Is it okay to keep in touch with your Ex's family?

So I was listenin to slow jams on a DC radio station (95.5) and they also have a great late night talk show. The topic of choice last night was dealing with your ex's family. The question posed was is it okay to stay close or keep in touch with your ex's family. The other question was if your significant other was keeping in touch with their ex's family how would you feel? I thought this was interesting because I have personally dealt with some situations like this....I have had a boyfriend in which I was really fond of his family, particularly his mother. We spent a lot of time together, went to lunch frequently, and talked a lot. However, once me and him were through the relationship with his fam, in my opinion, had to be cut short. Granted we are still friends we are not going to continually be chillin and talking regularly. I feel like the relationship wouldn't be as healthy if you are no longer dating for many reasons. Here are some different ways of looking at it.

1) How will your new significant other feel about you still being so close to your ex's family? On the radio station one guy mentioned that it made him feel like his woman still wanted to be with her ex because she always had to stop there for every holiday and such. He thought who do you want to see me or him and his people. I could see the legitmacy in this thought and understand the frustration.

2) How would you feel if your significant other was still always with his/her ex's family? I refuse to believe that any normal person wouldn't feel some type of way about this situation. One woman on the radio said she kept very close to her ex's mother until she met her new guy and he was always spending time with his ex's father. She was a little perplexed as to why they still golf together every weekend and she still went to the house for family gatherings. Plus she was not convinced that his ex did not want him back. She then realized she was guilty of the same thing and minimalized the amount of contact she had with her ex's mom.

3) Are we really moving on or trying to hold onto something that is still there? If you insist on keeping these ties what are you really hanging onto? If you are sustaining this relationship chances are you are going to see and hear about your ex a lot! You may find out how they are doing, who they are dating, and other things. Do you want to really subject yourself to this?

4) Who says that you can not still have a healthy and functional relationship with your ex's family if that is honestly all it is. The mother of one of my ex's is my homegirl for real. Granted we do not live in the same place we talk a few times a year and whenever she is in town we see each other. But her son (my ex) is a good friend of mine and we are strictly platonic. We have actually double dated with our new people. So in a situation such as this is it really the end of the world to stay cool with the ex's peeps?

I definitely know this issue from many sides. The most recent side being that when I was with my last boyfriend his ex and his mother and sister were like "best friends". It was irritating as hell. I would get mad at him for letting it go on. I just thought like there is more to this than your family cuz she is going way too hard. She is trying to prove a point.

Any thoughts?.......

And You Thought You Had It Bad?

The following story was recently brought to my attention:






"With food prices rising, Haiti's poorest can't afford even a daily plate of rice. Now some people are taking desperate measures to fill their bellies."


How can you help?

Check out: http://www.lambifund.org/

"Founded jointly in 1994 by Haitians and Americans, the Lambi Fund of Haiti is a unique grassroots organization whose mission is to assist the popular, democratic movement in Haiti. Its goal is to help strengthen civil society in Haiti as a necessary foundation for democracy and development."

More MLK Disrespect ..

WTF Bill!

That's it! Come Presidents day i'm going to have a FYOYF "celebration" in honor of Presidents day at my Apt. ..j/k :)

For those of you that don't know what FYOYF means. Ask and I shall enlighten!

Face of the Day

US President George W. Bush (C) leans over to talk with a girl (R) after Bush participated in a lesson for young children on the importance of Martin Luther King, Jr. Day during a tour of the Martin Luther King, Jr. Memorial Library in Washington, DC, 21 January 2008. By Saul Loeb/AFP/Getty.

From:http://andrewsullivan.theatlantic.com/the_daily_dish/2008/01/face-of-the--20.html

Should I Be Offended?

As if it wasn't bad enough that we didn't have MLK day off yesterday, to add insult to injury the Following e-mail was sent out by my company (shall remain nameless) HR on MLK day:

Subject: "I have a Dream..."

Happy Martin Luther King Jr. Day!

Donuts and Coffee in ****** to celebrate!

My initial reaction to this was "WTF! That's SOOOO disrespectful!" Then my 2nd reaction was, "well at least it wasn't watermelon and fried chicken" lol ..SMH! I don't really find this funny, but all I could really do was laugh, like coffee and donuts? seriously though? damn.

So now some might wonder, "why didn't you say something?" Umm well, my answer for you is simple, I like my job and I want to keep it! lol.

But for those who ask that, let me ask you, what would you do?

Changing Black Middle Class

Newswise — For generations, social scientists have defined the black
middle class in family terms, as married couples with children. But
a study from the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill shows
that a growing percentage of the black middle class are young single
people living alone.

"We've dispelled the assumption among scholars that blacks have to
be married to be middle class," said Kris Marsh, Ph.D., a post-
doctoral scholar at UNC's Carolina Population Center and author of
the study, which appears in the December issue of the journal Social
Forces.

Pop culture already reflects this trend. In her study, Marsh names
single middle-class blacks the Love Jones cohort, borrowing the
title of a 1997 movie about a similar group.

And, in the acronymic spirit of social science, which gave us DINKs
(dual-income, no kids) and DEWKs (dual-earners with kids), Marsh
coined the phrase SALA for people in all income brackets who are
single (never married) and living alone, which includes Oprah
Winfrey, Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice and radio and TV
personality Tavis Smiley.

Marsh and her colleagues studied United States census data from
1980, 1990 and 2000. The data show that among the black middle
class, ages 25 to 44, the Love Jones cohort more than doubled its
share between 1980 and 2000, from 5.8 percent to more than 14
percent. Meanwhile, the percentage of married couples, living
together, with children declined from 64.6 percent to 48 percent in
that same time period.

By following the data through three decades, the study also
confirmed that SALAs, and especially the Love Jones cohort, do not
simply delay marriage but remain single and continue to accumulate
wealth.

This contradicts previous research that said a reduction in marriage
and childbearing has created a black middle class in stagnation or
in decline. Instead, Marsh said, her work reveals a vibrant
population, but the composition is changing.

"Numerous studies suggest that the black middle class has been
losing economic ground – objectively and relative to whites," said
Karyn Lacy, an assistant professor of sociology at the University of
Michigan who was not part of the study.

"Marsh's innovative study makes clear that scholars reached this
conclusion because they've been focusing on the wrong people. By
looking exclusively at married couples, scholars miss the group,
which is slowly becoming a fixture in the black middle class –
single black professionals who do not marry or become parents. Their
status as single and middle class challenges just about everything
that we think we know about life in the middle and will demand new
research on the consumption patterns, housing preferences and
lifestyles of this influential group," Lacy said.

Acknowledging the rise of the Love Jones cohort, and the decline in
married-with-children households, also challenges a neoconservative
perspective that marriage is the way into middle class. It also
challenges policies that support marriage, which could be an issue
in the 2008 presidential election.

"Identifying SALAs as a legitimate and growing population could have
policy implications for home ownership, health care programs and
income," Marsh said.

SALAs and the Love Jones cohort have been largely overlooked by
academics, Marsh said, because it is conceptually easier to think in
terms of families, and in American culture single people are
generally not considered a family.

And while income is generally a measure of status, and dual-income
households are more easily middle-class, that does not necessarily
translate into higher per-person income. So Marsh looked a little
deeper and included home ownership as a measure of wealth.

One question that remains unanswered is what social scientists call
the "intergenerational transference of wealth" – basically, without
children, what will happen with their money and property?

It is not an alarming problem, Marsh said, but something people need
to be aware of. "SALAs might transfer their wealth to nieces and
nephews, cousins or even siblings," Marsh said.

She said her future studies will seek to determine where SALAs are
living and if they are living happily, and to find differences
between blacks and whites and between men and women.

Co-authors on the study are Philip Cohen of UNC; William Darity and
Danielle Salters of Duke University; and Lynne Casper of the
University of Southern California. Cohen and Darity are fellows at
the CPC.

Comments:

The black middle class is changing. This article gives me perspective as I look around at my buppie colleagues. Most of who are single and never married. Many which are pass the age of 27. This article gives evidence to the growing number of singles in the buppie community. As the article states, were does this wealth go? I think the very foundation of this single issue boils down to the lack of Black love in the community. I credit this to disparity in the genders. Black women are excelling far from black men. In the last 6 months, I know over 5 buppie women who have purchased there 1^st home on their own including myself. I know of one male. I hypothesize that this changing black middle class, when thinking of the single component, majority are SBF.

Beyond that the real threat is the lack of intergeneration transference of wealth! White people excel the way they do because they had an whopping 400 year head start on us to pass down wealth. Once blacks do acquire money, how many of us truly know how to pass that on? It is not ingrained in us, but any Buppie who reads understands the importance of “buying some land”, Investments, wills, etc. Within single epidemic the community needs guidance on ways we covey this wealth that we are just now coming upon…

Thoughts anyone?

An waaaaaaaaaaay off-color joke...

Denver Paper Catches 'Off-Color' Obama Joke -- Apology Offered

By E&P Staff

Published: January 17, 2008 11:55 AM ET
NEW YORK A businessman from Greeley, Colo, has apologized Wednesday after a joke about Sen. Barack Obama caused gasps during the National Western Stock Show's annual banquet.

In an article today, Denver's Rocky Mountain News recounts it as follows. The full article is at www.rockymountainnews.com

William R. Farr was pretending to read telegrams congratulating this year's award recipient, University of Colorado President Hank Brown, when he pulled out a piece of paper and said, "I have a telegram from the White House."

Then he added, "They're going to have to change the name of that building if Obama's elected."

Witnesses said they could hear people gasp in the ballroom of the Adam's Mark Hotel. "I gasped," said Gov. Bill Ritter, who was sitting at the table with Farr.

Mayor John Hickenlooper said, "I don't think he (Farr) intended any mischief or malice, but it was inappropriate."

Afterward, Farr said he regretted making the remark and apologized to anyone offended. "I apologize for that," Farr told a reporter as soon as the banquet ended. "I mistook it to be humorous, but it was something I shouldn't have said."
-----------------

And we think racism doesn't exist? Its clearly deep rooted...

Bob Johnson...some say a coon

NAJEE ALI: An Open letter to BET Founder Bob Johnson

January 15, 2008

Dear Bob, the comments you in made in attacking Sen. Obama this past Sunday at a South Carolina church before your introduction of Sen. Hillary Clinton demonstrates that it doesn't matter how much money you have it can't buy class or, dignity.

Bob, while you were shucking, grinning and jiving in front of the Clintons, are you that stupid that you didn't care that you came across as a bootlicking Uncle Tom? Your attack on Sen. Obama continues to prove how ruthless you continue to be.

In your own words which I will now quote you by, "As an African American, I am frankly insulted the Obama campaign would imply that we are so stupid that we would think Hillary and Bill Clinton, who have been deeply and emotionally involved in black issues — when Barack Obama was doing something in the neighborhood; I won't say what he was doing, but he said it in his book — when they have been involved," Johnson said.

We all know that Sen. Obama wrote about his teenage drug use — marijuana, and alcohol in his memoir "Dreams from My Father." That's old news. Bob, for you to attack Sen. Obama's character shows what a coon you really are. Bob, you are the founder of BET which is the laughing stock of African Americans who care about positives images. Yes, you are successful as a capitalist but a failure in having any morals and helping to support your own race.

The fact that Sen. Clinton or anyone would want or accept your endorsement is appalling and for me calls their basic character, let alone judgment, into question.

Over the last 25 years you and BET have done more to propagate some of the most harmful, destructive, and degradation of African Americans in the history of popular culture.

The booty shaking videos, misogony, gangsterism, violence, alcohol and drug use you allowed to air on BET on your way to becoming a billionaire was all done for the love of money. And now YOU want to take cheap shots at Sen.Obama?.

I am constantly amazed at how you are allowed to speak and move in decent society. But, I guess in your case, money triumphs morals.

After seeing you put on your best Stephen Fetchit routine this Sunday in front of Sen. Clinton as she sat back and enjoyed campaigning with you, I'm understanding a lot better why the country is calling for Sen. Obama and change!

Signed,

Najee Ali Founder / Executive Director Project Islamic HOPE

ALLOW ME TO INTRODUCE MYSELF.....

Hailing from the City that Neva Sleeps ..On here i'll be known as Mz. Buppie Buppie! I'll occasionally be hooking you with my NY State of Mind prospective on life? So basically I'll be writing whatever I want :).

With that said, here's the DISCLAIMER: All comments made by Mz. Buppie Buppie, should not be taken personally!


Aight, now that we have that out of the way, let the male bashing begin ...lol ..nah i'm just PLAYING! ..kinda.