Thursday, March 11, 2010
Ummm....What About The Ring?
So recently I have noticed more and more women I know are having babies. It's like a damn epidemic. Granted I know we are at that age and this is about the time when many young adults begin to start families. However that's just it, START FAMILIES. In my opinion starting a family starts with an engagement followed by a marriage. But many of these women are having babies with long time boyfriends or men they were just dating and decided that they were going to have these babies. My question is this...... Is marriage obsolete in the situation of having a baby now?
My answer is NO! I personally do not plan on having a baby UNLESS I am married and I have discussed this thoroughly with my significant other. (Now I understand accidents can happen which is why as a woman I am personally doing everything I can to make sure there are no accidents.) Like seriously, I don't get it ladies. Now say for instance you are getting up there in age and you just want to have a baby before your body gets too old to reproduce. In this case I can kind of understand the whole getting pregnant without a ring. However, the women I am referring to are between the ages of 22-28. Like can someone explain to me why you are having numerous babies for a man you are not married to? You are educated, beautiful and young. Now fellas be honest, let's say you meet this attractive and moderately successful woman and you all go out for dinner. How are you going to feel when she tells you that she has two kids? You still going to want to get dessert?
I guess my thing is this, I feel the sanctity of marriage is something that is often overlooked in our generation especially among Blacks. Which could be argued is why the state of the black community and the black family is effed and blah blah blah. (I really do not want to venture too far down that road.) I have spoke to quite a few black men about this topic and how ultimately I want to be married before I start a family.
I often get met with comments like:
What is that marriage certificate really gonna do for you?!
I mean as long as you the "main" you should be good. If everything works the way it is why you need to get married?
Man you just want the jewelry!
If we been together for 6 years and it works like this why must we get married to bring meaning to it? It's meaningful just the way it is.
Fortunately for me none of these men are MY man. (Whew!) But people you all don't see the problem with this school of thinking? And women you don't see the problem with being a "baby mama" or long term "wifey" and not his actual WIFE? Let me enlighten you all then. If he wants an out, he has one that's why he won't marry your ass. Simple as that. Now if you are okay with having a baby with someone like that or with a man that just isn't ready to be a real husband than yes we do have a chronic problem within our community.
Finally let me say this, I am the product of a couple that was never married. I was blessed to have two parents that made a GREAT parental team despite the fact that they never got married. Still as a person who grew up in this situation I know the negative effects it can have on that child. Which may be even more reason why I am determined not to have my children out of wedlock.