Monday, August 10, 2009

The Awkward Phase

The awkward phase has begun. You know that point in a relationship where you are no longer just friends and you are really beginning to like a person but it is still undefined. Yep! MNG and I have officially arrived at that place. I am pretty sure we are on the same page about what we expect and do not expect from one another. We are still learning a lot about one another so I am not ready to be in a full on relationship with him however I do believe that there is still a certain amount of exclusivity and expectations in our relationship.

Characteristics and Situations of the Awkward Phase:

Where are you going?
Since you like this person when they are not with you, you really want to know what they are up to, where they are going, who they are spending time with etc. MNG always offers up this information so I never really ask until he opens the door. He is very sociable and I understand has a lot of friends that he hangs out with. Sometimes I tag along sometimes I don't. But I notice in this phase I personally want to ask a million and one questions about his whereabouts.

So my mother visited South Korea this month. She has heard a lot about this gentleman so she asked if she was going to meet him not to mention he asked me if I planned on introducing the two of them. I don't like to willy nilly introduce someone to my mother. She tends to get attached very quickly especially if the guy is nice. However, they met and hit it off quite well. I never know how to introduce him or what to tell people he is to me. Like he is not just a friend but he is not my man per say either soooooo........ yeah. This is MNG! That's it!

Making Demands
It is only natural for us women, and men too I guess, after reaching a certain point to want definition and find ourselves making demands in our heads that we will soon expect our significant other to meet. I get nervous about making demands. They usually fall into place in my relationships so I do not have to make them. But what if they don't just fall into place? What if ones feelings are moving faster than the others and one starts to make demands before the other is ready? I honestly try to hold out as long as I can before I take it there. My last serious relationship was easy because it moved super fast. Which is part of the reason it is over. Therefore I am in no hurry to get to this place but I see it coming.

Extreme Vulnerability
A few weeks ago MNG did something to piss me off. He could sense it even though I did not say anything and he just asked straight out, "Soooo you gonna tell me what is bothering you?" It was honestly quite difficult for me to open up and tell him in a sensible way why he had upset me. I felt quite vulnerable and I HATE being vulnerable. Once I expressed my issue we discussed it and he apologized but I noticed the whole situation made him quite vulnerable too. He knew he was wrong but he clearly expressed to me that he doesn't like being wrong. But who likes being wrong? No one that I know of. So we both had to get over ourselves to resolve the situation.

One things for sure, whether you are in a relationship or building up to a possible one, maintaining a healthy relationship is hard work. Communication is the main key. But as I get older it dawns on me how challenging it is to have a lasting relationship that will work out for both parties. I hear so many of my friends talking about trying to find a good man or the right woman. Well I believe I have found one but it is still hard work! I think at times us Bups forget that key element in a relationship.....WORK! The awkward phase in a relationship is to me where the work usually begins. Now work in a relationship often takes us out of our comfort zone, forces us to admit when we are wrong or unreasonable, exercise extreme patience, and be very understanding of the other's needs. Granted if it's right things will fall into place and most of the work will be subliminal. But still you can't want a man or woman and not be willing to put in some work.

So Bups are you prepared to put in work for that relationship you want? Like seriously?! It can be a little awkward to say the least.



I went to a bridal shower this wkend & one of the ladies gave advice to the bride to be who is also a new doctor: “work as hard at your marriage, as you do with your career”

Anonymous said...

I totally agree that a relationship is hard work. I'm in that awkward phase now and it's making me feel more vulnerable than I want to be. I feel like I don't have control over the situation, which I hate. And to make matters feelings are alot stronger for him than his are for me and I'm going faster than he wants. It's really hard to be patient and go at the pace your mate is going.

Somethin Special... said...

I miss this phase... I remember in my last relationship when this phase started.... It lasted so looong becuz we clicked right when we met.. Talking everyday Gaawwwwwd that phase is like a two sided coin. Its nerve wracking.. and so beautiful at the same time. As the DC Diva passed on to you again get it IN on the work.. And Anonymous.. Patience young grasshoppa... Think of it this way if this is who u think your spending your life with.. Youve got plenty of time. Slow down and enjoy the ride... :-) Be Blessed Ladies..

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