).

Today Outright unveiled the ability to import expenses form credit cards and bank accounts as well as partnerships with PayPal and eBay. PayPal users can send or receive money directly from Outright, and eBay sellers can use an integrated version of Outright right from eBay. Not for everybody, but if you run a small business full- or part-time (or someday hope to), keep a keen eye on Outright.

7. BancVue: Kasasa—Power to Small Banks

BankVue is a company that will soon give hundreds of small community-based banks and credit unions the power to compete with the largest national banks through a joint product and marketing campaign: Kasasa. Banks that sign onto the Kasasa program will offer interest-bearing free checking, high yield savings, unlimited ATM fee reimbursements, and even monthly rewards like free iTunes credits when you do things that “make the bank’s life easier” like pay bills online or enroll in e-statements. Power to small banks!

8. Kapitall: “Elegantly Smooth” Investing Research

Investors simply must check out Kapitall. This feature-rich, elegantly smooth web-based application does for investing what the iPhone did for cell phones. Kapitall looks a bit advanced for real newbie investors, but should please everyone else. Sign up for the beta version today, and soon you’ll be able to trade within Kaptiall using an integrated TDAmeritrade brokerage account.

9. Mint.com: Budgeting Widget Now on Yahoo!

Online budgeting tool Mint has about 1.6 million users, but they’re hoping to blow that number out of the water now that the Mint budgeting tool is available on Yahoo!. Now, you can check your budget just as easily as you check the weather. Despite the budgeting tool’s recent success and acquisition by Intuit, however, Finovate shows that there should be plenty of formidable competition for Mint in the personal finance manager space.

10. BillShrink: Building a Better Decision Engine

There are a lot of sites out there that give users the ability to compare bank accounts and credit cards, but BillShrink is raising the stakes with a customized deposit search tool that can even show you, for example, how many ATMs a particular bank offers in your region (and how many are free). Shopping for a new credit card? BillShrink lets you see how credit card companies are doing with complying with recently-enacted consumer protection legislation. It’s often hard to say why one comparison site is better than another; BillShrink is certainly trying.

That wraps up my picks for today, but I’ll probably be giving shout-outs to a few more Finovate participants soon. Have experiences with any of these companies or services? Do share!

Oh Match!

This is CaliTransplant... yup a native LA girl trying to make it in the DC world. I will be dropping by to share some of my experiences here in the DMV from time to time. Today my entry is dedicated to DC dating, match.com style.

So I joined match.com within days of my move to DC. I was ready to get the ball rolling immediately. I wanted to cut out all the hoops and circles traditional “sifting thru the b*ll$hit” or “romantic networking/interviewing” involved. Was that desperation? I don't think so, I call it tenacity. Let's be honest, I moved to DC to be surrounded by successful professional black people and I figured the internet would be the quickest way to filter out the potentials.

And what did Match.com yield? Three prototypes that, should you ever consider jumping on the internet dating bandwagon, avoid like the plague!

The Misrepresenter: (yeah I made up the word!) – Yes, he lied! I expected a certain amount of truth stretching considering the forum we met, but STRETCHING THE TRUTH ABOUT HEIGHT is pretty much a NO-NO. He had me anticipating a man 6 feet plus, so I cranked out the “KILL EM GIRL” heels, showed up to the date, and was looking down on Napoleon. (And I am of average height)

New rule, whatever they write on their profile, subtract 2 inches.

The Bore: Physically, a delightful specimen. Intellectually, it was like watching paint peel! BORING AS HELL! This probably could have been avoided had I engaged in more than one telephone conversation with the man. MY BAD!

New rule, have at least two voice conversations, longer than 15 minutes, prior to the date.

The Absconder: This character takes the cake! Still scarred from “The Bore” I made sure to engage him in decent conversation on multiple occasions and determined he was date-worthy. And what happened you ask? He up and left in the middle of the date. Yup. Straight up BOUNCED! AFTER he called to push back the date by 30 minutes TWICE and AFTER rescheduling the date from the previous week because he was "under the weather”. THIS MAN LEFT!

-Scene-

Holding half a glass of chardonnay in my hand, this man stood up, closed the tab, dug in his pocket for a cash tip and then glanced over to me and asked nonchalantly “You done?”

I still had HALF A GLASS OF WINE IN MY HAND – No sir, I am not done! Did I say that? No, rather I held my glass up towards him indicating that the glass was Still HALF FULL, to which he replied “Ready?”

WTF!!!!! READY???!!!!????? What did he mean? In that instant, I was lost. Is he asking me or telling me? Ready for what? Ready to hit up the next spot? If so, with me? Without me? Ready to part ways for the night? What the hell did that damn “ready” mean?!

So in a confused stupor, I respond "…Well let me just chug this wine and I’ll be good…" And then he said - CLINCHER- : "Don't rush..I'm just gonna (inaudible)....excuse myself."

Ahhhhhh! I get it now!

-End Scene-

New rule, "ready" is now defined as - (adv.) IMMA UP AND LEAVE YOU IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DATE.

I know you are wondering, what happened to make him “ready”. Not sure really, but the date wasn’t exactly smooth to begin with. Besides the late start and rainy weather, He was a LOUDTALKER. LOUD AS HELL, to the point where other people kept looking at him CRAZY and I became self-conscious and uncomfortable. Then, facing the possibility of being temporarily deaf in my right ear, I had to tell him, politely, "whoa you are like yelling." (Hmm can that be said politely?) So all of that, in combination with awkward pauses, darting eyes and him sweating in his sports coat, eventually made him "ready."

FYI, I am on a match.com sabbatical, going to do it the old-fashioned way now – circulating and networking – I am sure it will reveal an experience just as colorful. Be on the lookout for an upcoming entry – DC dating – ol skool style.

Why I hate buppies

http://whatdcpeoplehate.blogspot.com/

is written by an uber fabulous woman who lives her life for her. Her blog is a combination of her daily rants and events reviews. Above all its is always *true*. In the spirit of showcasing good blog love, and I dearly enjoy True. She wrote this feature just for us. Enjoy and show her blog some love.

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Yall know that I love everyone and the diversity of people. But you buppies, yall can be quite aggravating. Not 100% cause I done kicked it with a few of yall. But seriously..somethings…Ugh..read on…

What I hate about D.C Buppies

1. You don’t know anything about them other then how many degrees they have. The conversation goes like this “so what do you like to do” them: “Get my 2^nd masters and PHd”…”No what do you LIKE to do..like outside of that “ “Is there anything outside of that?” “what do you like to do for fun”..Fun….”whats that..im working towards my 5^th degree.”

2. All they do is work…WORK WORK WORK..and work…AND WORK..the hell you working so much for. You gon be old by the time you get finished doing all that work. Working all them hours and all that time so you can live comfortably. And by the time you done, you gotta move to a retirement home LMAO. Never statisfied MOFOS lol

3. They think they better than everyone else…WHY..I dunno. Cause they are in more debt than others from home ownership and college loans and what not? Cause they have the entire alphabet behind their name? Cause they pay too much for rent just to say they live in a certain area…BOOO…

4. They care too much what people think – wtf..do yall dance, sing, get loud, have a hair out of place. Sometimes I think yall are effing robots. I bet you if you go near water you will malfunction. Mm Hm…I know that’s the real reason why you don’t see buppies getting into the pool at pool parties and why they claim they can’t get their perms wet. Whatever. Yall aint human..I want to see some sweat or blood or something. So what if you like Gucci Mane. Your 15 degrees won’t get revoked if you do something ignant every once in a while. No one is REALLY watching you..trust me.

5. Buppie MEN don’t think any woman is good enough for them - yall might as well date eachother since you too good for every damn woman you meet. You’d be quick to by a round of drinks for your man but not 1 dranks for that pretty lady standing next to you. UGH…like I said. Date eachother. Dammit..better yet..date your degrees

6. Buppie Women..STOP HOLDING UP THE DAMN WALL in the club. It has support beams. Let the beams do their job. Smile too. I know its hard for you to smile when your weave is so tight or your perm has burned your scalp, but its going to be alright. We see that you fly? You don’t have to mean mug us to get us to notice it. Smile and be proud that you independent and on your way to wealth. Besides..your nose will get stuck that way (shoot that’s probably what you want)

7. Stop Discriminating - yall worse than racist mofos. Yall got education discrimination, area discrimination, job discrimination, salary discrimination, house discrimination. DAMN..Im bout to write the NAACP about our own damn people call Farrakahn and Al Sharpton. Yall need some sensitivity classes and some reality check 101. SHYT HAPPENS..its not above you.

8. They all seem to be the damn same. They act the same, talk the same, like the same things. Shoot. That’s how you can spot them. You can’t tell them apart. If they say “We” all look alike its cause of you damn buppies. Least with ghetto girls you can tell the difference by what color they have on.

You know what, maybe its because they don’t have degrees on how to be yourself. If you can’t learn it in a college or textbook or spend thousands learning it, then its something you don’t possess or know how to do. Do they have degrees in PERSONALITY? If so yall need to obtain one. Matter of fact, let me start the True’s College of Personality. This will not be online, it will be accredited and will count towards your degree in getting of your high horsededness.

Now don’t get me wrong, I know not all buppies possess all these qualities. Some do some don’t. And PLEASE I’m not asking you to change. Hell you don’t affect me in anyway other than the monotony of your lives being in my face all the damn time. That’s cool tho. Someone’s gotta be a buppie just like someone’s gotta take out the buppies trash.

True

Feature Blogger: I'm Sorry Mr. President

I would like to introduce you to Something Special! She is fellow blogger, and I enjoy her work very much. I want you to support and subscribe to speakresponsibly.blogspot.com today. It is a buppie must! Check this here blog out. Awesome Thoughts! and Buppie Men, please comment!

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I've been forming this particular entry in my mind for awhile now. I did a entry not to long ago stating a Woman needs to be a Queen if she wants to be blessed with a King. I still stand by that and now I'm out again to speak to the guys. Your a special case; you can't just be King. You need to be King, Priest, and Prophet.

I first came across this theme months ago listening to a teaching from Bible Study entitled "Why Can't We Get Along" which discussed some of the difficulties men and woman face while dating (Fabulous teaching find it and more great ones at http://www.chrisburgeministries.org/). At the time I heard the theme I understood it but having had an opportunity to marinate on it awhile I've realized its importance.

King in Scripture very generally used to denote one invested with authority, whether extensive or limited. I am a Queen (or rather one in training lol I still got some relationship kinks to work out); and the only suitable mate for a Queen is a King. A King that is well aware of his position and the responsibility that comes with it. He is the provider (and that is not just in terms of dollars and cents), protector, and is called to lead("with a humble heart and loving service to your wife"). Also the bible talks about this little thing called submission that has been misconstrued far to often. God NEVER said we are inferior to our mates. "Headship" means that God has called the man to lead his home—and will therefore hold him personally responsible for what goes on in his home. The emphasis is on responsibility and accountability, not on authority and power.” To submit to your mate is not weak. Women was created to be Man's help mate so it is clear that we must recognize his role and put him first. As his help mate we must understand that he has the final decision. Notice I said FINAL decision; whatever the issue it should be discussed amongst you both before a final decision is made. While dating you should be looking for traits that let you know that you can respect and trust the decision your mate makes. If he wasn't good with his finances when he was single, if he hasn't fixed the issue by time he says "I do" don't expect good financial decisions to be made for your family. No I'm not telling you to let your husband run your family to the poor house; I'm telling you to take preventative measures BEFORE you get married so you can trust in those decisions later.

Priest At first every man was his own priest, and presented his own sacrifices before God. Afterwards that office devolved on the head of the family, as in the cases of Noah (Gen. 8:20), Abraham (12:7; 13:4), Isaac (26:25), Jacob (31:54), and Job (Job 1:5). Your mate is charged with making sure the family is spiritually grounded. Laying the foundation for his Queen and their children. He needs to not only pray WITH his family but pray FOR his family. He must set an example for them to help with their spiritual growth. He has to know and make sure his family knows he is in 'power' but God is in control. He has to "lead his wife and children into God's presence for worship, to remind them of God's Grace and mercy in forgiving their sins and to intercede on their behalf".

Prophet was a spokesman for God; he spake in God's name and by his authority (Ex. 7:1). He is the mouth by which God speaks to men (Jer. 1:9; Isa. 51:16), and hence what the prophet says is not of man but of God (2 Pet. 1:20, 21; comp. Heb. 3:7; Acts 4:25; 28:25). A man needs to have a vision for his family. Not a only a vision for HIS future, but his entire families future. What kind of future does he see for his family? For his marriage? For his children? Is he thinking in terms of generational blessings? Generational blessings will not just serve his family NOW it will serve his family long after he has passed and gone.

Now just yesterday while talking to a male friend of mine he told me I maybe looking for a needle in a haystack. Asking a man to be King, Priest, and Prophet may be a bit much he said. He told me that he and his wife operate on a governmental scale. He is the President and she is the VP. Now I'm not knocking their union at all but I encourage you all to do what works for YOU.

This would not work in my favor for several reasons. To name a few: (A)There is a not so clear separation between Church and state; that will not work in my household. (B)The president's job is temporary whereas the King's position is till death. Too many marriages these days think in temporary terms when the vows clearly state: "Till Death do us part,". Now if you made modified vows ignore that last one! (C)Also though the President is the face of the country there is still congress and the judicial system; and that brings way to many opinions into my household. Having spoken with a couple divorcees: congress not passing a bill has been the reason for many impeachments to date. I'd like my household to consist of two decision makers: King and Queen. If I wanted a group discussion I'd of got down with polygamy. (D)Lastly, I don't need to worry about campaigning, primaries and elections. NY Times nor Barack's endorsement holds a candle to God's endorsement and appointment. Therefore, no need for me to go looking for a needle in a haystack. God will present me to my King, Priest and Prophet when I'm deemed ready(see: when I finally get the major relationship kinks out and can call myself a Queen). I have faith in THAT; So I'm sorry Mr. President but I'd rather have a King, Priest, Prophet

For further study on this subject go to this website for more information it was truly helpful to me along with my own thoughts and bible study notes. http://www.cbmw.org/Online-Books/Building-Strong-Families/The-Husband-as-Prophet-Priest-and-King

How About A Divorce Between The Right and The Left (Dwn Twn)

Oddly enough, this was circulated via email around my job. HR quickly replied how this was out of policy. As always share your thoughts..

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Original Article

Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists, Obama supporters, et al:

We have stuck together since the late 1950's, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has run its course. Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right so let's just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way.

Here is a model separation agreement:

Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each taking a portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes.

We don't like redistributive taxes so you can keep them. You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU, and abortion clinics. Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military. You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore, Katie Couric and Rosie O'Donnell...

We'll keep the capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart and Wall Street. You can have your beloved homeless, homeboys, hippies and illegal aliens. We'll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms and rednecks. We'll keep the Bibles and give you CBS, NBC, CNBC and Hollywood ..

You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we'll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us. You can have the peaceniks, and war protesters. When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we'll help provide them security.

We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values. You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism and Shirley McClain. You can also have the U.N., but we will no longer be paying the bill.

We'll keep the SUVs, pickup trucks American made cars and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Subaru station wagon you can find.

You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any practicing doctors. We'll continue to believe healthcare is not a right. We'll keep The Battle Hymn of the Republic and the National Anthem and "In God We Trust" where it belongs. I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing, Kum Ba Ya or We Are the World.

We'll practice trickle down economics and you can give trickle up poverty your best shot. Since it often so offends you, we'll keep our history, our name and our flag.

Would you agree to this? If so, please pass it along to other like minded liberal and conservative patriots and if you do not agree, just hit delete. In the spirit of friendly parting, I'll bet you ANWAR which one of us will need whose help in 15 years.

Sincerely,

John J. Wall
Law Student and an American

P.S. Also, please take Barbara Streisand and Jane Fonda with you.

DR. J's POV on FWB

Buppie has been on the hunt for a male buppie perspective...WE think we have found him!

Preview this blog that caught my eye and look for more...

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THE REAL TALK ABOUT FWB: Friends with Benefits


I mean… what more can I say? Everyone these days is friends with benefits, you relationship fearing assholes. I’m going to step out of logic for a second and be real on the subject. I really advise against the situation. I mean I just don’t think you can really be friends because people will not want to share everything with their FwB. Like you can be my FwB, but do you really want me to tell you about all the other people I’m sleeping with? Can I really tell you that while I’m just having sex with you, that I’m really trying to see what’s good with this other girl who is wifey material?


There are a few way these things can end up for you:

(1) Someone is going to catch feelings. And when they do, they may not even inform you. But don’t front player, that ish is coming out sooner or later. And I got my money on at the worst time ever. For example, at happy hour you are talking about how you are happy to be single because you are free to go where you please with a group of friends. Your FwB storms out the room to the bathroom and returns with red and watery eyes talking about she has to go.

(2) You’re going to catch feelings. And when you do, damn homie… in high school you was the man homie. Imagine a conversation like this:
Bliggity: Yeah, so I think I’m starting to feel this chick.
Rod: Whoa man, you said, y’all was just f*cking.
Bliggity: Don’t you think I know what I said.
Rod: I’m just saying man, you over here talking about, “I think I love this girl.”
Bliggity: No I’m not. I’m just saying, I’m starting to feel the chick.
Rod: Of course you know this means that she just went from a chick you’re beating, to “the” chick you’re beating.
Bliggity: This why I don’t tell you nothing.
If there is anything worse than a guy who wants nothing to do with a chick who catches feelings, it’s a chick who wants nothing to do with a guy who catches feelings. Know your role and stay in your lane, chief. The best thing for you to do in the situation is wait a little while longer for her to catch feelings and if she doesn’t just step off.

(3) A misunderstanding of the rules because you have no expectation to set them.
Nakita: I want to talk to you about something.
X: Yeah, what’s good?
Nakita: Are you messing with somebody else?
X: Um.. why is that important?
Nakita: Because if we’re going to be messing, you can’t be messing with anybody else?
X: [hangs up the phone]
Ain’t it crazy when a chick who doesn’t want to be in a relationship wants to prevent you from finding a situation that works better for you?

(4) MY PERSONAL FAVORITE. When she realizes that she’s catching feelings and it’s not what she wants to do, she backs off. Then the guy is like, “I do not have feelings, so I’m not sure what’s going on. She said she doesn’t want to catch feelings, and I have not caught any feelings, and so I’m not sure why she’s leaving if we’re still on the same page.” I have no advice, I haven’t figured it out either.

(5) Someone gets in a real relationship. Damn Gina.
a. The real funny thing about this situation is, she’s going to introduce her FwB to her new boyfriend as just a friend. And I’m still trying to figure out if it’s better to be the dude who’s got the girl, and she only goes to that other dude for a fix, or the guy who is meeting the guy who now has the girl on a full-time basis and occasionally is summoned to hit it, NSA (no strings attached). Trifling ass broads.
i. This is why I always assume that a girl that I’m talking to has slept with all her male friends unless they’re gay. And even then, I’m still a little suspecting. LOL.

(6) Someone doesn’t want to be in a FwB situation anymore, they want a relationship, just not with you. Damn Gina. That’s what your ass gets for messing with someone on a level that they don’t respect you as relationship material, Real Talk.




See the big issue here is the lack of requirement of communication. It’s not really like you have to talk about feelings, and so you don’t. Besides, who likes talking about feelings anyway. As much as people think that women always catch feelings, men are very territorial. So while he may not want to wife her down, he wants to be able to have her when he wants her and doesn’t really want anyone else to have her.

Here are the basic ground rules, in my personal, unsolicited opinion of FwB:

(1) Honesty is expected.

(2) If question is asked it must be answered. Don’t be an idiot and ask questions that you really don’t want the answers to.

(3) Periodically an honest conversation should occur about whether the person would like to be in a relationship. Not necessarily with one another, but just in general.

(4) Don’t be so sensitive. (I know I am just as guilty as the next guy on this one, I’m just saying lmao.)

(5) Understand that everyone has feelings.

(6) Most IMPORTANT rule of life: Do unto others, as you would have them do unto you. If you are thinking about doing something, think to yourself, “Would I be upset if she did this to me?” or “Since I’m going to do it anyway, how do I prepare myself for her to do it back to me?”

Lastly, and most importantly never ever… EVER confuse FwB with someone you’re just having sex with. But that’s another blog for another day. And after the summer/winter of the side piece is over, next week expect a blog on that too. You are not ready, Aye!

Wait, I don’t even like berries....

Below is a blog, special feature blog. The writer wishes to remain Anonymous.

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They Say, “The Blacker the Berry, the Sweeter the Juice.” Wait, I don’t even like berries.

Preface: My mother is going to kill me.

Here lately I’ve been getting in arguments with my sistas about their hair. A few things:

1. I hate when women wrap their hair before bed. Hence, why I have two silk pillows on my bed, “just in case, they don’t want to get their hair messed up, [messing] with a [brother]” as Katt W. said.
2. I hate when some Black woman asks me what I think of her hair when she chops it off and goes, Happy I’m Nappy natural. I think the same thing each time, “That was stupid. (In the “That was easy” voice)
3. I hate the argument that Black women have problems working out because they sweat their hair out. I believe there are plenty of Black women who manage to work out and not sweat their hair out, that’s why they are in shape and others aren’t.

And then suddenly it hit me, it’s been a while since I talked to a woman with Black hair. And you know what? Seriously, just one day I just lost the urge to talk to Black women at all. I don’t think I’ve ever said, I’m done talking to Black women, I think one day I just said to myself, I’ve had enough I’m no longer limiting myself to a group of women just because they are Black. And this translated into me just not meeting or interacting with them on a romantic level anymore.

This was not spontaneous, it was gradual in nature. I think back on life and I’ve always had a thing for “redbone” or “high yella” women. In fact, the Summer of 2003 joke about me used to be that I like them, “light, bright and damn there white” or “oh yeah, lighter than that.” The last Black girl that I seriously dated was a “redbone” with hazel eyes. Sooner or later I was bound to just cross on over.

I never was the type to date solely in my race, my girlfriend in middle school was white. Oh and let’s be clear, she wasn’t a white girl from around the way, she was white. I went to a predominantly white school for college, I was in a predominantly white major, and I hung around a pretty diverse group of people. Naturally, I had sex with white women. It was never a big deal for me. And it wasn’t just white women, because it was Latina sisters too. Being from DC, once going to NY, I discovered different nationalities of Latinas, such as, Dominicans and Puerto Ricans. But still, “light, bright, and damn there white.”

So after a few bad experiences with Black women in DC after school, I just gave up on being the token Black guy. Yes, the token Black guy, a guy who is predisposed to only Black women for fear of persecution. And so I’ve now become a Black man who believes he has a great chance of never dating a Black woman again, unless she’s mixed.

I know the readers would like to know why, and I’ll tell you… I’ve noticed a REAL big difference when in relationships and dealings with white women.


I do not have to carry the race with my interactions with white women.
With Black women, you are representing for the whole race and gender of Black men. You deal with the baggage of every Black girl lost. And you’re just not trying to hear all that. I don’t want to deal with how Black men are always cheating and leaving some Black women for a White woman. I do not need to hear about how some Black man is always skipping out on his responsibilities. I do not need to hear about how Black women have carried the race for so long, that it’s time that Black men stepped up to the plate. I don’t need to hear that Black men ain’t sh*t. Excuse my French. Quite frankly, I’m not those men, so don’t compare me to them.

I’m not finished with this topic.
When I make a mistake, I now get the punishment of a repeat offender. It’s like if I cheat on a Black woman, because I cheated on a woman, I get punished for every other Black man who cheated and got caught or didn’t get caught. No, this is the present, I’ve made a mistake, and this may be my first mistake and I need to be able to make mistakes or this won’t go anywhere whatsoever. Lastly, when she makes a mistake, she can write it off by comparing it to the things that Black men have done in the past.

There’s a sense of entitlements that should not exist.
One of the things that caused me to get extremely frustrated with dating Black women was the sense of entitlement to dictating the way everything should go, as if they were owed something. They didn’t have to earn anything. When I was dating outside of Black women, that was different. I’ll give you two examples; Latina women will cook for you, Black women will tell you, “I ain’t your mother.” White women will chill in the house when you’re broke, Black women will tell you the second you decline going out, “How come we don’t ever go anywhere?!”


I know there are exceptions to the rule. But I’m very adamant about saying, that we are not judged by our inconsistencies, but by our consistencies. And if the large majority of you are one way, you need to huddle with your people about what the majority voice is before coming to me claiming to be the exception. I’ve been consistently happier dating white and Latina women than I have been dating Black women. I actually felt like I could be myself, I wasn’t living up to some norm or standard that I didn’t have any part in creating. Quite frankly, I haven’t been in a setting where it was predominantly Black since the sixth grade, it only makes sense that I need someone who understands that I’m multi-faceted. No, I’m not a Black man who doesn’t know he’s Black, I’m a Black man who knows he’s Black enough to not need to see a Black woman everyday to know that he’s Black. I’m a Black man who’s strong enough to say, as it stands for me, I just don’t think I’m compatible with most Black women.

Am I saying that I will never date a Black woman again? No, I’m merely saying it’s unlikely.



Reader’s Note: Through out this blog you may have noticed that I capitalize the “B” in Black, but do not do the same for the term white. I do this because Black is a race in America that represents a group of people who do cannot and do not trace their roots back to anything but Black. While white is a race, it is a placeholder for many people who can trace their roots back to a nationality but choose to use the term white to distinguish themselves from Black people.

AIDS: D.C.'s Silent Stalker of Women

MMPH. CELIBACY!

Original Here

AIDS: D.C.'s Silent Stalker of Women

By Courtland Milloy
Wednesday, December 3, 2008; B01

Can we talk frankly about HIV/AIDS and black women?

No? I didn't think so.

After all, who cares to tell sassy little Keisha that if she doesn't stop mistaking sex for love, her next mistake could be her last. Of course, that wouldn't be "age appropriate," now, would it?

What about the Widow Jones? Since her husband passed, she has been dating again. Will somebody please tell her that her new dude is on the down low -- surreptitiously having sex with men -- then bringing it to bed with her?

Can't do that, either. Why meddle in her business? After all, AIDS is only the fourth-leading cause of death for black women ages 45 to 54. Let the good sister have her fun -- while it lasts.

You might have noticed that I'm focusing on women and AIDS. Speaking frankly, that's because it's up to women to save their own lives. When it comes to sexually transmitted diseases, too many men are not trying to protect you. Most of the time, they are just trying to have sex.

Quite frankly, you would have thought more women would have caught on by now.

In the District, the number of women living with AIDS increased by more than 76 percent in six years -- nine out of 10 of them black women. The primary modes of transmission: heterosexual men who turned out to be IV drug users, ex-convicts who'd been having sex with men in prison, bisexual men posing as heterosexuals and outright dogs who make a sport of sexual conquest.

Here's another reason I'm talking to women: The District accounts for 9 percent of all pediatric AIDS cases in the United States. Blame the man all you want, but it's the mother and child who suffer most.

Despite two decades of advancement in the treatment of HIV/AIDS, "we're still struggling with how to teach people not to get infected," Don Blanchon, chief executive of the Whitman-Walker Clinic in Washington, said Monday at a candlelight vigil marking the 20th anniversary of World AIDS Day.

But how can we teach if we can't talk frankly?

There's certainly no shortage of public service announcements aimed at reducing infection rates among African Americans. But most consist of preachy platitudes, politically correct and "culturally sensitive" pablum: "Stay healthy." "AIDS is preventable."

The results should not be surprising.

"People know how to espouse what they heard, but for some reason it does not stick with them," Barbara Chinn, director of Whitman Walker Clinic's Max Robinson Center in Southeast Washington, told me recently. "They still look at prospective sex partners and say, 'They don't look infected.' "

Failure to tell it like it is -- that's what's really killing us.

"When assessing the HIV risk factors associated with African Americans, one particularly difficult area of debate is that of sexual behavior," said a recent report by Avert, an international AIDS charity. "For example, could the epidemic among African Americans be because, on average, they have more sex partners than Caucasians? Or because they have different, more risky, types of sex? Such questions may seem obvious, but trying to establish answers can be hard, especially when there is a danger that they could be interpreted as racist, or used in racist propaganda."

So let's just forget about the 2005 study by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention that found that black teenagers were more likely to have had four or more sex partners than whites and Hispanics by the time they graduated from high school (or should have graduated), and that African American girls were more likely to have had partners who were significantly older than them. African Americans are also more likely to have concurrent partners -- that is, more than one partner at a time, which can make HIV transmission more likely to be passed on to more than one person, the study found.

If ever there was a case for unvarnished sex education in public schools, the ongoing AIDS epidemic in black America ought to be it. Instead of education, what we get more often than not is homophobic nonsense from the pulpits of our black churches.

The District has the highest rate of new reports of AIDS in the country, and the highest mortality rates to go along with it. But the horror of it all barely seeps into our collective conscience.

"While Africa is the global epicenter of HIV/AIDS infection," Chinn told me, "the District is the epicenter in this country, with infection rates in some neighborhoods east of the Anacostia River rivaling those in sub-Saharan Africa."

During a World AIDS Day interview with ABC News, President Bush called his international program to combat AIDS "one of the most important initiatives of my administration" and praised it as a success. More than 2 million people worldwide have received life-saving antiretroviral treatments since the initiative began in 2003, he said.

He made no mention of the AIDS epidemic raging in his own back yard.

Once again, mum's the word. Perhaps in the absence of frank talk, we could at least help young girls such as Keisha by getting them to serve a few weeks at an AIDS hospice. Careless sex would likely lose its sheen once they realize that their lovers could be the Grim Reaper in disguise.

Survival Guide

10 THINGS TO HELP YOU BE THE BEST YOU EVER:
A YOUNG BLACK WOMAN'S GUIDE TO SURVIVAL
Written by: Dana Orr, Esq.

10. BE SELECTIVE IN FRIENDSHIPS.
Friendship is not charity, it's a give-and-take relationship. Your friends should be people you love, admire and respect. Don't be afraid to expand, or change your circle of friends. As you get older, you may head in a different direction than those you once considered your "best friends forever". As you evolve and mature, you may grow apart from friends who no longer fulfill you - it's ok! Hold this person in your heart, but be true to yourself when devoting time, energy and emotion to anyone you seriously consider a "friend".

9. RE-INVENT YOURSELF WHEN NECESSARY.
Self-reinvention is a way to constantly reflect and assess your goals and priorities in your personal, academic and professional life. The concept of self-reinvention allows you to reconsider your lifestyle and, at any given moment, change a particular course of action. The beauty of this process is that you don't have to beat yourself up about behavior you consider undesirable. You should actually feel great that you have enough sense to realize the error of your ways (whatever they may be), and can spontaneously commit to change. Congratulations - you just solved a problem!

8. PROTECT YOURSELF.
HIV/AIDS is the #1 killer of black women ages 19-27 in America . You are not corny or lame if you insist on an HIV test before having sex with someone. In fact, you're stupid to give up responsibility for your health and put your life in someone else's hands. Please DO NOT FALL FOR the age-old trick: "Look at me - what am I supposed to do now?!" All men masturbate. Politely tell your partner that he should focus on "self- love" until you're certain that he deserves to enter your temple.

7. JEALOUSY IS A WASTED EMOTION.
People who love themselves and recognize their worth are unable to be jealous of others. Why? You should be so preoccupied with loving yourself and changing what you don't like, you have no time to worry about what others are doing. Being jealous of someone is a waste of energy. You cannot control other people and the choices they make, or the luck they have. Weak people let other's circumstances affect their self-love and/or self-worth. Resist the temptation to be envious, as it will get you nowhere. If anything, let other people motivate you to achieve certain goals for yourself.

6 . CARRY YOURSELF LIKE A LADY.
Embrace that which makes you a woman, and by all means, take advantage of the privileges that we have. Force men around you to treat you with the respect they would their mother, aunt or sister. Insist that your doors be opened for you, order your food first in a restaurant, and sit in the front seat if you are the only female in the car. There is nothing wrong with being "pleasantly demanding". Along with the privilege of womanhood comes a certain responsibility. Being a true "lady" means you exhibit manners that would make your grandmother proud, your clothes are tasteful and appropriate for your age, and your hair and nails are always clean. These little things make a big difference in how you are viewed by outsiders, and the quality of men that you attract.

5. KEEP UP WITH CURRENT EVENTS.
Staying in touch with what's going on in the world is very important. Not only is it important to be aware of national and global issues, it makes you a lot more interesting to others because you always have something to talk about. It doesn't take much to watch the news, read the newspaper online, or buy an issue of TIME magazine or Newsweek. Don't forget - parents and teachers are a great source of information on current events, and would love to have a conversation with you about something "serious".

4. Travel.
Do you have a passport? If not, get one. Before you are saddled with the responsibilities of a job and a family, take advantage of your freedom and travel. Instead of buying a new outfit, buy a plane ticket. See other parts of the world and observe other cultures. More importantly, have fun! Plan a trip with a friend to a social event in another city, a beach on an island, or a city in a foreign country. Capture your memories with photos or in a diary (or a blog). You will cherish them forever.

3. Be Proud To Be Black.
Black culture and heritage is based on strength, perseverance, and rich talents. You should have an overwhelming sense of cultural pride - as black people, we are so very special. Don't EVER feel as if you aren't equal to another person simply because you're black. If you have any question as to the importance of black people to our society, or how smart, beautiful, talented, funny and fascinating we are, start reading. Watch old movies. Read plays. Go see plays. Buy tickets for dance and musical performances. Seek opportunities to study academic topics involving, or related to, black people. Talk to your relatives that lived through some of the historical events you've heard about. Get on the Internet and study people with whom you're familiar. Keep in mind, black pride doesn't mean exclusion of others. It is most impressive when you seek to educate other cultures about the beauty and greatness of being black.

2. Have a Cause.
As long as you're here, it is your duty as a human being to help make the world a better place. Let your natural talents and passion lead you to an issue that keeps your attention, and to which you can commit your time and money. Get involved with groups that already exist. If your particular cause is new or unique, start your own group and make your friends join. Helping others is an easy way to feel good about yourself, and invest in the future of your community.

1. Love Yourself.
This is #1 and most important, yet challenging, mission to accomplish. Self-love is critical to survival at any age, and may be quite a personal journey. Loving yourself means recognizing, developing and honoring a sense of self-worth. Loving yourself means you have zero tolerance for anyone or anything that doesn't love you and respect you. Loving yourself also means you must treat yourself well, simply because no one else will do it for you.

A Decent Analogy from Steve Harvey

Quite often in the morning I listen to the Steve Harvey Show and I must say I enjoy it. The one thing that I particularly appreciate about Steve Harvey is the fact that when it comes to relationships he tells it like it is! ESPECIALLY to the WOMEN! He does not sugar coat anything for the ladies and points out things that we should know about the male psyche and where a lot of women make common mistakes when dealing with men. And these common mistakes are ones they make over and over and then wonder why they still don't have the man they so desperately want. He was also saying how men can only get away with what you let them and will only push the envelope as far as you will allow as a woman. Today was a particularly interesting show because a male listener wrote in talking about the "game" of men and it spurred up some interesting dialogue. Steve went back to a lot of the common complaints he gets from women about men and put it in a spiritual perspective.

Women are always saying they are doing what they should to get a man looking in the right places and such when in actuality they are not. Then they go asking GOD why haven't you sent me my soulmate yet. GOD is similar to a football coach. He says run down 5 yards do a lil jook and jive then cut over 10 yards. The player says ok. So then the player goes out runs down 5 yards does a lil jook and jive and then cuts over only 6 yards and goes hollering "I'm open!" The play doesn't work because the player doesn't follow the coaches instructions. And the coach is like wait, wait did you not hear what I said? So they run the play again and the player starts well again and at the end runs 8 yards instead of 10 and guess what....the play still doesn't work. Well in the cases we are talkin about women are wondering why their play hasn't worked but GOD is saying I told you not to sleep with that man yet. OR I told you not to start talking to that same man you been messing with again just because this other thing aint work. These mistakes that women make are equivalent to not following the coach's play instructions and then they wonder why GOD hasn't sent them their perfect man yet. He may have sent him and you just misread the play!

You know what Steve.... I think this is a GREAT analogy!

No Way. No How. No McCain

Written By: Angela Natalja Maxwell

1. McCain voted against "Equal Pay for Equal Work" for women in the workforce. When asked about his stance, he said that women simply "need more training" instead of more money. Currently, women make-on average- .60 on the dollar compared to men in the same positions.

2. McCain voted against Joe Biden's "Violence Against Women" act that funded shelters, support groups and rehabilitation for victims of domestic violence and abuse. He said that the funds requested for this act could better be used on bigger issues in America. I guess the money was better suited for an unjustified war.

3. McCain voted against the MLK holiday and deemed it "unnecessary as a government holiday". ENOUGH SAID.

4. McCain is against Roe vs. Wade. He said that he plans to appoint enough Supreme Court Justices to make abortion illegal. Mind you, the Republicans don't care much for medicaid but want to force women with unwanted pregnancies to be mothers who will likely have no insurance and, if he has anything to say about it, no medicaid. In the same breath he failed to explain why he did not support birth control being covered by insurance while he was all for Viagra being covered. YES FOLKS! Birth control isn't covered BUT Viagra IS because of buffoons like McCain.

5. McCain is bringing back the DRAFT! That's right folks! When he kills off all the current troops and no one wants to voluntarily sign up for the Republican's biggest money maker- WAR- then he his going go after our beautiful little boys- mine is 3 years old and the Republicans CAN'T HAVE HIM! If you are not filthy rich, your son is going 1st and then we will REALLY have something to cry and shake about!

6. McCain, who never fails to remind us that he is prisoner of war, DID NOT support the Montgomery GI BILL- TWICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! For those of you who are not familiar with this bill, it provides funding to support US veterans when they return with housing, education, etc. I guess because he has always been wealthy and didn't need it so he didn't feel like anyone else did either. Ugh! McCain also failed to support investigations and revision of health care for disabled veterans and the health care systems that support them like VA hospitals.

7. McCain has voted against raising minimum wage 19 times. I guess if you have NEVER made minimum wage in your entire silver spooned life, you have no sympathy for people who are trying support their families with minimum wage as prices for food, clothing, gas and other necessities continue to rise because of things McCain DOES support like big oil, war, and higher taxes for the "un rich" because the rich "worked hard to achieve the American dream and shouldn't be taxed for their effort" (May 2008).

8. John McCain supports $200 billion in new tax breaks for corporate America, $1 billion alone for just eight of the largest companies, but no relief for 100 million American families who are on the verge of losing their homes and can not afford the daily necessities of life- let alone health care or saving for education and retirement. Oil companies post the biggest profits in history,a half trillion dollars in the last five years, and McCain wants to give them another $4 billion in tax breaks (from which he stands to benefit I'm sure).

9. McCain has repeatedly voted against incentives for renewable energy: solar, wind, biofuels. Solar energy developments could have richly benefited his state of Arizona- but why care about your state and constituents, right?


10. I'll make the last one light and personal since John McCain's new ads directly refers to Obama's beautiful daughters as "brats". John McCain cheated on and left is disabled wife to marry his plastic surgery poster child mistress Cindy Lou (who still hasn't released her tax returns so we can see how much he personally gained from this war along with Dubbya and his Dick) which is oddly enough how Cindy Lou's mom stole her father from his first wife. Talk about family values. We won't be seeing genuine warm and fuzzy family moments next week at the RNC. If Cindy could feel her face, she would probably laugh it all off as circumstance. His children from his first marriage don not communicate with him AT ALL and he has rarely been seen with his adopted daughter from Bangladesh because we all know how Repubs feel about foreign kids- they don't. Basically, McCain support the war that we are going to "win" though I have no idea what winning means (getting control of their oil? killing them all?), made fun on more than one occasion of new wars he is interested in by saying things like "bomb,bomb,bomb,bomb,

bomb IRAN" and has also made threats against Russia. He would be as destructive, if not more, than Bush as POTUS[President of the U.S].

Knowledge is power.

What Jesse Jackson Said

I believe one of the roots of this issue that blacks need to understand especially black "leaders" is that Barack Obama is not running for the United States of "Black America" but the United States of America PERIOD so he is not going to sugar coat anything for Black America! I do agree though that perhaps something nicer could have been said for Father's Day. But at the same time Senator Obama had an absent father so maybe that gives him more passion for his distaste to this issue that plagues the Black community. It has also become strangely apparent that many Black leaders have a problem with Senator Obama because he is not using them or really asking them for much aid in this monumental endeavor to become the first Black president.

Anyway, I thought this article was a pretty good read and carried some very valid points.
___________________________________________________________

By Eric Easter (Chief of Digital Strategy for Johnson Publishing, Inc. He writes about politics, culture and technology for ebonyjet.com)

Jesse Jackson made a mistake and he has appropriately apologized. His language was unnecessary, his timing off and the venue (Fox News of all places) gave the comment an illegitimate quality that marred the underlying point Jackson was making, though the castration analogy didn’t exactly help either. It’s all about context. In another setting, stated another way to a different group of people, his comment could have had the power to begin a dialogue to address some of the concerns about Obama’s appeal to mainstream voters and what that means.
But of course, it’s not just what you say, it’s where, how, when and to whom that matter as well. He learned a lesson. But according to quite a number of prominent black activists who are strong Obama supporters but “lovingly critical,” Obama should learn a lesson about what he says and to whom as well. Far from some sign of a rift between Jackson and Obama, what Jackson said was repeated many times in various forms at the recent Rainbow PUSH Coalition by many thoughtful Black activists who, while supportive of Obama, also choose to be “lovingly critical” to ensure that Obama lives up to the promise he presents.

That this growing opinion surfaced in a troubling way is unfortunate, but the Obama campaign and Obama himself would be wrong not to listen to the writing between the lines.
At specific issue is Obama’s Father’s Day speech at Apostolic Church that focused on several points regarding the strengthening of urban families but focused most aggressively on the pathologies of a disturbing percentage of Black men. The fact is that Obama has given some version of his responsibility speech for years. He has written about it as well and as the son of an absentee father he speaks of the issue with passion and authority. It is a Cosby-esque speech (but so) and the message needs to be heard. But, as with Jackson’s example, it’s not what you say, it’s all about where, when and to whom.

When Obama uses a Black church pulpit to send his message of responsibility, he is preaching to the choir both literally and figuratively. The people who need to hear that message are neither on the choir nor in the church, which of course, is part of the problem.

But that particular speech was not in just any church. It was in the first Chicago church Obama attended after repudiating Jeremiah Wright and after resigning Wright’s Trinity Church after incendiary comments made by Father Michael Pfleger. The press and the world was watching and hanging on every word.

The fear among critics is that the real audience that day was not the Black people in the pews at all, but the white people in middle America looking for a strong signal that Obama was rejecting the politics of racial division and animosity. By choosing that moment to castigate Black fathers, some worry that Obama gave public voice to what white people whisper about Blacks in their living rooms and cemented his image as a post-racial savior at the expense of Black men. Whether that was Obama’ s intention or whether he just figured it was Father’s Day so why not do the absent Father stump speech again is impossible to know, but the event smacked of calculated political expediency that troubled more than a few people.

Arguably, Obama could have used that international exposure to salute the majority of Black fathers who provide strong role models. Or, since the issue was his choice of pastors, he could have simply sat down and listened to a safer sermon.

But the Father’s Day speech is only indicative of a broader issue. Rightly or wrongly, some Black progressives are deeply suspicious of the change in white America that has led to Obama’s position. Specifically that white people don’t just want political change, they want a change in the racial dynamic. And hearing about black problems does not fit into their idea of this new America that will be created when Obama becomes president. There are equal parts of truth, paranoia and resistance to change in that suspicion. That’s one of the reasons Jackson said what he did.

No one realistically expects that the first Black man with a real shot at President of the United States was going to be the reincarnation of Stokely Carmichael, but to the extent that some highly visible supporters are worried that Obama’s move to the center is a move away from urban issues and the community suffering from those issues, Senator Obama has reason to be concerned. Inelegantly, rudely and stupidly, that’s what Jesse Jackson was suggesting.

John Kerry with a Tan

Norquist describes Obama as ‘John Kerry with a tan’
By: Steve Benen

Grover Norquist has quite a history of being unhinged. He’s said the Estate Tax is morally equivalent to the Nazi Holocaust; he’s called WWII veterans “anti-American,” and he’s called bipartisanship “another name for date rape.” But this clown isn’t done pushing the envelope. Norquist dropped by The Times’ Washington bureau today and, as part of his negative critique of Obama’s liberal stances on economic issues and other matters, he termed the presumptive Democratic presidential nominee “John Kerry with a tan.” Since Norquist isn’t running for anything, he can get away with such remarks; we doubt McCain will be incorporating the line into his speeches anytime soon. Greg Sargent responded, “Guess it could have been worse. He could have termed the Illinois Senator ‘John Kerry in blackface.’ Such admirable restraint on Norquist’s part! It’s worth keeping in mind that John McCain has been cozying up to Norquist lately. Maybe some enterprising young political reporter can ask why McCain would want to be associated with this clown.

After Attacks, Michelle Obama Looks for a New Introduction

By MICHAEL POWELL and JODI KANTOR

Michelle Obama’s eyes flicker tentatively even as she offers a trained smile. As her campaign plane arcs over the Flathead Range in Montana, she is asked to consider her complicated public image. Conservative columnists accuse her of being unpatriotic and say she simmers with undigested racial anger. A blogger who supported Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton circulates unfounded claims that Mrs. Obama gave an accusatory speech in her church about the sins of “whitey.” Mrs. Obama shakes her head.

“You are amazed sometimes at how deep the lies can be,” she says in an interview. Referring to a character in a 1970s sitcom, she adds: “I mean, ‘whitey’? That’s something that George Jefferson would say. Anyone who says that doesn’t know me. They don’t know the life I’ve lived. They don’t know anything about me.”

Now her husband’s presidential campaign is giving her image a subtle makeover, with a new speech in the works to emphasize her humble roots and a tough new chief of staff. On Wednesday, Mrs. Obama will do a guest turn on “The View,” the daytime talk show on ABC, with an eye toward softening her reputation.

Her problems seemed hard to imagine last fall and winter. Mrs. Obama, a Harvard-trained lawyer, appeared so at ease with the tactile business of campaigning and drew praise for humanizing, often with humor, a husband who could seem elusive.

Then came some rhetorical stumbles. In Madison, Wis., in February, she told voters that hope was sweeping America, adding, “For the first time in my adult lifetime, I am really proud of my country.” Cable news programs replayed those 15 words in an endless loop of outrage.
Barack Obama often blurs identity lines; much of his candidacy has seemed almost post-racial. Mrs. Obama’s identity is less mutable. She is a descendant of slaves and a product of Chicago’s historically black South Side. She burns hot where he banks cool, and that too can make her an inviting proxy for attack.

Fox News called her “Obama’s baby mama,” a derogatory term for an unwed mother. Christopher Hitchens, a Slate columnist, claimed — with scant evidence — that her college thesis proved she was once influenced by black separatism. National Review presented her as a scowling “Mrs. Grievance.”

The caricatures of Mrs. Obama as the Angry Black Woman confound her, friends say. Her own family crosses racial boundaries — her mother-in-law and a sister-in-law are white — and she has spent much of her adult life trying to address racial resentment.
In her freshman year at Princeton, a white roommate’s mother agitated for her daughter to swap rooms. Mrs. Obama was among a handful of blacks at a prestigious Chicago law firm. As a hospital executive, she navigated the often tense line between a predominantly white-run institution and a suspicious black community.

But the 44-year-old woman known even to friends as The Taskmaster sometimes speaks with a passion unusual for a potential first lady. She tells voters that “Barack will never allow you to go back to your lives as usual — uninvolved, uninformed.”

She says she intends to evoke a John F. Kennedy-like idealism and highlight her own journey, but in her commanding cadences, some people — and not just conservatives — hear a lecture.
Before her husband announced his candidacy, Mrs. Obama confided in friends: Barack and I will cut an unfamiliar figure to most of America.

“It’s such uncharted waters,” said Verna Williams, a Harvard classmate and friend. “In a sound-bite era, where you have to come with a quick and dirty take, she doesn’t fit what it means to be an African-American woman.”

For the full article see: http://www.nytimes.com/2008/06/18/us/politics/18michelle.html

Why Hillary Clinton's Loss Has Nothing to do With Sexism

Testosterone is Not to Blame

By TIM WISE

Hillary Clinton is finished, and contrary to the insistence of many of her supporters, sexism has had virtually nothing to do with it.

Gloria Steinem was wrong in her now infamous New York Times op-ed a few months back. Clinton's problem was not that she was a woman and that 'women are never front-runners' (indeed, just a few weeks prior to Steinem writing those words, Hillary had been just that, not that facts matter, I guess). Her problem was that she exuded, as did her husband even more than she, a sense of entitlement, a sense of being owed the Presidency, a sense that--as I've heard so many white women say these past few months--'it's our turn,' as if philogynous voting behavior were the moral duty of women everywhere.

Please understand, when I say that sexism has had nothing to do with Clinton's electoral demise, I don't mean to suggest that there were no men out there who voted against her because of sexist, even misogynist views. I have no doubt there were. And it is certainly true that Clinton faced repeated denigration by male media pundits who played upon gender stereotypes and sexist imagery in their criticisms of her. All of that happened, to be sure, and it is indefensible (Interestingly, the worst example of misogyny probably came from Clinton supporter James Carville who suggested that Hillary has more balls than Obama, and ya' know, balls are just what the world needs more of).

But the media's sexism, and even the sexism that resides to some extent in all men in this culture--not because of some inherent evil, but because of the conditioning to which we've been subjected and to which we've usually capitulated--had almost no effect on the overall vote totals in the Democratic primaries. In most states, Clinton received roughly half the male vote: about what you'd expect in any primary where you have two candidates whose policies are so similar, and where the ideological differences between them are so small. And in almost every state, Clinton won more than half of the white male vote, often much more. Though she failed to win very many black men to her side, it's hard to chalk this up to sexism, given the presence of a black candidate in the race, whose chance at victory naturally has excited folks in the African American community, just as Clinton's chances logically fired up millions of white women.

To believe that her defeats were due to sexism--as if to say, but for sexist male voters, she'd have won--would require one to believe that in the absence of such a pernicious bias, she could have expected to win, say, 6 in 10 male voters: a result unlikely in any primary season, where voters are choosing between two pretty equally liberal candidates. Although sexism may well have helped defeat Clinton in the general election, had she made it that far (since, at that point, many men would have sadly been attracted to the hyper-militaristic candidacy of John McCain), given the choice between Clinton and Obama in the primaries, there is simply no evidence to suggest that gender played a significant role in tipping the balance of votes in his favor and against her.

Indeed, in several states (like Pennsylvania, for instance), among men who said that gender mattered to their votes, most actually voted for Clinton. In other words, there were at least as many if not more men who liked the thought of electing the nation's first woman president, as there were those who repelled from the concept. Although this would likely not have been true in November, the presence of enough liberal white men in the Democratic primaries made gender a net wash for Clinton, if not a net benefit.

Of course, many Clinton supporters will say that the rest of the men lied. Some will insist that most of the men who said gender didn't matter to them were phonies, maybe even a bunch of Neanderthals, who probably gave all their buddies high-fives at the strip club later that night, joking about how they'd fooled the exit pollsters. Whatever. Hey, it could be, and probably was a dishonest answer for some. But again, once you look at the actual vote totals it becomes obvious--however surprising it may be for some--that the numbers of persons whose votes were cast against Clinton for sexist reasons couldn't have been that large: after all, no male candidate in a race between two men, where both were similar in terms of their policy ideas, and where both had similar voting records, could have expected to do much better than half the male vote, which is essentially how she did in this race. For sexism to have been the dispositive factor, it would have to be shown that Clinton lost the votes of men that she otherwise would have received, but for her gender--an utterly impossible task, because it simply isn't true.

In fact, here's the biggest irony of all: what Clinton's acolytes ignore is that had her final opponent this year been a white man, she would likely have received fewer votes from white men than she has received against Obama. Meaning that, if anything, Clinton has benefited more from white racism in her quest for the nomination than she was ever harmed by male chauvinism and misogyny.

Indeed, racism--the force that Steinem and other white second-wave feminists insisted would be less of a problem for Obama than "sociopathic woman-hating" would be for Clinton (to quote writer and feminist icon Robin Morgan)--almost did make the difference in the primaries. Although that racism has been insufficient thus far to derail Obama's success, it has indisputably been a more potent force in terms of dictating voting behavior among whites, than sexism has been for determining the votes of men.

To wit, exit poll results from several states, including California, Arizona, Ohio, Pennsylvania and Indiana, all of which indicate that the margin of Clinton's victories in all of these was either equal to or smaller than the numbers of white voters who admitted that race was relevant to their vote, and then cast their votes for Clinton. In California, for example, Clinton beat Obama by 416,000 votes, but based on the percentages from the exit polls, there were 442,000 for whom race was important to their decision and who voted for Clinton. In Indiana, Clinton's margin of victory was only 19,000, but based on the exit poll there, nearly 100,000 whites voted for Hillary, because of race. In Ohio, Clinton won by 220,000 votes, but based on the exit polls, there were 246,000 whites who voted for Clinton at least in part for reasons of race.

In other words, but for the votes of whites who were willing to admit that their votes were at least in part cast for racist reasons, she may well have lost all of those races, and the nomination battle would have been over far sooner. There is simply no way to interpret the vote of a white person who says "race matters to my vote" and then votes against the black candidate, other than as an act of racism, just as there is no way to interpret the vote of a man who says "gender matters to my vote" and then votes against the woman, other than as an act of sexism. When you consider the likelihood that far more whites voted against Obama for racial reasons than would be willing to admit it--a proposition bolstered by decades of research indicating that whites typically downplay their racial biases to pollsters--the relative importance of racism compared to sexism in this race becomes readily apparent.

If we assume that two similar candidates would, in typical circumstances (that is to say, yet another race in which two men were vying for the nomination), roughly split the vote among white voters, as they would among men, then we can see quite clearly the effects of racism on Obama. Although he managed to win roughly half the white votes in a few states, in most places he received only about a third, and sometimes quite a bit less. In state after state, this racial gap amounted to tens of thousands (often hundreds of thousands) of votes, totaling more than enough in several cases to cost him victories in those places. Even if we allow that every white woman who voted for Clinton had understandable, non-racist reasons for voting for her, rather than Obama--and indeed, most would have voted for her had her opponent been a white man, just as they did here--the numbers of white men whose votes were cast for racial reasons would have, in at least some states, been sufficient to alter the outcomes of the elections. And for certain, even in those states where the racist votes would have been insufficient to change the final outcome, there is no question that they diminished the size of his wins and made larger his defeats, in ways that have allowed the primary season to drag on month after month.

None of this is to say that racism is a more important social problem than sexism: both are entrenched and pernicious impediments to equal opportunity, and both relate to one another in any number of ways. This, it should be noted, is especially true for women of color, whose status as equal partners in womanhood (and whose unique experience as women in a racist society), is often ignored by white feminists. In fact, in this election, the call from various feminist quarters for women to stick together on the basis of sisterhood (and the anger often aimed at women of color for not doing so) took for granted that black and brown women experience the society only or mostly as women, rather than equally as folks who can't qualify for the perks of whiteness: a taking for granted that, in and of itself reinforces both patriarchy and white supremacy, by erasing women of color from consideration altogether.

Perhaps the defeat of Hillary Clinton will expose for all the underlying racial supremacy at the heart of much white feminist analysis. Perhaps it will allow the development of a more complete and thorough analysis of patriarchy and the way it interrelates with white supremacy to divide and conquer groups that often have common interests. Maybe it will force white women like Hillary Clinton to confront their privileged mindset, their sense of entitlement (which flows uninterrupted and almost effortlessly from the fount of whiteness to which white women have had access, in spite of patriarchy). Or then again, maybe it will just lead white women to become pissed at black folks, who they'll be encouraged to view as having "stolen" the Presidency from them.

It wouldn't be the first time that a group of white liberals had missed the point, after all.