Dr. J is currently writing a book, writing on three blogs, (guest posting on several others), taking a life coaching class, and being a life coach to a few. He’s a busy man. In addition, he also is a Black urban professional who excels in corporate America by day and networks by night. Dr. J is a busy man. I’ll be the first one to tell you that I hate when someone says I’m too busy for [blank] because I’m focused on my career because it is a frequent cop out. But what I will say is that nothing is more attractive than someone going out and doing well for themselves and being focused on bettering themselves. Of course I get told by people that I should slow down, or take time to chill out, but the fact of the matter is the world is full of guys who aren’t bout nothing. Seems like the second a guy is about something women are upset about that too. I’ve got to admit that’s confusing to me.
I think women will say they appreciate that about a man but the first thing out of their mouth is you need to slow down and make some time for me. Wait, let’s clarify, are you asking me to move you up in the list of priorities or are you asking me to stop doing something else and spend more time with you? I’m trying to figure out if my focused mentality is attractive even if I’m willing to let it go for a woman.
I’d really like to do a deep dive on this whole, “come to me” approach women have but I really do not have the time. It’s just amazing to me that someone will be like I don’t know you because we haven’t really chilled a lot together. In these days and times if you have to understand that if you’ve been out with me once or twice that’s a crapload of more time and effort than 95% of the women out here get. To have the nerve then to be like, ‘it seems like all you want to do is chill in the house.” No, what I’m really saying is, I’ve expressed interest in you, but you should know that my priority will not be spending time out in the streets trying to court you spending money on dates two or three nights a week. Also, neither will it be once a week over the course of a month or two. To be quite honest, I don’t have that much time to spend getting to know you. Either you get it, you want it or you don’t.
I sincerely have had situations where I’ve been told that someone really hasn’t had the opportunity to get to know me and I’ve sat and explained to them, well, that’s because you don’t understand how I work. If you want to maximize the time we spend together or you are interested in spending more time, then I’d recommend that you fall in. What does that mean? That means, I work from 8AM-6PM, meet me for happy hour after, if not, then meet me at my house in the evening. I have work to do. This is big… do not get offended if when we are chilling, my laptop is open or I’m on my Blackberry. I can either spend time with you and do work/blog, or I can stop spending time with you and then devote my undivided attention to my work/blog. Make a decision. Yes, I know, there will be times when I will put the BlackBerry down, I will close my laptop, and I will give you my undivided attention, but don’t be a nag. Every time I pick up my BlackBerry is not a time for you to sigh.
Where am I trying to go with this one? Ah yes, priorities. My priorities in life are very career-oriented. However, I do not shut the opportunity for romance or a love interest out. All I ask is that as a man who is not acting like an ain’t ish brother, please find that attractive and respect it. I could be one of those guys who does nothing but work an hourly shift and come home and play Madden for 4 hours. I think a woman should seek out that “busy” characteristic in a guy. To an extent, you don’t want a guy who has no time for you, but you should seek out a guy who has priorities and something going on for him. Lastly, as terms & conditions, I will eliminate what does not fit in place. I also reserve the right to eliminate what does not fit without notifying the other party. I feel as though, if you really want to know why, you’ll ask and I’ll tell you. Don’t get mad at the result.
That is all for now. I’ll be back with more commentary soon. Next up: Are the Buppies being outdone by the Luppies? (In honor of Latino Heritage Month)