Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Buppie Gripe: Children in Hair Salons, Spas, ETC.

I enjoy my time away from children more than usual these days because Monday-Friday from 2-8pm I work with them. I love children. I hope to have quite a few some day. HOWEVER, I am not ready for kids and would appreciate if they were not around messing up my ambiance in particular places i.e. THE HAIR SALON! So I am sitting getting my manicure, pedicure, and wash & set when a little boy comes over to me and starts showing me his stickers. Mind you I had my iPod on and this lil 3 year old appears like a ninja out of nowhere talking to me and crap. I am not a complete ASSHOLE so of course I talk to the baby and entertain him. But all the while I am asking myself where is this child's mother. This is my day of rest! I don't want to be entertaining anyone's child! Finally she rolls up to see where he is and finds that he is quite comfortably talking with me as I sit under the dryer getting my feet scrubbed. She then proceeds to walk away and go somewhere else. I wanted to yell "B*TCH get back here and get ya child!" Like seriously I aint no damn babysitter!

I am very kid friendly it seems. This isn't the first time this has happened to me and it really bothers me. If I am trying to enjoy a nice dining experience, movie, or pamper session at the salon please tend to your children. Preferably find a sitter so I do not even have to hear your child's voice in an adult place! Like it is seriously out of control! I feel like Samantha did in that one episode of Sex & the City when she was PISSED because every where she went people had their wining child. Last year I went to a movie with the District's Buppie and a woman had 3 children under the age of 5 in the theater. (Mind you this was not a children's movie!) Years from now when I am a mother I am going to remember this feeling and be considerate of where I decide to take my children.

Is this unreasonable bups???

Monday, June 29, 2009

Reccesion Rock

The recession has hit folks around me and has put me in a totally uncomfortable situation even though I am employed. Those who lost their jobs, have to find another means to feed themselves. This can totally destruct the paths one has set for oneself. After all, buppie, or not, everyone gets accustomed to a certain lifestyle. Anything that leads us astray from it, can make us all hostile.

Everyday, I thank God that I am blessed to be moving along life well. I aint trying to rock the boat, but it crosses my mind frequently what if something happened that took all this away from me? what would I do?

"I am a hustler baby, I sell water to a whale"- Shawn Carter

Intrinsically, I am a go GETTER! I know if something WAS TO HAPPEN I would hit the ground running. But running doing what??? Right now I am walking, and walking slow. Checking out the scenery. Everything is smooth, but not completely satisfactory. It is not hard work, it is habit for me now. I just do things because I am suppose to.

What is funny is, I think it will take me losing everything to begin truly grinding again? Right now I am complacent, when I do not have to be. I cannot find my true passion. I have noticed that with many of my buppie folk, that have been hit with the recession rock have unequivocally found their passion and are working hard towards bringing it to fruition.

Is that the trade off? Lose stability to gain insight and clarity?

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Black Tax

Some months ago I saw this local story about Baltimore Mayor Sheila Dixon.
Apparently she has , "12 counts of felony theft, perjury, fraud and misconduct in office, becoming the city's first sitting mayor to be criminally indicted." AND "she also is accused of using as much as $3,400 in gift cards, some donated to her office for distribution to "needy families," to purchase Best Buy electronics and other items for herself and her staff."

It is disappointing to read news about black politicians doing or being accused of wrongdoing.
Kwame Kilpatrick, Ronald Burris were caught up in some mess, Jesse Jackson off handed comments about OBAMA, BILL RICHARDSON(Hispanic/Latino) fake investigation that interfered with his Obama appointment, etc.

What confuses me, is that these GROWN people, who grew up in a time that was way more unwelcoming to their rise to power, become LAX. As if they have forgotten about the BLACK TAX.

BLACK TAX is defined by Urban Dictionary as "The notion that Black people have to work and perform regular task twice as well as White people."

There are just certain realities when it comes down to being a non white person in America. The BLACK TAX is real. It aint going anywhere. Buppie Must do: always follow this rule.

The rule will not always GET you where you want to be, but it will help justify why you are where you are just in case it becomes questionable. I do not know if this is the proper way to think, but I do nonetheless, I think that I am always competing. Everything I do is susceptible to the "Black tax".

Can you relate to the Black Tax? Or am I just tripping?

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Daddy Issues

Happy Father's Day! Today this post is directly inspired from the appreciation of having a father in my life and the realization just how important it is.

Men like to make this classification women.
MAN: How is the relationship with your Father?
FEMALE: Oh. He is not there.

Men need to stop faking though, because they have Daddy issues too.
FEMALE: How is the relationship with your Father?
MALE: All I got is my Mama

I do not have any Daddy issues. The issue being: lacking a father in my life. I am the product of a two family home. As I grow in age I am realizing how much my relationships with my Father projects in my relationship with Men. It is incredibly paramount to have a trustworthy, unconditional love from man in your life who is not trying to gain anything in return. He Loves you because you are you and it shows a person that this possibility of unconditional love can exist.

I am not saying just because you have a Daddy, you will automatically have better relationships with S.Os. Cus women and men with Daddy's and without are just as equally crazy.

When an woman has a Daddy, I find she demonstrates the following:
1. Realistic expectations of what a Man is. (No Prince on shining armor Syndrome. Although she may identify some Daddy must have characteristics.)
2. Higher expectations from Men. (She is familiar with what man is. She most likely will not fall for a phony.)
3. Have higher self confidence.

With men, daddy issues have a few effects. Men who lack Father's either do one of a few or a combo of a few things.
1. Are attached to their Momma's at the hip. (Mixed Feelings on this. But they have a strong strong allgenice to their Moms. It is usually extremely intimate.)
2. Overcompensate in being the MAN.(NOT to be Confused with a GENTLEMAN)
3. Develop some Chick characteristics.

So, Bups how has Having a Daddy or NOT affected you?

Thursday, June 18, 2009

On Bended Knee


The thought of it brings a variety of emotions over me. This summer 3 friends of mine are getting married. And I watched my closest childhood friend get married in October. (She is so stinkin happy!) People are really tying the knot. Needless to say with two of the friends getting married being female I hear endless amounts of their preparation ideas, plans, guest lists etc. Then they start talkin about having kids and such and it just makes my head spin. And I have come to an interesting conclusion about myself.....

I am intimidated by marriage for SO MANY REASONS!

I guess this is all an indication that I am in no way shape or form ready to get married and once I meet the right person and blah blah blah that will change. BUT for right now the sh*t freaks me out. I believe it is for a number of reasons.

1) I am an only child so sharing never has come easy for me. I like my space and my things untouched for the most part. So sharing my LIFE with someone is going to take a large amount of love!

2) I am NOT READY to have children. PERIOD! And I honestly want to be married a few years before I even start down that road. However, the thought of children seems to linger more persistently once you tie the knot.

3) I have yet to meet a man I feel I can trust for the rest of my damn life. Like even if we are feeling each other and in love I still think deep down that your ass will change and screw me over.

This is why I think the courting process is so important for a man and a woman before they get married. Courting is different than dating! Granted courting has become more modern and no longer requires your parents going out with you and your significant other on dates, I believe it is important for a man to seriously court a woman once he has made up his mind that she may be "the one". And any respectable woman whose feelings are mutual will play her role in the courtship and show the man that she is indeed worth being courted. (F.Y.I. Courting is not all on the guy! I believe the woman plays an active role as well.) In my opinion courting is a means of truly establishing a friendship, respect, trust, and authentic love with your significant other through private interactions as well as interactions with family and friends. I also believe it is a time to be COMPLETELY honest and to become mentally and spiritually in tune with one another with the end goal to be marriage. Courtship to me is a pivotal building stage in any relationship that you want to have serious longevity.

So Bups,

What do you think courting means?

Have you ever been courted?

Are you currently being courted?

Have you ever courted someone? How did it end up?

Do you think you are ready to spit them vowels?

Sunday, June 14, 2009

An "Ah Ha" Moment.

Its about 845am in Ghana. It is my last morning I will wake up here. Although I am refreshed and re focused to return to my U.S life with new vigor, I am thoroughly sad I am leaving this way of life.

This visit could not have been at a better time. As I embark on my Quarter Life, I am realizing so much about myself and reaching clarity on my future. An "Ah Ha" Moment.

Previous to this visit, I was in Ghana 15 years ago. It its a sincere and true privilege to be able to travel abroad. Frankly, it is a true buppie must do. If you aint done it, GET it poppin immediately.

Back to what I learned about about myself:

1. I am BLESSED. - You see out of my family I was born in the U.S. The rest in Ghana. My mother used to tell what she used to do for money, selling Yams at the Market. My father a school teacher in the village. And now they went from humble beginnings, and only one plane ride (them immigrating to the U.S) decided my families future. At the same time, it is their background that has instilled in me a STRONG humbleness, but also I AM PROUD!

2. I am BEAUTIFUL. - One thing I hate, absolutely hate is when someone tells me, "I do not look African". What the Eff does that mean? Black people, I know for some you don't know where exactly you come from, but to be real, no matter if you were the First slave in the 1600s, or like me, to be completely honest and based on what I have seen this last 2 weeks, all people with melanin, could pass for African! But do not take shame in that. Because I am telling you, Everyone here is BEAUTIFUL. All shapes, all sizes. All skin tones. Stop trying to europeanitized you features. African features is where it is at!!!

3. My Culture is Wonderful.- This visit I combined it with visiting many sides of Ghana and reading a book about the history of my particular Tribe. So much about ME, and my family makes sense now. Why my parents were raised a certain way, Why we act the way we do! It all makes sense. I have a culture, and I encourage all to find and identify with it.

4. I Forgot about LOVE.- I will expound in another blog, but in short I forgot it existed.

5. I love my FAMILY. - I am the first to say that folks get on my nerves in my family. I am a outlier ( as far as being born), but the older that GET, I appreciate Having my Family. We are thick as thieves. We really roll by that Blood is thicker than water motto. I know that if anything was going to happen to me, my family will be there. That is a great feeling to have.

More to come about my Visit...

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Greetings from Another Land

My faithful readers, thanks so much for your patience. Wanted to let you know that your girl has been spending the last week in Africa and I have another week to go.

In short, I have so much to share with you all about this visit.

I will be back soon...

DC Buppie....

Monday, June 8, 2009

What does the Buppie do for love?

As a young professional in DC, it’s almost impossible to find time. Time, the one thing you can never get back is pretty much almost always spent. I work roughly 50-60 hours a week, which factors out to about 12 hours a day, 5 days a week. (In reality that’s like 8-9 hours, seven days a week.) When I’m not working, I’m trying to work off the stress of work which leads me to the nightlife hot spots. So no, I do not have time to go to other places to meet people, I’m trying to work off some of this disposable income.

Complicating this issue is the fact that I’m heavily based in NYC, most of my friends live there, and I love that city. So I’m in NYC at least twice a month. So we’re talking about six days a month in which I’m in DC and not working. And in those days, I’m usually out trying to get it in. I don’t like to meet women in the club because I just don’t think it’s ever going to go anywhere. I’m also convinced that most women are only interested in my stats; Do I live at home? Do I have a good job? Roughly how much do I make? Do I have a car? What school did I go to? Do I have any kids?.. etc. etc. etc.

Inevitably, most of the women I meet ARE met in these lounges and clubs, and usually are through friends of friends. And I still don’t have enough time to seriously date them. Of course I could make time, but enn… I’m trying to enjoy my time away from work 100%. I also know that I’m fair too good to deal in drama and turmoil. So I don’t play games. I don’t have time for it, and I know I’m better than that.

I could date some of my co-workers, they know my lifestyle and they know how my work can be overwhelming at times. But as the last girl I used to work with that I dated says, “Don’t shit where you eat.” This is while she was sleeping with me…. I told you I don’t believe these women. I could date the women who are in my industry. Please note, that in my line of work, there aren’t many Black women and the ones who are there, know that they are the crème of the crop. It is nothing worse than a woman who’s got it going on, than a woman who KNOWS she’s got it going on. She won’t take nothing for nothing. They let you know in a heartbeat what the law of the land is. And honestly, until we are in a relationship, quit it with the law.

So these are my scheduling issues and lack of time to dedicate to the effort. In an upcoming blog I will address how I feel sorry for women trying to find these brothers out in DC. In addition to complicated schedules and goals, they have to factor in that we are the good men. And those good men KNOW they are good men and they fall into three categories; Single and focused on the career, Single because they know they can have whoever they want whenever, Single because they just don’t have the time or the effort to dedicate the time, and then there’s Single and looking. Only 25% of the men are dateable, now that sucks.

What should I do? What are you suggestions for how this buppie can find love? I feel like LL Cool J, I need love.

Keep it 100.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

It's Year-End Black People: Time for my Performance Review

For most of us Buppies who work in client service for large global firms, we are now entering the year-end process. The year-end process is the time of year when you must summarize your accomplishments at work, client and non-client related to make a case for how you should be assessed performance wise. I think I speak for all Black people in attendance today when I state, no matter how old I get, or experienced I feel I am, I just always think I'm going to get screwed over some booooooooulllllsh*t. More than being on the social scene or over-analyzing our love lives, or searching for programs to gain home ownership or access to free education, what we do as buppies to stay alive is excel at work. Many times in careers that we don't realistically see ourselves staying in for a long time, but we have to keep it 100 at all times. We also have to deal with the office politics, which are complicated for us because discourse almost always ends in a buppie being labeled a b*tch or angry black man. These are just my unsolicited thoughts and gripes about this process.

The only thing i'm focused on a work is getting to the next level. I worked very hard in school to get where I am today. For many people they don't know this, but i've been pretty focused on the path that i'm on since high school. I was a member of the Academy of Finance, Future Business Leaders of America, and the National Foundation for Teaching Entrepreneurship. I went to school with a double major in Finance & Entrepreneurship. I knew that I didn't want to do Wall Street, but I wanted to have exciting work, that changed often. I chose consulting. I now work in consulting at a large global audit firm. I am the "partner" type. And although, I doubt i'll ever get there because I think i'm far too talented, I do very well at my job because i'm good at it and use my education and experience to my best advantage. So at this point in time, i'm focused on moving to a more senior role, leading teams. I'm not ready for revenue expectations or managing engagements, but i'm focused on the next level. So it's important to me, that I transition out of a role of a great follower into a good leader who can be trusted without supervision. Now this is awfully different than the master and slave role that they love to throw Black people in. Most people in my industry are quick to doubt a Black man's intelligence. And to play devil's advocate, they all went to predominantly white universities and most of what they know about Black people comes from the media. And i'm sorry but Jay-Z, Kanye and Lil' Wayne are the best examples of Black intelligence. So i'm constantly having to fight for respect and maintain the highest level of performance without any mistakes or errors. Now at year-end I have to find a way to present this, without sounding like i'm feeling myself too much. This part of my life is called, "Humble aggressiveness."

I eluded to this before, but I know that I would make a great partner at my firm, but I don't think i'll be around that long. I just think that when I look at those people at my firm, they have some qualities that I have, but they don't have the entire suite. I am a great consultant, but I also have a creative side and a very keen sense of talent for hospitality. So what I also have to do at year-end is talk about my short and long term goals. This part of my life is called, "Lying my ass off." I have to tell these people that i'm looking forward to growing in the firm and spreading my wings, developing skills to increase my position in the industry, and learning about the financials of consulting. I can do a good job of BS'ing, so I do it, it takes just a short amount of time.

And then... without a doubt somehow I get screwed or overlooked. I disagree with something some manager or senior manager says about my work. Jason is a very intelligent worker, he should work on sharing his ideas with his team so that everyone can benefit from his knowledge. Wait a minute... I get in trouble because i'm smart and I won't tell everyone else the answers. Because I worked hard to get the answer, I should let everyone else skate? How about... no? So now I gotta find a way to disagree with my superior while being respectful. And somehow I can never find a good way to do this, so I end up just ignoring it and moving on. I mean really how am I supposed to handle that? "Excuse me Sr. Manager Joe, you're f*cking ridiculous if you think I went to an undergraduate b-school and have 4 years experience in this industry to tell some nitwit the answers who is just going to take them and act like they came up with them and I had nothing to do with it." Now i'm just an angry Black man. This part of my life is called, "Go eff yourself Joe!"

So these are a few things that rub me the wrong way with year-end, or just any performance appraisal/review process. What about you guys? Any gripes about your performance appraisal process? Up for promotion and think you won't get it? Just plain old skeptical of the entire process? I'm interested to know your thoughts.

Keep it 100,
Dr. J

PS - My review is scheduled for June 4th. I already know the results, but still pray for me anyway.