Wednesday, October 14, 2009

My Degree Got Me Single

“Black men are more likely to marry outside of their race, and black women are more likely to marry outside of their education."

-Hannah Bruckner, who leads the Center for Research on Inequalities and the Life Course at Yale University, says the disparity can be partly explained by a difference in dating preferences between some black men and women.


Well Damn! and so my rant begins.

This is not a new topic, but this particular quote is a summarization of what many of my single buppie women are dealing with, comprising our values to date a black man. SMH.

Query to black men:

Is it an issue for a black woman to have more education than a black man? Is it possible or even likely that black men are insecure and unable to deal with a woman that has more education? Could it be that our black men are slower to develop professionally than men of other races?

Is it my fault that I excel, and value education? Should I just quit, sit home, and play video games? Is that really what you want?

NO! When black men do date outside their race, the OTHER chick is most likely still just as educated.

Although it may seem that my position is one sided, I am not making assumptions about all black men. However, I have realized for some men, my desire to progress professionally may be an issue. That is perfectly ok because I am just not that kind of mans type. We (black women who prefer to get theirs) should get over this (per Dr.J)and MOVE ON! GUESS what?! Uneducated men are not my type, so I’m MOVING ON!

It seems that decent black men are limited commodities. If you got one, congrats to you boo! But even those decent ones left, got issues. Social awkwardness, emotional deficiencies, overly evasive, etc. Plainly, these limited commodities know that they are in such high demand, that even the UGLY ones have the most courage these days to trying to bag the beautiful Lauren Londons, and Gabby Unions types.

Some of these limited commodities are living in LALA land. Hmph (Rolls Eyes). I had a male buppie tell me that he could not be with a woman making more money then him. GTFOH! Baby, in this world, this is bound to happen! So what we going to do then? Be stuck? Me, barefoot and preggers, because you’re comfortable with your salary? If you are insecure about $$ then F^&K it, I’m not your type.

I realize, that I am not everyone’s cup of tea. I am also not one of those women caught up on the notion of being with a black man. Break out and date outside your race!

In essence, the same discrimination these black men are giving us women, is the same discrimination I am giving them right back. SHEEEEEIT. I can’t do it. You got to want to get better with me babe! Not stifle me or penalize me for my book smarts.


omarvelous said...

I can't understand why some men wouldn't love to have a smart, educated, and paid black woman. I see nothing wrong and would LOVE if my other made more money then me... Not that she has to, but just the fact that she is getting every $ that she is worth is great to me. What does ones paycheck being bigger have to do with fostering and starting a great relationship? Your going to let a Woman's paycheck or a degree make you feel less of a man? Perhaps your already less of a man... These dudes need to grow a pair.

BrownEyedPanther said...

A degree does not determine how "educated" you are. Plenty of people have degrees and still don't know ish, simply put.

I've come to realize that the only sex who has a problem with education is women. Men don't care how educated you are. They don't particularly care how you "move" in your professional world. They care how you "move" in a relationship.

We think that a relationship is like work. It isn't. It isn't a race. It isn't a promotion. What works professionally doesn't also work in relationships.

Men want women who understand that. A relationship should never be a competition to see who is the best professional. I feel that's why successful black women are normally successful and SINGLE black women.

The District's Buppie said...

Well @BrownEyedPanther. I value your opinion! I do see some women who have education favoritism. Do you think this is because those women are in that "Men should be a provider mentality"? This is where I think it comes from.

BrownEyedPanther said...

I agree on one hand, but on the other I think women value education because they have something to prove, whether it is personal, familial or societal. Women want to feel as if they've got something that is highly desired by other people in general. And then women, I think, place more emphasis on children than men. So a woman may think if she marries that doctor or lawyer, as opposed to something non-degree related, she'll have a better chance to birth a future lawyer, doctor, etc.

True2me said...

Hey DC Bupps :). Good Post. I agree that you should get what you WANT out of a man if thats your hearts desire. Educated or whatever....

@BrownEyedpanther..hoooooooo..I know plenty of Buppie men who require their women have a degree or I have to disagree there. Its not ONLY women or ONLY men who require education. It's Buppie's in general..for the most part.

You know there is a difference between wanting someone w a degree and wanting someone successful and responsible. You don't need a degree to be the latter. Unfortunately, this isn't so understood by well educated buppies.

The movie Daddy's Girls is a perfect example of a well educated woman who falls for a man who was on his way to success. I understand that we think we are entitled to we "want" (I mean thats a whole nother issue..this sense of entitlement which most buppies possess) but in actuallity, thats just not how life works. And if you aren't willing to "settle" (Settling down..hello, means to stop looking..means to settle for what you got), there is no room to complain (not sayin you do DC Bupps :) )

Anyway..yeah think outside the box :)

BrownEyedPanther said...

Thank you for disagreeing True2Me, as that's all that was needed to be said. To imply I don't think outside the box would imply you know me, which you don't. My opinion is just that - opinion. I enjoyed your opinion for what it was - an opinion, not fact.

FiGZ said...

I agree with omarvelous...Some people who are professionally successful and smart mix relationships with work in terms of how BrownEyedPanther broke it down, "We think that a relationship is like work. It isn't. It isn't a race. It isn't a promotion. What works professionally doesn't also work in relationships." For me personally it's hard finding women that are sure of themselves. We all have our own insecurities and fears. Patience and a lot of love go a long way. Some good relationships form over a short period of time, but over time they become great with communication and sharing every thing of yourself (i.e. shedding the fear of being vulnerable with someone). People today are quick to make judgments of someone, especially if a serious relationship is possible. As BrownEyedPanther stated, "A degree does not determine how "educated" you are. Plenty of people have degrees and still don't know ish, simply put." That true for a good number of people. You can have all the degrees in the world and not have anything to truly show for it [shrugs shoulders]...just my few thoughts in the short break I have from my research. Thanks for sharing.

Anna Renee said...

I'm enjoying this conversation! We black women are acquiring degrees in larger numbers than ever before. I think its wrong for us to feel that money and education is the measuring stick for black men, especially since many times, racism excludes them! Is there another measuring stick? We black women deserve good black men but we ought not exclude those who havent been "educated". Can an "uneducated" black man be a good man? Do we black women have what it takes to encourage an insecure black man and make him know he is pure gold?

The Tenant said...

I don't know if I agree with Anna...the only man (regardless of race) that wants a woman smarter or more successful than himself is an educated man. So can you make an uneducated man into a good man? Probably not. When you fight, you'll probably say or do something to remind him you brought him up to the point he's at. When he sees you at get togethers talking to other men who are successful, he's ego is gonna take a hit.

A relationship isn't a race, it's part of life and life is a race. Nobody wants to be a loser.

Dandini said...

It has never been a wonder to me that educated black women find themselves with under-educated black men. Educated black men and women do not exist in equal numbers.

I know why educated black men are more likely to marry outside of their race, but I'm wondering if it also says something about black women in general?

Anonymous said...

V-log it....

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