Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Relationships vs. Business
So my boss over here in Korea is not just my boss. She has become one of my closest friends here. We go to eat all the time. We discuss work, men, spirituality, etc. She is one of my new best buds. So when she invited me to dinner and said that if I left her school she would die I felt really awkward.
*Sidebar*
I am really thinking about staying in Korea for another year. Now if I were to do so I already pretty much made up in my mind that I was going to switch schools. The school that I work in now is like a family. I have formed some very great, and I believe lasting, relationships with the people who are there. However it is a private school and the vacation is almost non-existent and I do MORE work than many foreign teachers. However on the upside I make very decent money.
So anyway at this dinner she goes on to say how she believes relationships are the most important elements of business and she believes that as long as we continue to be friends I should be fine working at her school. (It is Korean style for people to tell you what to think and how to feel. They do not ask questions they just tell you.)
I am very nervous about addressing this situation when the time comes. However, I feel like I need to give her the heads up that I am leaving so she can find another native speaking English teacher. Before I bail on this school though I am going to tell them my demands and see if they can be met, which I doubt. I just think ultimately this may ruin a friendship.
I didn't come all the way on the other side of the world just to work. I came to travel and chill as well. Is that unreasonable? All my peers are traveling and constantly getting time off and I am trapped in my school all the time.
Am I being unreasonable?
Monday, August 10, 2009
The Awkward Phase
The awkward phase has begun. You know that point in a relationship where you are no longer just friends and you are really beginning to like a person but it is still undefined. Yep! MNG and I have officially arrived at that place. I am pretty sure we are on the same page about what we expect and do not expect from one another. We are still learning a lot about one another so I am not ready to be in a full on relationship with him however I do believe that there is still a certain amount of exclusivity and expectations in our relationship.
Characteristics and Situations of the Awkward Phase:
Where are you going?
Since you like this person when they are not with you, you really want to know what they are up to, where they are going, who they are spending time with etc. MNG always offers up this information so I never really ask until he opens the door. He is very sociable and I understand has a lot of friends that he hangs out with. Sometimes I tag along sometimes I don't. But I notice in this phase I personally want to ask a million and one questions about his whereabouts.
Introductions
So my mother visited South Korea this month. She has heard a lot about this gentleman so she asked if she was going to meet him not to mention he asked me if I planned on introducing the two of them. I don't like to willy nilly introduce someone to my mother. She tends to get attached very quickly especially if the guy is nice. However, they met and hit it off quite well. I never know how to introduce him or what to tell people he is to me. Like he is not just a friend but he is not my man per say either soooooo........ yeah. This is MNG! That's it!
Making Demands
It is only natural for us women, and men too I guess, after reaching a certain point to want definition and find ourselves making demands in our heads that we will soon expect our significant other to meet. I get nervous about making demands. They usually fall into place in my relationships so I do not have to make them. But what if they don't just fall into place? What if ones feelings are moving faster than the others and one starts to make demands before the other is ready? I honestly try to hold out as long as I can before I take it there. My last serious relationship was easy because it moved super fast. Which is part of the reason it is over. Therefore I am in no hurry to get to this place but I see it coming.
Extreme Vulnerability
A few weeks ago MNG did something to piss me off. He could sense it even though I did not say anything and he just asked straight out, "Soooo you gonna tell me what is bothering you?" It was honestly quite difficult for me to open up and tell him in a sensible way why he had upset me. I felt quite vulnerable and I HATE being vulnerable. Once I expressed my issue we discussed it and he apologized but I noticed the whole situation made him quite vulnerable too. He knew he was wrong but he clearly expressed to me that he doesn't like being wrong. But who likes being wrong? No one that I know of. So we both had to get over ourselves to resolve the situation.
One things for sure, whether you are in a relationship or building up to a possible one, maintaining a healthy relationship is hard work. Communication is the main key. But as I get older it dawns on me how challenging it is to have a lasting relationship that will work out for both parties. I hear so many of my friends talking about trying to find a good man or the right woman. Well I believe I have found one but it is still hard work! I think at times us Bups forget that key element in a relationship.....WORK! The awkward phase in a relationship is to me where the work usually begins. Now work in a relationship often takes us out of our comfort zone, forces us to admit when we are wrong or unreasonable, exercise extreme patience, and be very understanding of the other's needs. Granted if it's right things will fall into place and most of the work will be subliminal. But still you can't want a man or woman and not be willing to put in some work.
So Bups are you prepared to put in work for that relationship you want? Like seriously?! It can be a little awkward to say the least.
Wanting a Career Change with No Direction
I get this email over the weekend from a friend who is trying to change careers. And I really want to help the person, but I am reminded of how often I get these emails. People are looking for a career change and they are searching for someone to connect them with someone who will give them a job or an opportunity. I’ll tell you right now, if I recommend you to one of my contacts, chances are you’re going to get a job because I have a reputation of the people I connect. I also can tell you, that I’m not perfect and I have been called before from my contacts and they’ve been quick to say, “Who the hell did you send my way?! This person is a hot mess.” So for that reason I am very careful who I recommend.
I think that we all have desires to better in our life, but sometimes we are quick to ask for that “hook up” before we think logically about what we are doing. Epiphanies are great, I understand that. But you know what really speaks volumes, a well organized presentation. PERFECT EXAMPLE, I don’t know if many of you watch Entourage, but Turtle goes to Ari with a business proposition. The conversation they have is profound. Ari tells Turtle that before he introduces him to investors, he has to prove that his idea is a good one. And that takes effort and time. You have to sit down and figure out a plan for how things are going to work out.
So if you are a government worker, who works as an administrative aide, do not send me an email telling me you have determined that you passion is in event planning and would like to me to connect you with people in my network. A better approach would be to first start off by asking me what advice I can give you. And to be honest with you, I’m probably going to send you to one of my contacts then. But, I will preface your interaction with them as advisory only. A person seeking to change careers wants advice on how to transition into that career. That advice may be as simple as you need to get some education, or it may be jobs on a smaller level that you can take to build that experience. However, I will still insist that you sit down and really think about what you want to do, what is your end goal and what you think it will take you to get there. Are you willing to do all that will be required of you? Do you have a realistic idea of what you want to do? Are you willing to grind hard to enjoy the sandy beaches and summers off?
Just my thoughts.
With Respect, Dr. J
I think that we all have desires to better in our life, but sometimes we are quick to ask for that “hook up” before we think logically about what we are doing. Epiphanies are great, I understand that. But you know what really speaks volumes, a well organized presentation. PERFECT EXAMPLE, I don’t know if many of you watch Entourage, but Turtle goes to Ari with a business proposition. The conversation they have is profound. Ari tells Turtle that before he introduces him to investors, he has to prove that his idea is a good one. And that takes effort and time. You have to sit down and figure out a plan for how things are going to work out.
So if you are a government worker, who works as an administrative aide, do not send me an email telling me you have determined that you passion is in event planning and would like to me to connect you with people in my network. A better approach would be to first start off by asking me what advice I can give you. And to be honest with you, I’m probably going to send you to one of my contacts then. But, I will preface your interaction with them as advisory only. A person seeking to change careers wants advice on how to transition into that career. That advice may be as simple as you need to get some education, or it may be jobs on a smaller level that you can take to build that experience. However, I will still insist that you sit down and really think about what you want to do, what is your end goal and what you think it will take you to get there. Are you willing to do all that will be required of you? Do you have a realistic idea of what you want to do? Are you willing to grind hard to enjoy the sandy beaches and summers off?
Just my thoughts.
With Respect, Dr. J
Sunday, August 9, 2009
How About A Divorce Between The Right and The Left (Dwn Twn)
Oddly enough, this was circulated via email around my job. HR quickly replied how this was out of policy. As always share your thoughts..
Original Article
Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists, Obama supporters, et al:
We have stuck together since the late 1950's, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has run its course. Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right so let's just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way.
Here is a model separation agreement:
Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each taking a portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes.
We don't like redistributive taxes so you can keep them. You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU, and abortion clinics. Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military. You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore, Katie Couric and Rosie O'Donnell...
We'll keep the capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart and Wall Street. You can have your beloved homeless, homeboys, hippies and illegal aliens. We'll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms and rednecks. We'll keep the Bibles and give you CBS, NBC, CNBC and Hollywood ..
You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we'll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us. You can have the peaceniks, and war protesters. When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we'll help provide them security.
We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values. You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism and Shirley McClain. You can also have the U.N., but we will no longer be paying the bill.
We'll keep the SUVs, pickup trucks American made cars and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Subaru station wagon you can find.
You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any practicing doctors. We'll continue to believe healthcare is not a right. We'll keep The Battle Hymn of the Republic and the National Anthem and "In God We Trust" where it belongs. I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing, Kum Ba Ya or We Are the World.
We'll practice trickle down economics and you can give trickle up poverty your best shot. Since it often so offends you, we'll keep our history, our name and our flag.
Would you agree to this? If so, please pass it along to other like minded liberal and conservative patriots and if you do not agree, just hit delete. In the spirit of friendly parting, I'll bet you ANWAR which one of us will need whose help in 15 years.
Sincerely,
John J. Wall
Law Student and an American
P.S. Also, please take Barbara Streisand and Jane Fonda with you.
Original Article
Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists, Obama supporters, et al:
We have stuck together since the late 1950's, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has run its course. Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right so let's just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way.
Here is a model separation agreement:
Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each taking a portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes.
We don't like redistributive taxes so you can keep them. You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU, and abortion clinics. Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military. You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore, Katie Couric and Rosie O'Donnell...
We'll keep the capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart and Wall Street. You can have your beloved homeless, homeboys, hippies and illegal aliens. We'll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms and rednecks. We'll keep the Bibles and give you CBS, NBC, CNBC and Hollywood ..
You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we'll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us. You can have the peaceniks, and war protesters. When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we'll help provide them security.
We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values. You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism and Shirley McClain. You can also have the U.N., but we will no longer be paying the bill.
We'll keep the SUVs, pickup trucks American made cars and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Subaru station wagon you can find.
You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any practicing doctors. We'll continue to believe healthcare is not a right. We'll keep The Battle Hymn of the Republic and the National Anthem and "In God We Trust" where it belongs. I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing, Kum Ba Ya or We Are the World.
We'll practice trickle down economics and you can give trickle up poverty your best shot. Since it often so offends you, we'll keep our history, our name and our flag.
Would you agree to this? If so, please pass it along to other like minded liberal and conservative patriots and if you do not agree, just hit delete. In the spirit of friendly parting, I'll bet you ANWAR which one of us will need whose help in 15 years.
Sincerely,
John J. Wall
Law Student and an American
P.S. Also, please take Barbara Streisand and Jane Fonda with you.
Monday, August 3, 2009
Tick Tock Tick..My Clock Just Kicked in
This a bit of my random thoughts. This buppie is turning 25, and I'm starting to trip.
It is just about 1 week until I hit my "mid -twenties". In the beginning of the year, I made a list of everything I wanted to accomplish prior to this Birthday.
1. Go to Medieval Times.
2. Learn to drive a Stick.
3. Shoot a Gun.
Odd list? Maybe, but I have not done any of this. Life is happening so fast around me, and I am becoming more aware that I am not getting any younger. This upcoming age must be the age where people take note too.
As nonchalant as I used to be about it, I am now more than ever painstakingly aware that I am SINGLE!! Every time I have seen my mother, she asks "Do you have a boyfriend yet?". My sister was engaged at 26 and married at 27. She looks at me with the side eye. My uncle asks be how old I am, and says "Next time I see you, you better be engaged".
Dammit! Are ya'll hearing this tick tocking clock too? I've been trying to muffle it with this here pillow, but the closer I get to mid twenties the louder it gets.
People always want to boost up everything they have going for yourself when you are young. "What! You only! Wow. You have so much going for yourself!" or "You are young you have so much time to accomplish this or that." No, apparently I don't when it comes to MEN. When you get older, folks start questioning. There comes that point where they see all these good things about you, note your singleness, and now start to wonder "What's wrong with her?"
Really there probably is something wrong with me. But it is my hope its a wrong that one day somebody will love. I know I HAVE things. Those things only get you so far. I know how to look cute. I know how to buy a home. I know how to maintain a career. What I do not know is this find a life mate thing.....
...Or how to turn this fuggin Clock off.
It is just about 1 week until I hit my "mid -twenties". In the beginning of the year, I made a list of everything I wanted to accomplish prior to this Birthday.
1. Go to Medieval Times.
2. Learn to drive a Stick.
3. Shoot a Gun.
Odd list? Maybe, but I have not done any of this. Life is happening so fast around me, and I am becoming more aware that I am not getting any younger. This upcoming age must be the age where people take note too.
As nonchalant as I used to be about it, I am now more than ever painstakingly aware that I am SINGLE!! Every time I have seen my mother, she asks "Do you have a boyfriend yet?". My sister was engaged at 26 and married at 27. She looks at me with the side eye. My uncle asks be how old I am, and says "Next time I see you, you better be engaged".
Dammit! Are ya'll hearing this tick tocking clock too? I've been trying to muffle it with this here pillow, but the closer I get to mid twenties the louder it gets.
People always want to boost up everything they have going for yourself when you are young. "What! You only
Really there probably is something wrong with me. But it is my hope its a wrong that one day somebody will love. I know I HAVE things. Those things only get you so far. I know how to look cute. I know how to buy a home. I know how to maintain a career. What I do not know is this find a life mate thing.....
...Or how to turn this fuggin Clock off.
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