Thursday, June 18, 2009

On Bended Knee


The thought of it brings a variety of emotions over me. This summer 3 friends of mine are getting married. And I watched my closest childhood friend get married in October. (She is so stinkin happy!) People are really tying the knot. Needless to say with two of the friends getting married being female I hear endless amounts of their preparation ideas, plans, guest lists etc. Then they start talkin about having kids and such and it just makes my head spin. And I have come to an interesting conclusion about myself.....

I am intimidated by marriage for SO MANY REASONS!

I guess this is all an indication that I am in no way shape or form ready to get married and once I meet the right person and blah blah blah that will change. BUT for right now the sh*t freaks me out. I believe it is for a number of reasons.

1) I am an only child so sharing never has come easy for me. I like my space and my things untouched for the most part. So sharing my LIFE with someone is going to take a large amount of love!

2) I am NOT READY to have children. PERIOD! And I honestly want to be married a few years before I even start down that road. However, the thought of children seems to linger more persistently once you tie the knot.

3) I have yet to meet a man I feel I can trust for the rest of my damn life. Like even if we are feeling each other and in love I still think deep down that your ass will change and screw me over.

This is why I think the courting process is so important for a man and a woman before they get married. Courting is different than dating! Granted courting has become more modern and no longer requires your parents going out with you and your significant other on dates, I believe it is important for a man to seriously court a woman once he has made up his mind that she may be "the one". And any respectable woman whose feelings are mutual will play her role in the courtship and show the man that she is indeed worth being courted. (F.Y.I. Courting is not all on the guy! I believe the woman plays an active role as well.) In my opinion courting is a means of truly establishing a friendship, respect, trust, and authentic love with your significant other through private interactions as well as interactions with family and friends. I also believe it is a time to be COMPLETELY honest and to become mentally and spiritually in tune with one another with the end goal to be marriage. Courtship to me is a pivotal building stage in any relationship that you want to have serious longevity.

So Bups,

What do you think courting means?

Have you ever been courted?

Are you currently being courted?

Have you ever courted someone? How did it end up?

Do you think you are ready to spit them vowels?


True2me said...

man no one courts anymore *sigh*

and women dont even DEMAND courting anymore and be all ready to be your girl .

All you gotta do is show her a little attention and what not

kudos to not being pressed to be married. IMO, you are too young, and if you haven't been w ur dude for 5+ years at this age, you are doomed, ESPECIALLY if there is no marriage counseling involved

best luck


FiGZ said...

Before I clicked on the post I thought that was you in the pic! I think people court just not in the ways in which it is defined though. As times have changed I think there has been an amalgamation of the two: "dating-courting".

I know It personally takes some time before I introduce any woman I'm dating to my family, let alone my mother. I'm a product of a single mother, so any woman that meets my mother is extremely important to me.

I know I've never been in the courting phase of a relationship (i.e. I have neither courted a woman and a woman has never courted me). As far as spitting those vows...nah, not right now...with time and patience things will come.

The District's Buppie said...

I recently read a book Boy Meets Girl: Say Hello To Courtship. I wish i really wish that this type of CLEAR Cut Courting existed. Courting is a respectful process in which you concentrate on building a intimate friendship. Courting is also mongomaous. <--- and that right there is the man deterent. Ppl want to see and dip in errrything instead on concentrating on making something good great.

DeeDeeLynn said...

My reasons for straying from getting anywhere near marriage outside of attendee or bridal party mirror yours!

I think that "courting" is really important before one decides to pop the question. If you are in a relationship with a person and you seriously have that "the next step is marriage" talk than it is important for both sides of the relationship to be thinking and acting in that direction. They should both realize that at this stage they are building the FOUNDATION for the castle that they will build together as man and wife. This takes hard work, but if your not ready to put in the work you should just fall back...and that is why I am sitting over here with my bricks nicely under tarp until they are ready to be put into use!

FiGZ said...

I second the comments on courting...but i'm an old-school kind of guy. I wonder how many gentlemen will ask their girlfriend's father (i.e. if he's around or alive, God willing)? It just seems right to do. I know I will do it when that time in my life comes around.

msteroftheflames said...

1. I think courting is the prep class before marriage, in which one starts finding and mixing the ingredients that will go into the foundation of the marriage. Courting is the environment that safely allows a person to intimately know another peron. As a man, I think courting means that I step away from maleness and into manhood, where I am prepared to prioritize one woman above all others.

2 & 3. I have been courted and I am being courted now.

4. I have courted and it results in an engagement. Even being engaged, I know that I am still courting my fiancee'. Thus, to the last question I am ready to "split them vowels".

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