Office Romance: From the Archives

This is a throwback from 2008 on my Facebook notes. Back in the day I used to turn out some of the baddest most controversial Facebook notes known to man. Anyway, check out this oldie but goodie.

This story was written in the first person to protect the contributing authors. I quite frankly don't care if you think this is me, that would make me a hero. Correction, that would make me more of a hero.

I’ve always struggled with the idea of dating someone at work. There are some important factors to consider here though; the proximity rule, free alcohol, and high stress. Everyone knows the best way to release stress is to bust a nut. And everyone knows that after a few drinks, even the ugliest have been known to get laid. However, the proximity rule may be new to you.

The proximity rule states that as you see someone over and over again, they eventually become attractive to you. This is your brain’s reaction to, “Well, this is all I’m going to get!” Think back to when you were in college at some of the people you thought were so fine. Looking back on it, they weren’t that good looking; they were the best of the crop.

Anyway so I started finding my coworker attractive and we developed a bond, we enjoyed happy hour. Almost daily, we had a routine; we would hang around until everyone left and then go to happy hour for a couple hours before saying good bye and heading home on Metro. The next day we’d entertain each other on how hung over we were. All that led to a time where we went out for happy hour, mind you our coworkers were there, we got drunk, we then left and went to another bar to keep drinking, and then we ended up at her place messing around and BOOM, I’m now having sex with my coworker. This didn’t last for long as with most things, I had no intentions on seriously dating my coworker and she couldn’t handle having sex with someone she was never going to be in a relationship with.

You’d think I learned my lesson, but no… a few weeks later I find myself attracted to yet another coworker. She was tough, a Dominican shorty at the job. Of course, I played my cards right, went to a few happy hours, kept up a heavy flirtation rotation and BOOM, I’m now having sex with my coworker. This was actually good though, because she wasn’t catching feelings, and let me know early she had no intentions of catching feelings. Until one day after a late night out on the town, I send her a “drunk text” and she doesn’t respond. At work the next week, she’s acting weird, two weeks later; she walks in with an engagement ring on.

Wait a minute… people don’t just get engaged in two weeks. She had a boyfriend this whole time. I wonder how that guy feels about his fiancé right now. He’s getting down on one knee, and she’s getting on her knees in other ways. “I feel sorry for you guys who have to pick a wife out of this bunch.” –Chris Rock

You’d think I learned my lesson, but no… a few months later I see this fat ass and slim waist walking through the office, fast forward… BOOM, I’m having sex with my coworker. The next week she comes in, she has on an engagement ring too! Now she won’t talk to me.

WTF… I thought I’d share this crazy story with you. I’m not sure who’s wrong, the person who keeps sleeping with his coworkers or these women who are married, engaged, or have boyfriends who are cheating so much. It is stories like this that make me reluctant to trust women.

What do you buppies think about that? Speak on it!