Dr. J is currently writing a book, writing on three blogs, (guest posting on several others), taking a life coaching class, and being a life coach to a few. He’s a busy man. In addition, he also is a Black urban professional who excels in corporate America by day and networks by night. Dr. J is a busy man. I’ll be the first one to tell you that I hate when someone says I’m too busy for [blank] because I’m focused on my career because it is a frequent cop out. But what I will say is that nothing is more attractive than someone going out and doing well for themselves and being focused on bettering themselves. Of course I get told by people that I should slow down, or take time to chill out, but the fact of the matter is the world is full of guys who aren’t bout nothing. Seems like the second a guy is about something women are upset about that too. I’ve got to admit that’s confusing to me.
I think women will say they appreciate that about a man but the first thing out of their mouth is you need to slow down and make some time for me. Wait, let’s clarify, are you asking me to move you up in the list of priorities or are you asking me to stop doing something else and spend more time with you? I’m trying to figure out if my focused mentality is attractive even if I’m willing to let it go for a woman.
I’d really like to do a deep dive on this whole, “come to me” approach women have but I really do not have the time. It’s just amazing to me that someone will be like I don’t know you because we haven’t really chilled a lot together. In these days and times if you have to understand that if you’ve been out with me once or twice that’s a crapload of more time and effort than 95% of the women out here get. To have the nerve then to be like, ‘it seems like all you want to do is chill in the house.” No, what I’m really saying is, I’ve expressed interest in you, but you should know that my priority will not be spending time out in the streets trying to court you spending money on dates two or three nights a week. Also, neither will it be once a week over the course of a month or two. To be quite honest, I don’t have that much time to spend getting to know you. Either you get it, you want it or you don’t.
I sincerely have had situations where I’ve been told that someone really hasn’t had the opportunity to get to know me and I’ve sat and explained to them, well, that’s because you don’t understand how I work. If you want to maximize the time we spend together or you are interested in spending more time, then I’d recommend that you fall in. What does that mean? That means, I work from 8AM-6PM, meet me for happy hour after, if not, then meet me at my house in the evening. I have work to do. This is big… do not get offended if when we are chilling, my laptop is open or I’m on my Blackberry. I can either spend time with you and do work/blog, or I can stop spending time with you and then devote my undivided attention to my work/blog. Make a decision. Yes, I know, there will be times when I will put the BlackBerry down, I will close my laptop, and I will give you my undivided attention, but don’t be a nag. Every time I pick up my BlackBerry is not a time for you to sigh.
Where am I trying to go with this one? Ah yes, priorities. My priorities in life are very career-oriented. However, I do not shut the opportunity for romance or a love interest out. All I ask is that as a man who is not acting like an ain’t ish brother, please find that attractive and respect it. I could be one of those guys who does nothing but work an hourly shift and come home and play Madden for 4 hours. I think a woman should seek out that “busy” characteristic in a guy. To an extent, you don’t want a guy who has no time for you, but you should seek out a guy who has priorities and something going on for him. Lastly, as terms & conditions, I will eliminate what does not fit in place. I also reserve the right to eliminate what does not fit without notifying the other party. I feel as though, if you really want to know why, you’ll ask and I’ll tell you. Don’t get mad at the result.
That is all for now. I’ll be back with more commentary soon. Next up: Are the Buppies being outdone by the Luppies? (In honor of Latino Heritage Month)
6 comments:
I commend and respect you on being a well put together brother,but you didnt have to down talk the other brothers who work hourly shift jobs(while in school)and play madden/nbalive as a favorite pastime,maybe women do find your drive to succeed attractive it may just be your arrogance thats pissing them off lol(just a thought),You aint the first and definetly not the last or only type of brother striving for greatness,even the most rich,powerful,successful black men found time to appreciate a woman's company look at our president,people like Russell Simmons or Bob Johnson to name a few,I highly doubt that they were slackers but I doubt they were acting mechanic like when it came to living life and acting like affectionate humanbeings too,you can still be successful and find more time for a lady that catch your attention 'cause you aint going find nothing genuine in a female without spending a lil extra time with them,Because 1,2 dates out a month ain't goin cut it homie...
...Or maybe you should just keep it real and let them know you just want sex from them on your time no ifs,ands or buts about it,it dont matter what they think,how they feel or what they say I mean they just females right other than sex they offer nothing of importance in your busy driven life right now 'cause you is the MAN GOT DAMNIT.LMAO!!(the real translation)
p.s Forreal tho' I wish you all the success you looking for seriously its a beautiful thing to see my peoples achieve what they sat out to do...And when you get certified on being a life coach holla at cha boy'cause I need help "inmycrazylife" just dont look down on my hourly waging worthless ass in the process.lol
I agree that a focused man is a wonderful quality that I look for in a man. However, I think BALANCE is important also. I am sure you will find some woman who is comfortable with where she is supposed to "fall in" but I do not think there are many. No one I know (male or female) would be or is comfortable with taking a number or making an appointment to date someone that is a CLEAR turn off. Being able to balance your love life and your professional life can be a constant struggle for career driven people but it is done every day. I believe people make time and effort for what they want to make time and effort for.
"I have expressed interest in you, but you should know that my priority will not be spending time out in the streets trying to court you spending money on dates two or three nights a week. Also, neither will it be once a week over the course of a month or two. To be quite honest, I don't have that much time to spend getting to know you"
Bawhahaha oh that was funny please excuse me well, you sure told her huh? I agree with the pervious comment, it seems as though your arrogance is a HUGE factor. If a woman is looking for a "focused" man I am pretty sure she is looking for something more than a fb. If you are not willing to put in the time to court her, or hell go out with her every so often why should she give a damn that you are focused? It is ALWAYS great to hear about our young men who have their stuff together and are focused, but BALANCE is the key. Good luck :)
Dang Dr.J. Your shyt sounds boring. "I work, blah blah, i blog blah blah blah, and write a books and life coach. blah blah blah" Does you no justice.
I think you are doing what I find a lot of buppie men are doing. Building your kingdom. You are not at the point in your life were women/relationships interests you more than the other stuff, because you have not milked life for all the things you want. You do not see the benefits of what a woman can offer you right now... Blogging offers you something, Life coaching offers something. Women do not fit. I believe once you are comfortable with your kingdom, you will seek an acceptable queen.
Anonymous#1 made some good comments, but #2 gave the answer to it all...BALANCE! You can use the term "multi-tasking" all you want, but at the end of the day when spending time with someone if you're on your laptop or your BB you are NOT focused, paying attention to, or fully listening to the other individual. I'd be livid too, if a woman I was spending time with couldn't get off her laptop or BB. Communication is key, in regards to letting the interested individual know all of this, but Balance goes hand-and-hand.
First of all I have to commend you for actually making an effort to find time for dating when you have so much going on. Most of the men around these parts that are really trying to do something with their lives just cut out dating altogether and at most grab a quick beat here and there.
I think the thing is though that when a woman sees a man like you who is driven and focused and busy, her eyes light up. Not because those specific qualities are attractive, but because it's an opportunity for her to try to conquer you. I think women want to see if they have what it takes to distract you from the path you're on...and they get salty when they don't succeed.
The older I get the more I realize that the number one reason women choose a type of man - the ambitious/driven/focused man the married man, the unapproachable man, the emotionally unavailable man - is ego. They want the ego boost that comes with getting him to break out of whatever mold he's currently in. And they get upset when they don't succeed in getting the better of him.
I agree with the first 4 comments. I just don't think you're ready for any kind of relationship right now. If you were ready for a relationship, you would be willing to compromise and either cut back on something or give at least one thing up completely. At this point, I highly doubt you're willing to do that.
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