Swine Flu Hysterics

So H1N1 is alive and in FULL EFFECT in South Korea. It is spreading like a California wild forest fire. Seriously! Fellow bups teaching in South Korea have told me how their schools have been closed due to the frenzy of several kids having it. Teachers and principals are getting it. MAN! It is also on Korean news how it is spreading like crazy. Therefore many kids have been coming to the academy which I work at in masks such as these:


Now on any given day it is not uncommon to see Koreans in these masks, especially during the yellow dust season. However, recently the abundance of children coming to school with masks on has been ridiculous. Then a few things made me decide that it was time I got with the program and equipped myself with a mask.

1) The news has reported that in each city per day there are at least 700 possible new cases of swine flu. Now South Korea is VERY small and over populated. Everywhere you go there is a chance there will be a crowd of people in close proximity to one another. Therefore the virus is spreading at a much more rapid pace here. Not to mention Koreans share EVERY damn thing! For instance there is bar soap in PUBLIC bathrooms here. Ummm yeah I don't even have bar soap out for people to use in my home! Strictly liquid soap here. So hundreds of people a day touch this cesspool of germs. I can go on and on about the unsanitary things I see in Korea but I digress....

2) The other day a little bastard at my school thought it would be funny to call me over to his desk for help and then cough in my face ON PURPOSE! I smacked the SHIT out of this child. (It was reflexes. I was reprimanded later by my boss after his mother complained. I honestly aint give a flying F*CK. I bet he won't cough in anyone else's face.) I then went on to have a 15 minute tutorial in each of my classes about hand washing and how to properly cover your mouth. In addition everyone gets a squirt of hand sanitizer upon entry to my class and I Lysol the place down after their dirty asses leave!

3) One of my co-teachers got really sick this week. She aint saying but I think it's definitely the swine!

4) I spoke with my boss today about my concern of the increase of swine flu cases in South Korea, particularly in schools, and she told me that there have been 12 possible cases in our little ass academy. Our academy has approximately 85 students. It has four classrooms and a communal area. And you are telling me that close to 15% of these children may have the GOTDAMN swine flu?! That is MORE than 1 out of every 10 children! And you didn't feel the need to share this shit with me sooner because?.... Am I crazy or is my boss crazy?! Soooo why aren't we closed for quarantine?! That was the final straw. This woman is teaching in a mask!

So today I went to school in a mask. I taught with this mask on. During the second hour of classes my boss asked me if I could remove the mask because the parents think that I am sick. (Koreans believe that swine flu comes from foreigners.) I politely responded that I would not remove my mask. Do they think all these children running around here with masks on are sick? They can protect themselves so why can't I? I told her she can explain to the parents that I am taking precaution because I just found out that there were POSSIBLY 12 cases of swine flu in this academy. I aint taking off SHIT! She looked a bit troubled but knew not to argue with me about this any further because my mind was made up.

I will be teaching with a mask on until I feel people are taking the appropriate precautions to keep their employees from getting sick! I aint trying to be a swine flu statistic!

Oh Match!

This is CaliTransplant... yup a native LA girl trying to make it in the DC world. I will be dropping by to share some of my experiences here in the DMV from time to time. Today my entry is dedicated to DC dating, match.com style.

So I joined match.com within days of my move to DC. I was ready to get the ball rolling immediately. I wanted to cut out all the hoops and circles traditional “sifting thru the b*ll$hit” or “romantic networking/interviewing” involved. Was that desperation? I don't think so, I call it tenacity. Let's be honest, I moved to DC to be surrounded by successful professional black people and I figured the internet would be the quickest way to filter out the potentials.

And what did Match.com yield? Three prototypes that, should you ever consider jumping on the internet dating bandwagon, avoid like the plague!

The Misrepresenter: (yeah I made up the word!) – Yes, he lied! I expected a certain amount of truth stretching considering the forum we met, but STRETCHING THE TRUTH ABOUT HEIGHT is pretty much a NO-NO. He had me anticipating a man 6 feet plus, so I cranked out the “KILL EM GIRL” heels, showed up to the date, and was looking down on Napoleon. (And I am of average height)

New rule, whatever they write on their profile, subtract 2 inches.

The Bore: Physically, a delightful specimen. Intellectually, it was like watching paint peel! BORING AS HELL! This probably could have been avoided had I engaged in more than one telephone conversation with the man. MY BAD!

New rule, have at least two voice conversations, longer than 15 minutes, prior to the date.

The Absconder: This character takes the cake! Still scarred from “The Bore” I made sure to engage him in decent conversation on multiple occasions and determined he was date-worthy. And what happened you ask? He up and left in the middle of the date. Yup. Straight up BOUNCED! AFTER he called to push back the date by 30 minutes TWICE and AFTER rescheduling the date from the previous week because he was "under the weather”. THIS MAN LEFT!

-Scene-

Holding half a glass of chardonnay in my hand, this man stood up, closed the tab, dug in his pocket for a cash tip and then glanced over to me and asked nonchalantly “You done?”

I still had HALF A GLASS OF WINE IN MY HAND – No sir, I am not done! Did I say that? No, rather I held my glass up towards him indicating that the glass was Still HALF FULL, to which he replied “Ready?”

WTF!!!!! READY???!!!!????? What did he mean? In that instant, I was lost. Is he asking me or telling me? Ready for what? Ready to hit up the next spot? If so, with me? Without me? Ready to part ways for the night? What the hell did that damn “ready” mean?!

So in a confused stupor, I respond "…Well let me just chug this wine and I’ll be good…" And then he said - CLINCHER- : "Don't rush..I'm just gonna (inaudible)....excuse myself."

Ahhhhhh! I get it now!

-End Scene-

New rule, "ready" is now defined as - (adv.) IMMA UP AND LEAVE YOU IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DATE.

I know you are wondering, what happened to make him “ready”. Not sure really, but the date wasn’t exactly smooth to begin with. Besides the late start and rainy weather, He was a LOUDTALKER. LOUD AS HELL, to the point where other people kept looking at him CRAZY and I became self-conscious and uncomfortable. Then, facing the possibility of being temporarily deaf in my right ear, I had to tell him, politely, "whoa you are like yelling." (Hmm can that be said politely?) So all of that, in combination with awkward pauses, darting eyes and him sweating in his sports coat, eventually made him "ready."

FYI, I am on a match.com sabbatical, going to do it the old-fashioned way now – circulating and networking – I am sure it will reveal an experience just as colorful. Be on the lookout for an upcoming entry – DC dating – ol skool style.