Hater B!tches Marry Hater NI$@@As and Have HATER Kids

It all started in the 90's. The concept of Hatership and Hatin'. But on the Lolo- It's been around for Centuries. Before Christ. One of the first haters was Cain, Eve' son. The Bible says that God was pleased with Abel's sacrifice, but not with Cain's. As a result Cain grew angry, dejected and jealous. (I.E HATE) Soon his fierce anger led him to commit murder. (Extreme Hater)

Now it has made its way to the 21st century, and it is beyond an OVERUSED expression, for some it is a way of life.

Here are some of my thoughts on hate.

HATE RADAR

Have you ever met someone for the very first time? You are cordial and all, but for some reason you just sense...HATE?! Never said a bad word to each other, but there is something there. Well that is your hate radar, and it is 80% accurate if you keep it real with yourself. KEYWORDS: KEEP IT REAL. Perhaps deep down it is you. Maybe this person makes you jealous. (Therefore you are the hater.) If so then that is your issue, and you have to figure out why. Maybe these feelings are needed for you to step your game up? Get better. Or maybe if you feel them hating, and they really do not know you well, then..HEY! Pat yourself on the back. You are doing something right! Right?

HONESTY vs. HATERSHIP

What about that person who you call a perpetual hater? You know them and they are always talking shyt or telling you things you do not want to hear. But deep down inside you know there is some truth to it! Sometimes people get honesty confused with hatership. The fine line difference are the type of relationships you have with a person and how the information was received.

Now some people live in this imaginary world of "They the shyt." (Narcissists) These folks are so interesting to meet. They justify all honest feedback or opinions of them as HATE. Come on now. Shyt don't stink until you smell it. These type of folks have nose congestion.

Personally, I try to keep my luxury of bluntness to people I fuxs with. Otherwise, some may misconstrue my honesty and care as hate. It aint hate, it is 100% the Districts Buppie telling you what I think. Now over the years, I have learned when to and when to NOT keep it "100". I always ask myself, "How can or could I have said that better?", "Was I invited to make a comment?", "Will this make our relationship better?" I have to say my bluntness has matured and tapered as I have grown. Unless invited, I keep my damn thoughts to myself.

But like I said it is a luxury for folks I fuxs with. The relationship matters. I cannot stand it when people who do not know me, try to tell me about myself?! How dare you. I have so much depth to my personality, if you only met me once, or saw me on a few occasions, you can not really know who I am. Don't talk matterfactly about shyt you don't know anything about. Here is really how some hate begins. People draw conclusions, and share those conclusions with other people. That is the hateful circle of life.

Now the people I fuxs with, have all the right to go IN. I mean feedback does help you grow. People who you really love and respect know how to convey a message genuinely.

HATE EYE V
Contagious! Yet the act of hating with a partner(s) is a dangerous yet sometimes gratifying activity. It feels good to talk shyt about someone in a group, when everyone is just going IN. Yep feels good, until somebody leaks and the person(who you burned by talking shyt), comes to check you. So what you going to do boo?! This is a true test. By now we should be old enough to talk shyt in a safely wrapped situation. Or if not a safe situation, keep you mouth closed.


So in short bups, I want to hear your most hateful story. Come clean, were you the hater? Or were you hated on? Or were you just being honest? Let's work to eradicate hate, one hater at a time.

Medical Marijuana?!

Do not even fake! Everyone knows somebody who is a functional a$$ weed head. In fact, these folks tend to be the most outstanding N!GGAS sometimes.That s$%t boggles my mind how one can smoke weed 8 hours a day and still manage to have intellectual conversation with relevant information to contribute in a team meeting.

On the other hand, we all have seen weed turn a buppie bad. Those are the saddest moments, because it can kill the potential and drive we all love.

15 jurisdictions in the U.S have opened medical marijuana joints. DC is now considering to join them.

I cannot help but think about the excuses people will come up with to get a prescription?! Shooot. We got Universal Healthcare too???! This will be the first time people will be happy to go to the clinic!

Buppie Don't: Jon and Kate Plus 8

This show used to irk the F%$K out of me. They had too many dang on Kids, and their lives were beyond chaotic. But KATE's a$$... OOOMG KATE's A$$!.


BITCH WAS CRAZY. She was clearly obsessive compulsive.One thing I noticed since the beginning was she wore the pants in the family. She treated Jon like a Second Class citizen. $5 a day allowance! Dang...

Here is the Buppie Don't:

1. Do Not Stifle a MAN.


Important for us Buppie Women who got alot going on by our dammie! We got the money clothes and the cars. We are successful..(Thanks Drake) But lets not nag and hold our position over a man. We have to learn when to let a Man be a Man.

But MEN, you better not be no punkass like Jon!

YO!!!!! Is it that serious?!

The other day me and MNG were on our way to dinner. I have noticed when the two of us are walking around in South Korea HE gets A LOT of attention. Everywhere we go Koreans are like "Hello! My name is..." or say something else in Konglish to get him to talk to them. I mean people stare at me and occasionally say hi and strike up conversation but I am nowhere near his popularity status. Maybe it is because he is a big black dude and that is just more interesting to Koreans. Who knows? Anyway back to the story at hand. We are walking down the street and a group of Korean teenagers approach us and say to MNG, "YO YO YO!"

I already knew the reaction that was coming because we had discussed this. He HATES when Koreans say "YO" to him! He doesn't like the fact that they think this is an appropriate way to address a black man that they meet. He has told me how he has corrected his students about it as well and now they know better than to say that to him. However, I have reminded him that we are in a foreign country and this just may be the perception that they have. Best Bup says he needs to get over it and realize that Koreans that do this do not know any better. But MNG asks if he said "ching chang chong chow" to a Korean wouldn't they be mad?

This made me think about all the wild stuff Koreans say and how when I get home I will be a lot more tolerant to ignorance. I also wonder if I should really be offended by some of the HOTNESS that Korea has hit me with thus far.

Wild sh*t Koreans say. Should we be offended?:

Ju Ju Boooooong!- So when Best Bup and another friend of ours were at dinner the waitress says to them "JU JU BOOOOONG!" They had no idea what she was saying but they were on a mission to find out. Later in the week they discovered that this means, "Big Tittieeeees!" Needless to say I was LMAO!

Nice face but you no good you have no boobs- So a few weeks ago I get in a cab and the driver greets me in broken English. I was a little relieved because that helps me when it comes to telling him my destination. He then proceeds to say random things that just blew me. He says, "You have pretty face! But you no good! You have no boobs. I like big boobs!" Again I was LMAO! Like dude I know I am a member of the itty bitty titty committee but you feel the need to say that wild shit to me???

Teacher, You don't taste like chocolate!- So my first month here a student licked my arm and then looked at me perplexed and stated, "Teacher, you don't taste like chocolate?!" Fa real kid????! I thought that was kinda cute though after I was done being grossed out.

Bali Bali!- This in Korean means hurry hurry. While at the ticket window trying to get information about the bus schedule the random Korean chick behind us smacks Best Bup's purse and says, "BALI BALI!" Best Bup is workin on "not being such an asshole" so she kept her cool and just rolled her eyes at the chick.

There are many more stories of hotness than this but I am drawing some blanks at the moment. But we all know if these things were said or done in America it would be more of an issue. But here I am learning to just let things roll off or use them as an opportunity to enlighten if I can.

NON STOP RADIO

Hiya Readers,
I had to put you all on to what so many of my friends are raving about.

"It's fun.. It's interactive.. You can call in or type alongside the talkshow in the chat and they'll air your comments."

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/NONSTOPRADIOSHOW


This Sunday's topic:

Ladies do you really have any true platonic male friends? Lets be honest, even if you weren't interested hasn't every male friend you have, had a crush on you, tried to holla, or tried to smash at one point or another? Forcing you to quietly escort him to the friend zone? Leaving him there permanently...

Fellas same question, how exactly did you end up friends with all theses girls who resemble each other and your last 3 girlfriends? do you keep friends that are your "type" because at one time you had an alternative motive??? Did you get diverted to the friend zone or hear the, "you're like a brother to me" speech and played your position until you realized it is what it is, lets just be friends?

This Sunday we are going to go in on platonic friends and get to the bottom of whether or not they really ever exist truthfully, OR are they a byproduct of something else turned "FRIENDSHIP".

We talked about this before in my "Boundaries" blog and "friendships vs relationships" and I feel like we should start the convo early in its pure form straight up is it possible, how does it happen and why or why not???!!!

A Glimpse at Korean Children

So recently me and a Fellow Bup (FB) teaching in Korea were having a conversation and this is a snippet:

FB: Please tell me why did a fat kid try to donchi me????!!!!???? I tried to break his arm after that!

Me: LMAOOOO

FB: I threw his big ass on the ground

Me: Why did he do that?

FB: All these kids are PERVS!

Me: Hol up what exactly is a donchi?

FB: When they put their hands together with the indexes out like a gun and try to ram it up your ass! They think that shit is funny!

ME: LMAOOOOO AHAHAHAHAAA!!!!

FB: They don't speak enough English to tell me where they learned that shit from. Who thought of that shit??? That's not something that I would have even DREAMED of doing to somebody, especially not a grown person or teacher.

ME: yeah man that shit is so WILD! AHAHAHA!

FB: That's a good way to F'ed up! It has to stop immediately...he didn't understand after almost getting his wrist broken the first time!

ME: So wait, they have done this to u more than once? The same kid? I wish one of my students would even think about doing something like that!

FB: Yeah, same kid twice today! He thought I was playing the first time.

ME: I grabbed a student up this week for hittin me tho! Like I grabbed him by the collar and pulled him to me LIKE DONT EVER IN YOUR LIFE TOUCH ME! Then let him go with a little force!

FB: Damn....hit you where???

ME: Like jumped and slapped both of my shoulder simultaneously! HARD TOO!

FB: Dang.....my kids always want to practice their Taekwondo on me or arm wrestle me....TWO losing battles!

Just a lil glimpse into the life of an English Teacher in Korea. Bad ass kids!

Hair Nightmares in Seoul

One of the biggest dilemmas that arose once I decided to live overseas was the thought of how I was going to maintain my tresses while I was away. I am very much an "every two weeks at the hairdresser" type of girl. (Though the recession slowed my roll on this to once a month.) After doing a bit of research I was happy to discover that they were a few places where I would be able to go to get my hair done and not be disappointed while I lived in South Korea. However, I didn't want anything extravagant done to my hair. When it comes to my hair I have always been a "basic wrap" kinda girl. Last year for a cruise my friend's convinced me to get micros in order to minimize the stress of having to do it after it got wet. I bitched the whole time about how much I hated my hair and how I was never getting these damn braids again. I keeps it simple and the braids were unfamiliar and not a look I liked at all on myself.

This weekend I decided to try out one of these hair salons and see what the result would be. Us ladies decided to do a spa weekend and just get some pampering done. (Hair, Massages, Waxes, Mani, Pedi you know the deal) The first stop was for hair. Now Best Bup was getting her micros redone so she and another friend went to an African salon in order to get serviced. My other friend was getting a sew in weave. Now these are 2 things that I do not eff with. I simply do not like weave. Now do not get me wrong, if a woman has a nice weave I definitely give props. Personally, I am just not a weave wearer. In addition I know from friends that wear weave that it is crucial to do your research before getting it done, from the hair you use to the person applying it to yo head!

So I go to my salon which is run by Koreans to get my hair done. Can you say EFFICIENT?! First I was pleased they spoke enough English in order to communicate with me. Second, they move with purpose. Third, THEY KNEW WHAT THEY WERE DOING! I had to wait like 10 minutes before I got my hair done but in those 10 minutes I was quite observant. I saw this one Korean woman gettin BUSY on some micros. Another, was applying color to a woman's hair while her co-worker was finishing her mani and pedi. Finally I saw another Korean woman pressing someones hair and it looked GOOD! I was interrupted by a woman who said, "Shampoo?"
"Yes please!" I replied
"Would you like deep conditioner?" she asked in her Korean accent.
"Umm yes!" I answered
And we were off. An African woman washed my hair and thoroughly I must add. I sat under a dryer with deep conditioner in my hair, was rinsed, and ready to be blow dried in no time. This place already had many black salons beat in my book because they respected my time. (Lemme not stunt I LOVE my hair stylists in Pgh and DC!!!! They are simply the best. I just gotta be there WAY too long!) An older Korean woman than blew my hair out STRAIGHT! Like she was not playing! Then flat ironed it. I gave her a little direction on how I wanted it to look and she knew exactly what to do. I was pleasantly surprised at how well my hair turned out. And to make things even better it only cost me 28,000 won! (This is roughly 19 American dollars depending on the day) I walked out feeling great and was eager to find out how the other ladies enjoyed their hair experience!

SMFH They weren't as pleased as me....

So Best Bup got some micros. I went to meet her at the shop she was in which was this small ass room with bags of hair hanging all over the walls. I know her very well and could tell immediately that she was not pleased. And I immediately saw why. Why was her ponytail once they pulled up her micros so damn STINGY?! Like seriously it wanted and NEEDED more weave bad. After later inspection of her hair we noticed that they used so little weave that her natural hair was sticking out of the braids in the middle. Now I am no weave expert but I do know that you need a good amount of hair in each micros so they look full. This woman clearly was trying to conserve her weave and Best Bup was livid!

Then my friend who was getting the sew in was up next. We will call her Bup #3. Personally, after the episode with Best Bup I would not trust this lady to do my hair. But Bup #3 kept her appointment to let this woman sew in her weave and was also disappointed. (I learned a lot about weave this weekend!) So Bup #3 wanted the hair "closed" I believe is how she put it. Anyway she didn't want any of her natural hair out! She kept stressing this to this woman but the woman kept saying that it would be better if they left some hair out. Bup #3 quickly figured out that this woman didn't know how to do this closure. Not to mention Best Bup and Bup#3 both complained about how this woman blow dried their hair. She didn't brush it or comb it as she did it. She simply grabbed a fistful of their hair and took the blow dryer to it. (I was really trying not to laugh as they told me this part of the story!)

Anyway Bup #3 is now pissed because in the front of her head her non-permed hair is out and this chick doesn't know how to close it so she just keeps insisting that it would look better not enclosed. This stylist then proceeds to put an ubberly huge amount of product (mouse, gel, grease, hell I dunno) on the hair that is still out and is about to take a flat iron to it! Bup #3 LOST it to say the least!
"I know you aren't about to put that flat iron in my hair after you just wet it with all that crap," Bup #3 exclaims.
"Yes I need to straighten it so I can finish your weave." the African stylist answered.
"Ummm that is going to FRY my hair! You need to blow dry it a lil before you put that flat iron in my hair! And I told you I didnt want any of my natural hair out! How are you going to finish this?!" Bup #3 asked truly perplexed.
"I will glue tracks in and blend it!" the stylist responded clearly annoyed with Bup #3's constant questioning.
"Fine, whatever just finish it!" she responded with much aggrevation.

So when Bup #3 gets back to the hotel room we look at her hair at first glance like uhhh it looks okay. Why are you so mad? Needless to say Best Bup and I do not know much about sew in weaves. However, upon taking a closer look I began to see the discrepancies that Bup #3 was so mad about and then upon hearing her horror story I understood more. Best Bup and Bup #3 continued to exchange complaints about what they didn't like about their hair. They then turned to me and asked, "So how was your experience?"
I was honestly nervous about telling them how good it was so I just left it at, "Good. My hair turned out decent."
"I see! It looks nice." Bup #3 responded with a bit of an attitude.

Early the next day Bup #3's track came out at lunch. Can you say hysteria?!

My phone just rang......
It is Best Bup talkin about her stingy ponytail......Until Next Time

All Hail Strippers

Ok. Ok. Ok. I am going to keep it 100 with you all. I am a person all about experiences. If you do not try something, how will one ever learn. Well Today's lesson is, I have much respect for Strippers, Exotic Dancers, Pole Dancers etc.

I admit it. I have been to a female strip club. I will never forget that day. The spot was called "SugarBares!" Now SugarBares was the real deal. Ass and Tities everywhere. All types of broads. Brown, Yellow, Haitians. Whites. All types of customers females, and males. I was amazed at what the women could do but I did not have a true appreciation for it until now.


So, here is the real story. I am turning the big 25 in a few months (another post) and have a list of must dos before then. One of them was Pole Dancing.

Last week I gave it try. WRONG of me. Went to class and so glad I got scholarships for school, cus If I had to get on the POLE?? SMH. It was a sorry sight. SOORRRRRRRRY. Do you know the amount of coordination you need to swing your body around the pole, real sexy like????


Nonetheless, If you know anyone who was or is stripping on the pole?? You need to TIP them immediately! Their job is hard work. My hat and a very high level of respect goes to these women! Not just anyone can shake their ass! I will never ever talk bad about folks who choose to do this for a living!

Flashing back to the my night at SugarBares, I was enthralled then! I tipped them because I was utterly fascinated at how sexually free these women were, and the THINGS. The THANGS these women could do on stage. (that I now know the strongest man in the world could not do.) These women need to go to the Olympics. Once beyond the nakedness of their bodies, one can really appreciate the athleticism, choreography, and masterfulness to turn men/ lesbians on.
Sadly I also underestimated them. Every woman should attend a strip club. Not that Gentleman's club soft core joint. I am talking about the real gutter, Aint trickin if you got it Clubs!!! It will open your eyes.

Meeting the 'RENTS?

Lil Funny !


I am the first person to avoid meeting the PARENTS. I've never been into it, primarily because my parents are the most judgmental folks. I have seen how they "GO" on people!

To me meeting the parents, is a FIRE SIGNAL, saying "I AM SERIOUSLY CONSIDERING THIS PERSON". EEEEK!!! Scary!!! Presenting yourself to Parents to be judged is beyond frightful.

Did your Significant other (SO) brief you? I make sure I brief mine, and I expect the same. After all Parents are deal breakers or winners. I can always get RID of you, but not my parents! If my parents hate you, I will never stop hearing about it. If they like you, I will never stop hearing about it. Who wants to be in that situation??

On the flip side, the IDEA of meeting the parents is a sign of trust and respect. Its wonderful to have made it to the level where you can do this. While I like the idea, I am not always excited to jump into the action. EEEK.

No More Whoopy

The other day I was having an interesting conversation with a homeboy. the past couple of months he has been complaining about this girlfriend. Talking all types of ish. But of Course I am the District's Buppie. I give my two cents on EVERYTHING. What he has was the case of, "I do not know what I want from a GirlFriend." I asked him to evaluate her and make a list of what you want from her and this relationship. This was a couple of months ago.

So, yesterday we chat,

Homeboy: "It's really a wrap for this relationship."

Me: "Sure, I Heard that a couple of months ago. "

Homeboy: "No For real though. Do not look at me like a feen when I tell you this."

Me" What happened?"

Homeboy: "Well, It really a wrap because she said she wanted to be celibate."

Me: (Thinking Pause...The Dumb Ish women do. Giving up their Puss Power! FOOL!) " Man she just playing. Maybe she is testing you. Besides, I thought you said you were not the type of guy who focused on sex."

Homeboy: "Well how I am going to go from Steaks to crackers? Plus said she just realized premarital sex is a sin."

Me: "(Thinking, NEGROS ALWAYS LIKE THE DUMB BROADS!) DAMn . I feel you."

Now the chick clearly does not have her screws together. There is nothing wrong with celibacy but honestly, if you are going to pursue it in a relationship in which sex was involved. Why would you not consider your partner's feelings? Plus how are you going to go cold turkey with him around. You at least have to get him on the same page, or break up so you can concentrate. I thought it was a test for him, but WE too OLD for TESTS and GAMES.

On to the main point, so after I got off the phone I thought about it some more. Essentially it took SEX for this man to break up with his girl. All the other shyt that was bothering him, and SEX was the final straw! Not the chick spending all his money, not the daily fights, not the lack of the ability to relate!!!


Am I wasting my time trying to be a better woman? Maybe I should quit trying to have more depth and quit reaching my goals, and just do 100 pussy crunches a day? SEE BELOW

Fat Happy B!tch

Thanksgiving just passed. I am sure you stuffed your face enough to feed a small African village.

I used to seriously be in love with food. (CODE FOR: I used to be more fatter than I am now.)

Last new year, I was on this serious health and weight loss kick.I did well. Invested in different foods, worked out, and learned the weight thing.. I learned a lot about FOOD and the body. It totally changed my outlook on things. But the main lesson I learned is, BASICALLY the key to lose weight in America is to realize that 99% of the food here is bad for you!

I remember the day I fell out of love with food.After a 6 months of avoiding MCDickme ahem I mean .MCDonalds. I was in the midst of busy day and needed a meal. I went and got some meal with the CRACK Juice AKA Orange HI C. Now you know that ORANGE HI-C is straight CRACK JUICE!! I wrapped my lips around the straw in excitement, only to realize my tongue slapping the shyt out of me. THE ISH WAS EFFING NASTY. I knew it was all mental too. All I kept thinking about is how I am sucking down liquid fat. Coating my throat and I would have to RUN 15 MILES just to break even.

How is it that other cultures eat CARBS AND SUGARS and LOADS of MEAT, but in AMERICA you eat that same thing, and next thing you know your on the BIGGEST LOSER???!

Take for example RICE.
Pretty much every well populated place, eats RICE and loads of it!
-India, Africa, China...

America you eat too much rice(A CARB), you will blow up like Kramer from Senfield Career!

Now you can give me that " they live a more active lifestyle" arguement. I do agree.

However, do you think they naturally do 2 hours in the gym worth of activities in their day to day???!!!

Seriously, I have come to terms with, for the rest of my LIFE, I will have to Go to the GYM 3-5 times a week, just to make up for the leaves I eat!! We cannot afford not to workout.

Beyond that I really think this food ISH is a conspiracy. I know they are putting something in our food! That slows down our metabolism or something! You eat a biscuit, you get high blood pressure. You gotta buy medicine. The medicine doesn't work unless you lose weight.
You eat food ---> You get sick --> you buy medicine --> you gotta work out...
WTF?

Plus go to the grocery store. Everything healthy is always more expensive. Salad is $5.00. 20 pack of Twinkies #3.00. They don't want us to be healthy, because we would Eff up the cycle!!!
They get kids hooked on sugar and carbs early, with all those cereals! Remember when you used to be tricked into cereal for the free toy!!!??! McDonalds, kids meal free toy. All succesful scams that have our Kids looking like this by age Five.



PLAIN OATMEAL aint never giving away a free toy.

My Night in Jail Part 2

SEE Part 1

Approximately, three hours into us waiting, Husband Homeboy's shows up. With a Chick.

Wifey of course is pissed. Homeboy pissed. They go at it.

Wifey: "Where you been? all this time??"
Homeboy: The Police told me to come back at this time.
Wifey: Where is his car?
Homeboy : Parked.
Chick:Parked.

PAUSE: CHICK should MYOB. She caught a mean attitude like the situation had anything to do with her.

PLAY. Husband Homeboy bickers a bit. Stops talking to Wife, goes to the counter to bails husband out. The Clerk processes the $75 BAIL.

PAUSE. EXCUSE ME CLERK. WE HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR 3 Hours trying to bail Husband out!!

Wifey proceeds to become incredible hulk mad and yells from the top of her lungs: " EXCUSE ME. I AM HIS WIFE !!! YOU NOT ABOUT TO ACT LIKE I HAVE NOT BEEN WAITING HERE FOR MY HUSBAND AND IGNORE ME" really she was referring to Husband Homeboy

PAUSE: woah woah woah now! Where did that come from?

PLAY. Police officers in station.
"WAIT a Minute now! You not fitten to act all crazy in here. We will arrest you for Disturbing the Peace. Calm that ish down"

PAUSE. Now, What am I doing? Laughing MY A$$ OFF!

Anyway, things of course calm down. Even after the Police threats. Wifey is not calm. She is highly pissed. She is pissed at the fact Husband Homeboy acting like he saved the dang on day, and she sat here and waited.

CLERK: Says to Wifey, Husband Homeboy got Husband stuff, that Husband Gave to him, so Husband Homeboy has a right to continue to hold it.

Pause: OK Whatever.

CLERK then says: He will be right out after we run his Prints.

PAUSE:Run his prints?? WTF. The same prints process that I saw took 2 days! We have been waiting hours!! I am READY to GO.

PLAY. So Husband Homeboy and Chick proceed to go wait in the other side of waiting area. Entire time Husband Homeboy and Wifey are quietly poppin off at each other.

The amusement of Jail rubs off me quickly. We had been waiting too damn long, just to be waiting longer for some damn prints. I asked wifey, take me home.

Wifey is like she doesn't feel comfortable leaving Husband Keys and Stuff with Husband homeboy. Ok gotcha. I understand.

An hour passes.

Now I am getting pissy, because Husband Homeboy should go ask for an update from the CLERK. I mean there was only like 2 people in jail that night.



Wifey is still lamenting in her pissedness. She walks up to CLERK to ask,
"As his wife do I not have a right to my husband's stuff? I do not feel that Husband Homeboy should have my husbands keys and wallet. I mean I am on the car insurance, not Husband Homeboy."

CLERK: "There is really nothing we can do. Your husband gave him the keys. I can go back and ask him what he wants to do"

Pause: And Gay people want to get married because?? You really dont get a right to much in marriage these days. Pause Again: GO back clerk and speed up this damn process while you at it.

So in the meanwhile, Wifey comes upon Genius revelation that works in her favor. She drove her car. Husband drove his car, but proceeded to get arrested. Husband gets out, he will not be able to drive his car, because he lacks license. Husband Homeboy a$ed out, unless Wifey does drive, since Wifey on insurance.

CLERK Returns, She said the Husband said :"Go ahead and go home wifey. I will take friends home."

Pause: HOLD DA EFF UP. NAW WE AINT JUST WAIT HERE 4 HOURS, CAUSE U CALLED AND BEG YOUR WIFE FOR NOTHING. GO THE HAYLE HOME?? OOO HAYLE NAW.

Wifey: Well he cannot drive them home because of his license. And I do not have his keys, so I guess we gotta get the SHYt TOWED.

Wifey proceeds to give Husband Homeboy evil look. Pulls out triple AAA card.

Pause: It is looking like Husband Homeboy better just give up the keys.

So Wifey proceeds to act like she going to get the car towed. We continue to wait.

Husband Homeboy and Chick walks up to CLerk.

Husband Homeboy: "I would like to check his things in"

Officer in the back: "Wait aint his wife right there?"

Clerk: "I guess he doesn't want her to have it"

Pause: Woow. These people are trippen. Are you really going to check his ish?

Husband Homeboy, checks in Husband stuff. Then proceeds to bounce. Apparently someone comes and picks him up.

Wifey: "I told Husband his friend is crudy."

Pause: Friend is crudy. Could wait on his homeboy to get out? Then call a ride?

Finally, Husband gets out of Jail. Of course Wifey is pissy. This drama was too much. I was not even all that mad because I could finally get home. The Drama was over, right?

WRONG!!!



Husband and Wifey had both cars there. Husband has a tricked out car, Impala, tints, RIMS.

Wifey told her BFF to drive his car.

Husband had a hissy fit!

Husband : "Naw eff dat, you drive my car WIFEY!! I rather get the shyt towed then have BFF drive"

He is jumping up and down in the middle of a street in DC at 3AM mind you!! Hissy fit over his lackluster a$$ impala. (BUPPIE DON'T BTW)

Wifey: "Husband, are you saying your car is more important than mind??!!!"

They go back and forth for 5 more minutes before Wifey Angrily Screams in the night "FINE!!!".

AGAIn this is 3:05 AM around the corner from the Popos!

She Drives his car. BFF drives hers.

Finally I am home.

End of Story...

Message: Avoid Jail period. Both in person and in MARRIAGE.

My Night At JAIL! Part 1

Last Saturday, I spent my night at the 3rd District Jail in DC .What was supposed to be a pleasant evening celebrating my Libra friends, and dancing with HAWT Personal Trainer Guys, was a evening of DRAMA and Comedy (Very Similar to a Tyler Perry Movie!)

Break Down of the Atmosphere

Walking into jail, I had thee biggest smirk on my face. It was weird. I knew I did not belong, at the same time it made me chuckle, because of the reason for the arrival. First of all, the dang station was right in the midst of a quiet neighborhood. Right across the street, were homes. How much of a blower is that? Knowing you live right across the street from the PoPos?
The station reminded me of YMCA/School. We walked in, and saw bulletin boards. Trophies. Domestic Violence Literature.

The Officer on Duty, who was working as clerk was husky black female with lots of tude. Similar to MADEA.

At first I was excited. I wanted a tour of joint. I sat my ass in the chairs and looked around took everything in. The place was not modernized, and I wonder why the DC Gov't missed this in its budgets.

Soon after we walked in, an older married couple walked in solemnly behind us. Being that the clerk was loud, I could hear all their business. It seems their SON, a college student, got wrapped up for a DUI. TSK TSK. At this point in his processing, they need to run his prints. Apparently this process was going to take a bit of time, so the parents opted to go home to bed and call back to check in. The Clerk warned them, that if his prints did not come back clean, he would have a Monday Court date. Also the clerk told them do not be surprised if something were to come back, because people hide shyt all the time.. SHAME

Any who after we cracked the initial jokes and took some photos ops, we waited and waited, and waited some more.

We spoke to other people who arrived later in the night. One was a dude who was very familiar with jail and the processes, from experience. He spoke about how this station in particular sucked because things were so slow.
Somethings he said:
"Usually when you wait for something you have a TV, Look they do not even have one."

"One time when I came here, tried to get my friend processed out. The told be their fingerprint machine broke."

One thing,I learned is cops don't give an EFF about Customer Service!!

The DRAMA Beyond the BARS:

So why was I at Jail?? The reason why I went to jail is because a friend, her husband caught a charge. Driving without a valid license. Apparently, he goes to jail often. He is Jail-prone. Now, Husband was with his homeboy on the way to Adams Morgan. Did not stop at stop sign. Husband Homeboy, disappears but has all of Husbands stuff. You know: Cellie, Money, keys to vehicle. Watches Husband get arrested.

Now Husband Homeboy has Husband Car and Cell. Husband in jail, cannot seem to get a hold of Husband Homeboy. He Calls Wife. Wife calls Husband cell phone, which Husband Homeboy is supposed to have. Right. Husband Homeboy does not pick up. MMM

PAUSE. Let me say throughout this situation, I practiced MYOB. I minded my business. However, I did draw my conclusions about a couple of things.

Conclusion 1: Husband Homeboy, Why did he not call Wifey to let her know Husband is locked up?

PLAY. So Husband, eventually begs Wife to come bail him out. Wifey pissed Husband Homeboy abandoned Husband. Apparently Husband Homeboy, has a history of leaving Husband A$$ed out. Wifey dislike Husband Homeboy because of history. There is beef.

WE waited for freakin hours. Wifey of course identifies her self with the Clerk. Clerk says something of the officer processing husband, had some other paperwork to do prior to processing husband. We waited more.

Approximately, three hours into us waiting, Husband Homeboy's shows up. With a Chick.

Wifey of course is pissed. Homeboy pissed. They go at it.

Wifey: "Where you been? all this time??"
Homeboy: The Police told me to come back at this time.
Wifey: Where is his car?
Homeboy : Parked.
Chick:Parked.

PAUSE: CHICK should MYOB. She caught a mean attitude like the situation had anything to do with her.

PLAY. Husband Homeboy bickers a bit. Stops talking to Wife, goes to the counter to bails husband out. The Clerk processes the $75 BAIL.

PAUSE. EXCUSE CLERK. WE HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR 3 Hours trying to bail Husband out!!

TO BE CONTINUED....

This is a pretty long story...So I will Continue.. super long blogs suck!

No BitchAssNess

"That's a VERY Contagious Sickness thats out here in our community"-Diddy

I cannot describe the very essence of this word. I mean where was this phrase 4 years ago?? Diddy thank you.

BITCHASSNESS! ARGH!!!

First and foremost, IMO this term really doesn't apply to women. Why? Cause the very basis of the word Bitch is female. Therefore, expressing that women has bitchassness is like being repetitive. It's inherent(Thanks D) in a woman's being.

NOW MALES, This term is, can, and will be applied to you. It was made for you.
Even before the term was released, I have had experiences and seen others with experiences with males with this disease. It's frustrating to spend your time getting to know a male, and find out he has this diease. It it was up to me, you all would be stamped on your FOREHEAD! That way folks can avoid the time your bitchassness sucks from folks lives.

It's running rampant. Just to illustrate my point:

• You are not about anything! . I mean its one thing if you do not do shyt, but then the nerve of you to complain about it?? WTF. Get it together, change it ! Adjust your situation. Why I got to hear how bad your situation is?? BITCHASSNESS
• Why you lying? I mean just lying about little stuff. Is that your Range Rover? Yes. ----Two Weeks later---- Why your cousin always pushing your car? That was my cousin, I mean its really the family car, we all use it. Why are you lyng? Was that necessary? BITCHASSNESS
• Inconsiderate MOFOS! If you ask someone to go out in the early evening 7pmish directly after work, go to FREE MOVIE, then say bye with no meal ?? Not only are you cheap, you have BITCHASSNESS!
• I cannot think for myself. When you let your dudes/ companions dictate your actions. i.e You see an attractive person, who may not be attractive to your friends. You let you friends tear he/she down, and even though you really digged her/him, you let go. OR you even when you are a relationship this can occur.
• If see an attractive person in the club, been drinking, and you continually harass this person, and do not even buy them a drink! You breath smells like a humdinger, but naaaaaaaw. You gotta chase them around the club and not even buy them a drink. BITCHASSNESS!
• Bitchassness could be when you a smashing more than one person, catch a STD know you burning, but when one the people you were sexing calls and tell you, they burning, YOU BLAME them for burning you! BITCHASSNESS.

Watch out! It's coming for ya!!

Video Vixens

I stop watching music videos about 4 years ago. Except for occasionally flipping channels, I am weary of this propaganda. Plus there is Youtube.

However, there is something about looking at these chicks that satisfy my hater gland. I call it my hater gland because everyone got some type of hatership in them. I admit mine, but my hater gland is only excepts extremely low doses. Little things such as my hatership/admiration for Video Hoes.

To me nothing is more powerful that having a big a$$ booty! I know. I know. But the chick from the outkast video, buffie the body, and Deelishis make me so jealous.

Now just because I can look at a womans body, does not mean I am homosexual. So consider this my "NO HOMO" Warning. Also consider this, I have no problem with homosexuals. I love everyone until proven guilty...

Let the hating begin.

Not matter how much I work out, how come my ass cannot look like Buffie???Look at this chicks waistline!! WTF? Buffie!!! What are you eating? What type of dietary system you got the redirects all your fat to your ass?? Just skipping the rest of your body??? The majority of her body malnutritioned. Your stomach madd as shyt at your a$$! She got a thong on, we cannot see it because her butt cheeks ate it. Her entire A$$ just greedy as shyt.

Ok now that my hater gland is satisfied, time to discuss the real issue. If I am 20 something educated female, who does not even watch music videos, and it effects my mental capacity ? Then Dang! This really must have an effect on the youth!
On some real ish, when I was younger, I can remember when the "Thong Song" came out. My friends and I wanted some, thongs because we wanted to mimic the video chicks. Trying to make our booties go " da na da na"! We cannot underestimate the media and the effects that it has on us!! Particularly women. To say we are not objectified is like voting for MCCAIN? That's just dumb as shyt!

We have to be careful as women, to realize our appearance does not consume our lives. I have to even check myself. I mean, my dietary system redirects my fat to my stomach and thighs. I will NEVER look like Buffie. However my thickness is a feature that I accept. It is me. There will never be another me, and that uniquesness is what we should adore about ourselves. We have to find beauty in ourselves and not the TV screen. I meet so many women, BEAUTIFUL, INTELLIGENT WOMEN, however it disheartens me, when all they can seem to talk about is their weight, or their wardrobe, etc.

So today's message is this: We must break this cycle of letting the media determine what is pretty. You make yourself attractive. You and only you. Tell the youth, your little cousin, sister, whatever SHE is beautiful. Let her look to her family and friends for esteem, rather than Buffie the body.

Everyone Needs a Break

I just came back from a week vaca in the Bahamas with 3 other buppie women.
1. It was much needed. Work is out of style.
2. It was my birthday, boo to getting older... YAY to Getting Better!

However, going to another country brings certain thoughts to mind.

1. It reinforces my extreme dislike for George Bush and his administration.
Traveling is the worst effin inconvenience in the world. (Very close to slavery) You need a passport for everywhere($$). They charge you fees for your bags($$$). This 50 lb one bag is effing pissing me off!!! WTF. How am I going to go on a trip for one week with one bag? Then you can not carry liquid on your carry-on? Did you all notice that liquids tend to be your heaviest items? Now you cant carry them on?? It's all a ploy to get our freakin money. Then the fees! How come you buy a ticket for 150 and it end up being 300?? All these damn fees. 911 Fee. Security Fee. Airport FEE! Ohhh please!

Then the entire security screening process which is pure BULLShyt! I cant tell how many times I've smuggled liquids on board. YEA! I said it. I smuggle, All types of ish! Body Spray's, Shampoos, etc. Come get me! And can someone please tell me why the hell I got to remove my shoes? WTF does that do??
All this nonsense is due to the "TERROR" GWB created. Once again..thanks for ruining my life.

2. The Level of living
Most of the employment on these islands are tourism. Hotel workers, Cab drivers, etc. How are they making it on life on that pay, when their gas is $1.50 more expensive than the US and their food is overpriced due to import fees. I mean SALSA was 7.99??? NOT a COSTCO joint that can feed like 20 ppl. No the regular you dip your chip twice and you aint got anymore joint. Yet they enjoy living with little. How come I can not do that? Cus America done got me thinking I can get a dream! YEA RITE

3. These MEN are fertile
ATTENTION!! If you are looking for a surrogate or some strait fertile sperm, take your ass to the Bahamas. I mean all the Bahamian men between the ages 20-25 all had kids!! Not married either. I must have met 20 Bahamian men and like 3 of them ain't have kids.

Overall, the vacation was safe. I suggest to all my buppie's out there, make time for this. IT clears your head. It opens you up to other cultures. You make new friends.

The Power of the D-I-C-K

So a few weeks ago a fellow female buppie and I were talkin about what we have observed personally and with fellow female buppies about sexual relationships. We have both noticed that some strange and unusual habits may come into play when a woman gets with a man that SERIOUSLY knows what they are doing in bed. It has become strangely apparent to me right before my eyes that some "good dick" can make a perfectly sane and intelligent woman turn into a dumb ass dickmatized crazed looney tune! All because no one has ever put it down on her like that before. Let's explore this a little farther shall we....

So for a few female bups I know I have noticed that good dick arrived around 5 years after they started having sex. (This just makes me shake my head in shame) So therefore when they do get some good lovin they will do anything in their power to hold onto it because they figure it won't show up again. So they will put up with and do some of the most irrational sh*t ever to keep this dick supply in abundance.

On the flip side for men, they know when they have a woman open and they're good in the sack! It's just like Eddie Murphy said on Eddie Murphy Raw, "Once a man hears a woman make a certain noise in the bedroom they know they got her. So they will act completely different." Completely different meaning act a damn fool and do whatever the hell they want because they know they got your ass! This is not always true but seems to be a trend from what I have observed. Men can get away with a LOT more knowing that they are putting it on a chick and chances are she aint goin no where too quickly due to this fact.

Let me take the time to define the term

DICKMATIZED (dik-ma-tized)- When a woman gets an all around sexual experience from a man that is so satisfying that it impairs her better judgement.

Here are some examples of the irrational things I have witnessed:

*Disclaimer*

The women about to be described are under the influence of some GOOD DICK! They do not have histories of being crazy or dumb until these particular penises came along.

Scenario 1) A young woman has been seeing a guy for 2 years but she is the woman on the side. Now this man is living COMFORTABLY because he knows he has wifey and and this other young woman satisfied financially and physically. Now this young woman says she has feelings for this dude but she is just dealing with the situation as it is. When I asked her why a BIG part of the reason was THE DICK!

Scenario 2) Riding past a dude's house because you have the feeling that he is cheating. She sees he is not there so she camps a block away checking periodically to see when he arrives home and if he's alone. Only to see that he arrives home with someone so she proceeds to get out of the car and act a fool. Now the woman I am speaking of is a perfectly sane woman, HOWEVER, she got hit with some serious DICK and now her judgement is impaired and bitch is playin 007 actin a damn fool! SMH

Scenario 3) You just spend the night with your beau and you are leaving. You realize you forgot your phone so you go back to get it. Now on the way back you see the chick that you suspect your beau may be sneaking around with walking around the block so you have a pretty good idea where she is going. Now when you go to get your phone your beau looks a bit panic stricken and says he will go get your phone. But you know the next bitch is upstairs. HOWEVER this does not stop you from continuing to see this dude! The woman being described has gotten SMIZACKED with the DICK!

Scenario 4) You start messing with a dude that is cute but not really your type. And upon hanging out you come to the realization that the dude is an ultra LAME! He asks to borrow money, asks for you to rent him a car, and slangs dope! Now you are a PROFESSIONAL woman but one day you gave this dude a chance and let him hit and now look at you......DONE OFF! Led astray, bamboozled, DICKMATIZED! Givin a LOSER the time of day because he laid the pipe!

I say all this to show you ladies that it is a DISEASE! Don't get DICKMATIZED! It feels good when you got it but I challenge all my ladies in this situation to take a step back and look at yourself! Shameful aint it! Now don't get me wrong being DICKMATIZED is not always bad if a GOOD GUY has you in this trance! But if he's not, you may find yourself in a WORLD of trouble!

Here are some traits of guys who you don't want to deal with PERIOD. However you definitely don't want these dudes to get you DICKMATIZED:

Liars

Cheaters

Broke and aint even trying to be on the come up (I don't have a problem with men who are on the financial come up. Let me just put that out there because people can get really sensitive)

Arrogant

Self-Absorbed

Dumb as a box of rocks

Bitchassness Disease (this is a whole other blog entry....just stay tuned)

And for the ladies who are struggling with this.....DO TRUST another good dick will come along.

Pu$$Y MALPractice....

Pussy malpractice: ( [poos-ee /mælˈpræktɪs/prak-tis] ) : any improper, negligent practice; misconduct or misuse when it comes to the business of males/females pleasing a woman's vagina.

I know tons of women, straight, bi, homo. We enjoy sex. As Buppie's, we have a more independence and we flaunt that. Our Pussy's are along for the ride. Buppie women can want to smash, beat, get it in...whateva. And fellows trust we do. We plot and plan on the DICK more that you think. Once we decide to give up the cooch, we expect it will be well worth. This can also explain, why some Buppie Women may make you work a harder, to prove you deserve her goodies.

Negotiating and dealing with the game of sex, requires both parties to meet acceptable terms.

Examples of Acceptable Terms are:

• PAPERWORK: STD ad HIV Screening Proof stating you do not have the heebee jeebees, (if you do not have this, DO NOT PASS GO. LETS TAKE OUR HAPPY ASSES TO THE CLINIC!!!)
• A Few going on events with meals and drinks in which both parties have come to the conclusion they want to take it further.
  
• Or maybe you just want to smash, beat, fuck, bone, or cut, GET IT IN
  

So you[ a Woman] have been waiting months for that good pipe...holding out on dudes because you don't want to appear "loose". When in fact within the first 5 minutes, you can determine if an individual is fuckable. So you decide the day your going to give it up because, your terms have been satisfied. You on the job thinking about this experience you are going to have with this man.

You meet up and things get the poppin..he kissing on you..you kissing on him.. he tears open the Magnum Trojan. Your thinking YES!! YES!!...

Then the most fucked up thing happens, You lay on your back anticipate the pipe, and he begins humping away, grunting and shyt. You are alarmed because you wondering how did the party get started without you?? Then he says some crazy shyt like "OOO you feel soo good"???

YEA GEORGE I feel you. Ladies you know you make this same face. Your confused because you don't feel a gotdamn thing!!!!
MALPRACTICE.

habeas smalldicktus- You know your penis is too small to be fucking me.

YADA YADA, you can try to refute this by pleading a case of SIZE don't matter, but for some it does, and You ARE OUT OF FUCKING ORDER.

Moving on, So its too late to you in the midst of this, so you try your best to forget you cant feel anything just to get through the experience, you in it an entire 66 seconds, when you hear "oooooooah" and just to confirm you look and see this

WAIT. HALT. OO no this dude did not just .... I can't believe this dude just CAME!!!
MALPRACTICE!!

Factum est minunto- You just came in a minute.

Some men try to claim the defense of THE 1ST NUT BILL, EX Curia Unonuto.

Ex Curia Unonuto also know has The First nut Bill introduced by Sir One Eye William, states that if a 1st nut is achieved within the first 5 minutes of intercourse yet a erect penis follows within 2 minutes and remains erect beyond 10 minutes, the 1st nut in question is dismissed on all charges.

Realistically ladies, we all know that sometimes a man just needs to get the first nut. We hate it, but its just apart of having sex.

If one can build a case for Factum est minunto as the first nut, one can claim it. However, after a fair trail, if you are found guilty of this by a jury of your Peer (the person you are sexing!), you are a for VIOLATING and have committed 1st degree Malpractice!


So, your still in the moment, he whispers, "Girl that was just my first nut." (Exhibit A. He is now invoking EX Curia Unonuto here.) So you must abide to give this man a fair trial. you put in the work to try to get this man back erect. Your arm get tired and to note 3 minutes have passed... There's no coming back.
MALPRACTICE.


The Jury says: Guilty as charged.

Mike Vick...its UNFAIR!!

VICK QUARTERBACKS PRISON FOOTBALL TEAM: Suspended NFL star also washes pots for 12 cents an hour at Leavenworth.

April 8, 2008

*Suspended Atlanta Falcons star Michael Vick is back on the football field, but his paycheck has gone from millions per year to less than 15 cents an hour.

According to the New York Daily News, the jailed NFL player is the quarterback of his football team at the United States Penitentiary in Leavenworth, Kan, where he is serving a 23-month sentence after pleading guilty to federal dogfighting charges.

Falcons owner Arthur Blank has been communicating by letter with Vick and says the athlete is doing a number of things to help pass the time.

"He is staying in shape," Blank told the Daily News. "Apparently, there was a prison football team and he played quarterback for both sides." Blank also says his star QB is washing pots and pans for 12 cents an hour.

"I just try to be supportive and as understanding as I can be," Blank said. "He talks about the process he is going through and what he has learned, the lessons of life, how he's going to come out a different person. He's sorry he has affected so many people in a negative way — the league, our club, our fans. He feels awful about that. The letters sound quite sincere to me. From a mental standpoint, he sounds good."

----

AWWWWWWWWW we know this is EFFED up!!!! GOD D@MN DOGS!!!

Black Woman's Kryptonite

This week I bought this new hair product! That is the jump off! Then 2 days later I lost it! Blower I know. Finally found the one thing to lay those edges dowwwwwwwwwn!
I had to return to .... Dah Dun Dah:

THE Beauty Supply Store!!!

No not that Sally's Chain joint. The in the hood, ran by Asians joint. I once visited one, the size of a grocery store! I lie to you not readers. Picture Giant. YES Clear the aisles and make it alll weave!! It exists! (I have pictures!) *SIGH*, the Beauty Supply is truly the Black woman's kryptonite!! I walked in focused on getting a replacement. Then I walked down ever aisle. Look at the new products. Kind of a kid in a candy store!
OOO I want that! OOO I want this. Do not need a damn thing, Got a two day old weave in my head. Fresh to death! Nonetheless, these stores have every hair weave type from wet n wavy, to silky, to human hair, to quick weave, shampoos, conditioners, body cremes, sections for men, pins, HATS, colored contacts, nail polish.. OMG the list does not end!

Women won't admit this but Beauty Salons aisles, walking them,... they give us minor mind orgasms. A happiness washes over. I am at peace. Similar to when men watch sports.

Elitism and Class still exist. These stores tell you so much about the women in the store.

If she gets that Kanekelon Weave that rubs together to start fires, she is not a buppie.
If she gets that black gel that flakes, she is not a buppie.
If she gets those color contacts, the look alike plastic Louie V Coin holder, she buys that CC earrings, she is not a buppie.

However, if she gets the behind the counter stuff, them Asians don't put out, she is a buppie.

Observations folks. Class and Elitism exists in all realms of buppie-dom....even at the beauty supply.