Thursday, March 5, 2009

I Got Grand Jury!

A Few months, I got called to do my citizen duty, JURY DUTY. Never in my life have I had it until that day. Let me be the first to tell you its scary. It seems like I am becoming too familiar with the Judicial System. First my night it jail, and now my morning in court.

First I got the the letter in the mail. January 26. Dang. 8:30 am! DANG again.
I figured this would be an in and out thing. You know, go in there, say your racist or extreme, and boom. Your out. So to prepare for my crazy story, I made sure I was looking real bum like. Had my hair wrapped up, Sweats that did not match, crazy shoes. I should have painted my face, because that is all I needed to do to look like a clown.

So I walk in. Confused as hell. Where do I go for Jury Duty? Go to information. Room 3130. Ok Cool. Maaaaaaan I walk up them stairs, why is the LINE for JURY LOOK like the Line in front of Disney WORLD on the Fourth of JULY!!! I want to know how many damn cases they need jurors for??! Why did DC just play me? SO I'm chillen in the ILLEST LINE OF MY LIFE. When a clerk comes over and announces, check you juror tickets make sure you don't have a GRAND Jury summons. OK. Well I forgot all that ish at home. YEP. BUT GUESS WHAT? I got a CRACKBERRY. Pulled up my info. BOOM. I got a GRAND JURY summons. YESS!! I am out the line. Smooth sailing to the next room, where there were no more than 50 people waiting.

So while I wait, I just continue to rehearse my story. I did my research. I studied Unckle Ruckus because 9 times out of 10 this case had something to do with a black person.

A clerk or attorney comes out says please line up, check in and and have seat. COOL. I am second I go in a chill. Read the facts about grand jury. Nothing that is going to apply to my a$$ cus I fitten to get UNCLE RUCKUS on dat a$$. I observe the court room. Nothing Like that of the movies. All these oil paintings with old ass judges on the wall. The room was very petite.

After everyone checks in the attorney heads to the "dias". Here is what her announcement looked like "Good Morning Ladies and Gentleman. You are here today for Grand Jury duty that will last Monday through Friday for the next 5 weeks. I need 23 people, if you have to miss a day let me know. The only valid excuse is you are not a DC Resident, you are a felon, or do not speak english."


PANIC MODE!!! I do not meet any of those requirements!! (Who would have thought if I would have robbed George W Bush, Like I said I would, I would be a felon and excused!!)
5 weeks getting here by 830 AM and no pay! What have I done to deserve this??

The clerk proceeds to say if you have any of these issues of why you cannot serve, line up here. At first I hesitated. Honestly real talk, I qualified, but bump it was not going out with a fight. I reviewed the sheet, and decided that I was going to go with Health Reasons. I had two upcoming Doctors appointments, and I was recovering from a surgery. (LASIK).

It seems others infront of the GET Excused line were well prepared because all the 30 people infront of me, were steadily bouncing out of duty.

So finally its me. I walk into the back room. The clerk firmly asks me why can't I serve. Shyt.
"Because I got Doctors Appointment."
"So. You can be excused those days. So you can serve?"

AWW shyt. At this point...I am pretty much fucked. Damn 5 weeks.

"No I cant. I just had surgery and I am recovering."
"Really? Oh you have a medical excuse. Fax us a letter from your doctor"

LAAAAAAAWD!!! I love you.

Well, All was good until this week. I got a letter saying you DEFFERED your service, and You need to report everyday for 5 weeks starting in April!
Damn this is EFFED up! Why is my jury duty so long, and how come I cannot get out of this!!?

So bups, What I did not realize until now is that I did not get any regular Jury Duty. I got GRAND JURY!

"Grand jury is completely different.

No one asks potential grand jurors questions about what they do, what their beliefs are, or if they feel they can be fair. The grand jury’s job is to listen to the assistant district attorney (and sometimes witnesses), and then vote on whether or not someone should be indicted. Grand juries may listen to and decide on multiple cases per day - as many as come up on that particular day. Grand juries do not decide guilt or innocence - which is why no one cares if you’re an incurable racist. Unless you can’t speak English, are an illegal alien, or are a felon, you must serve on a grand jury if your name is called"

Stick a fork in me. I'm Done. :(


FiGZ said...

dam homie :-\ u don't get paid for jury...i sure did...i'm not gonna sit there and not get the word's of Mr. Brown, "bump that!" just get it over with because sooner or later it's gonna have to get done...ur just delaying the inevitable...get it over with and u won't have to do it for however long they say, which is probably 3-6's 6 years in NYC

FocusedFemaleGem said...

"and no pay!"

say the fucc what!?

That would've hurt the budget for VACATION...Nah Buddy...i'll fake a fall right in the court

The Tenant said...

bet u wish you paid more attention in spanish class, huh amiga?

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