Monday, May 11, 2009
Mr. Nice Guy
Okay so I have been in Korea since February and shortly after arriving I met Mr. Nice Guy (MNG). He is a nice gentleman from Georgia who I just happen to think is gorgeous so I began to get to know him and things are going surprisingly well. Now even though MNG is in fact an extremely nice guy he is still a man so I am mindful of my interaction with him because men can change very quickly if something rubs them the wrong way. However, I have been being myself and he seems to like that so hey it is comfortable and it works for the both of us.
However as a woman who has been scorned, heartbroken, and has messed up myself in past relationships I have been very mindful that I do not bring baggage and that I continue to learn and recollect from past lessons. These are some of the things that have crossed my mind and I think are reasons why me and MNG click so well.
1) Do NOT talk about ex's when you are getting to know someone. MNG and I have had ONE conversation about past relationships and it was almost like a "let's get this out the way" conversation so we don't have to talk about it ever again. A mistake I have made in the past has been referencing an ex too much and it bugs the SHIT out of me when the man I am dating does it. If you are truly over the person there aint that much to say about them. And needless to say MNG and I do not feel the need to talk about it. We may share experiences occasionally but there is no need to really dwell on what went wrong in your last relationship if you learned from it.
2) Listen to him talk! Men looooooooove to talk about themselves. Many times I think secretly they like to talk about themselves more than women. Now as a woman I sometimes want to interject and give my "5 cents" on the matter or simply tell one of my own stories but I DON'T! Sometimes you have to just let a guy talk and JUST LISTEN! They appreciate it and you learn a LOT about them as you let them run their traps.
3) There is NO NEED to talk everyday! I have made this mistake in the past! This point may be just for me personally but I do NOT need to speak with the man I am dating everyday. I mean if a text message or an email is exchanged instead that is cool with me. But I do not need to spend endless hours with you on the phone and talk to you at 9pm every night. Let me reiterate this may just be me. I actually enjoy having to catch up with someone because we haven't talked in a few days.
4) Encourage him when he speaks about his goals and aspirations. In relationships rather it be my homegirl or my man I always support and encourage people I care about when they are passsionate about achieveing something. MNG has shared a number of goals he has and he also has a pretty decent action plan to achieve them. I respect that so I give props where props are due. Now don't get me wrong at times people can have outlandish or unrealistic goals. But who am I to judge if you are proactively seeking and working towards your dreams. Women often are their man's biggest critic instead of being their man's biggest supporter.
5) If you got a problem JUST SAY IT! Honesty is key and one thing I have learned in my dealings with men is that if you have a problem you need to say it. Men are not mind readers and it aint bothering anyone but you if you do not speak what's on your mind. The man may not even know that you got a problem because YOU HAVE NOT SAID ANYTHING! And it is all in the delivery of how you bring the "problem" to him. Essence had a good article entitled "Was It Something I Said?" in their April 2009 issue which touched upon this quite well. Many times with men it is not what you say but HOW you say it. And if it aint that big of a "problem" just let it go!
6) Do not tell your girls every detail about your interactions with dude! This is very very very important. Every convo, encounter, and thought you have with or about your significant other should not be shared even with your closest friends for sooooo many reasons. Men appreciate this too because in my opnion most men do not like ya homegirls knowing everything about what is going on between you and him. I have made this mistake and have seen the effects of how too much communication with my friends can cause serious detriment to my relationship. I share some things with my friends but definitely not the majority.
I am no relationship guru but these are some things I have learned from the past and they seem to be helping me as I get to know MNG. We genuinely enjoy one another's company, give each other space, and communicate effectively with one another.
So far so good....