I Just Want to be a GirlFriend

Some women are just the marrying type. Not as in wifey qualities but as in they are looking to get married. Sometimes, like tonight I wonder why I am not like that. The entire idea of marriage is not something in the forefront, nor the back front of my mind.

I am at a point in my life where I can spot out my marrying type friends, and know that within the next two years they will be on to another planet. I fear I will be that lone single friend waving bye as my home girls drift away one by one! The reason I consider them the marrying type is because they set up their relationships to lead in that direction. Some may play house, some make decisions with their undetermined marriage date in mind, and some just plan put it out there!

Well I realize I am not the marrying type, one thing I look forward to is that committed, deep relationship. Honestly, I am not trying to be anyone's wife, I just want to be a girlfriend. I want to be with someone and develop a relationship. I want to invest time, develop true feelings, and set REALISTIC expectations. I want to spoil, surprise, and experience a man on the same page as me. I want to be a GOOD WOMAN to someone one day.

It is like I have learned so much from my past relationships and myself that I cannot wait to have the chance to "REDO" with someone. I just want to master my Girlfriend skills!

N Words and Nordstorm

I caught this video at a family affair.





Thoughts Bups?

Meeting the 'RENTS?

Lil Funny !


I am the first person to avoid meeting the PARENTS. I've never been into it, primarily because my parents are the most judgmental folks. I have seen how they "GO" on people!

To me meeting the parents, is a FIRE SIGNAL, saying "I AM SERIOUSLY CONSIDERING THIS PERSON". EEEEK!!! Scary!!! Presenting yourself to Parents to be judged is beyond frightful.

Did your Significant other (SO) brief you? I make sure I brief mine, and I expect the same. After all Parents are deal breakers or winners. I can always get RID of you, but not my parents! If my parents hate you, I will never stop hearing about it. If they like you, I will never stop hearing about it. Who wants to be in that situation??

On the flip side, the IDEA of meeting the parents is a sign of trust and respect. Its wonderful to have made it to the level where you can do this. While I like the idea, I am not always excited to jump into the action. EEEK.

Gynecology Facts All Black Women Should Know

Syleena Johnson, BDO Staff Writer

Courtesy of Blackdoctor.org.

(BlackDoctor.org) -- In the past few years, self diagnosis has become an internet phenomenon. I can't tell you the number of times women have written me tearful emails because they've read or heard something about gynecology they think applies to them – and it doesn't. A lot of what you read about gynecology or about caring for your va-jay-jay is either exaggerated or "just plain wrong." Because of this, we have decided to provide you with the facts

Secret # 1: Birth control pills may cause your sex drive to wane.

If your desire for canoodling hasn't seemed quite the same since you started taking "the Pill," it's not your imagination. It's 100% true that birth control pills can reduce the desire for sex in many women.

This is true not only for women in their reproductive years. It's also true for women going through menopause who may use a low dose pill to control symptoms such as hot flashes and mood swings.

What can you do to get your sex drive back? Switching pill brands or formulations sometimes helps. If it doesn't, consider switching to another form of birth control such as an IUD — if you're in a monogamous relationship — or condoms. Another option is to take the Pill less frequently and use another method of protection to prevent pregnancy. If you're using the Pill for relief of symptoms such as hot flashes, talk to your doctor about cutting back the dosage.

Secret # 2: To reduce some side effects of birth control pills — including nausea — insert them vaginally.

Inserting the Pill vaginally is not harmful. It can be very effective, particularly if you are suffering with any nausea or vomiting for any reason, including from taking the Pill.

This little known secret came to light thanks to an Israeli study published in the journal Contraception. Doctors compared two groups of women using the Pill. One group took the pill by mouth; the other inserted it into the vagina and let it dissolve. The result? The women who used the vaginal route had less nausea, vertigo, headache, breast tenderness, period pain, and stomach upsets than the ones who took the Pill orally.

Secret # 3: Migraine headaches may increase your desire for sex — and orgasms may stop headaches and menstrual cramps.

Having sex may be the last thing on your mind while you have a headache. But don't be surprised if you feel stronger urges to get intimate in the time leading up to a migraine — as much as 24 hours before. Doctors aren't sure why this occurs. According to researcher James Couch, MD, of the University of Oklahoma Health Sciences Center, it may have something to do with an increase in the levels of serotonin. This brain chemical may be linked to sexual appetite.

Moreover, recent research has shown that for up to 20% of women, having an orgasm may stop a migraine in its tracks, immediately relieving the pain. But this isn't the first time orgasm has been linked to pain relief. Goldstein says some women find it helps menstrual cramps — possibly because of a release of bio-chemicals that flood the body and relax the uterus, relieving pain.

Secret # 4: Avoiding sex will make painful sex hurt more.

Many women believe that avoiding intercourse and giving their vagina a "rest" is the best antidote to painful sex. Experts say the exact opposite is true. There is some measure of truth to the axiom that if you don't use it, you lose it. Stop having sex and resuming it may be that much harder — both physically and in terms of desire.

At the same time, she says, pain with intercourse is not normal. It often occurs when your partner simply isn't arousing you enough. In other instances, hormonally driven vaginal dryness — like the vaginal dryness some women feel when nursing a baby or going through menopause — can also cause sexual discomfort. A little dollop of a lubricating product or an estrogen cream applied directly to the vagina is all you need to eliminate discomfort from painful intercourse related to hormones.

If arousal is the problem talk to your partner about increasing foreplay. Then do whatever it takes to get you through the excitement phase and make your body ready for intercourse.

Secret # 5: It's easier to contract an STD if you have sex during your period.

While having sex during your period is the least likely time to get pregnant, it's also the most likely time to catch an infection. The reason? Changes in the acid/alkaline balance of your vagina during your menses make it easier for bacteria to proliferate. Normally the vagina is acidic, [a condition bacteria don't like]. But blood raises the pH substantially, making it a more alkaline environment and that's a condition that can allow bacteria to thrive. If you're not 100% certain of your partner's sexual health, always use a condom.

Secret # 6: Wearing cotton underwear and changing your laundry detergent really do work to reduce your risk of vaginitis.

Doctors say these long-standing axioms are not just an old wives tale. Vaginitis is an irritation of the vagina. It causes excess vaginal discharge, burning, and itching. Wearing cotton underwear and using a different laundry detergent can reduce the risk of vaginitis. Another way to avoid the risk is not to use perfumed soaps, intimate deodorants, or other fragrant products around your vagina.

If you don't see at least some reduction in symptoms of vaginitis soon after you make these changes, Goldstein says talk to your doctor. Your problem could be bacterial vaginosis, a yeast infection, a sexually transmitted disease, or another infection that needs medical care.

Secret # 7: To reduce the risk of developing toxic shock syndrome when traveling abroad, bring a supply of US made tampons.

The potentially deadly infection known as toxic shock syndrome is on the rise again. It's still linked to highly absorbent tampon use. These tampons are no longer sold in the United States, but depending on where you travel out of the country, you might still find them on store shelves right next to safer, less absorbent type. If you aren't very familiar with the language in another country, you could easily come away with the wrong type. To be safe bring your own from home, and never leave them in your body for an extended period of time.

Secret # 8: Avoid the use of tampons to protect against incontinence leaks.

Because a tampon in the vagina also exerts pressure on the urethra (the tube where urine passes out of the body), it can act as a kind of "stopper." This may help control leaks, drips and dribbles. Doctors say it's okay to use this method once in a while — for example if you tend to "leak" urine while exercising. However doctors warns not to make a habit of it and says to remove the tampon as soon as you're done working out. A tampon inside a dry vagina, they say, can cause significant irritation as well as microscopic tears in the skin. The irritation and tears can later open the door to infection. To help control everyday leaks, drips, and dribbles, you can use one of the new ultra thin incontinence pads. They are more absorbent than a typical menstrual pad and safer than a tampon.

Secret # 9: Intercourse won't increase your risk of recurring yeast infection — but oral sex might.

Studies conducted at the University of Michigan Health System showed that men do not generally pass a yeast infection to a woman during intercourse. According to the study it appears that the risk for recurrent infections is related to something else — perhaps the woman's immune response to the yeast.

Interestingly, however, the study, which looked at over 200 men and women, came to another rather surprising conclusion. Women who receive oral sex seem more likely to suffer from recurring vaginal yeast infections. This was the case whether their partner showed signs of yeast infection in their mouth or not.

We're not saying that oral sex is a problem for everyone, but if a woman is experiencing recurrent yeast infections, these activities put her at an increased risk. The CDC reports that up to 80% of women will have at least one yeast infection in their lifetime. A hormone imbalance, high blood sugar levels, certain antibiotics, birth control pills, or stress can also cause a yeast infection.

Secret # 10: That "urine-like" odor around your vulva may not be urine at all, but sweat — and there is something you can do about it.

Because secretions from sweat glands have some of the same components as urine, it's common for some women who perspire a lot to experience a urine-like odor in the area of their vulva or even on their panties. But before you jump to the conclusion that you have an incontinence problem try washing your va-jay-jay zone more frequently using a mild soap and water. Add a dusting of cornstarch-based powder to absorb moisture. Avoid nylon panties and panty hose, which tend to hold in heat and increase sweating. If the smell disappears then it was likely sweat and not urine. If it continues, talk to your doctor.

Courtesy of Blackdoctor.org.

Couldn't Make it to Inauguration?

Could not make it to Inauguration?? Buy something commemorative.

Hot!!! Ain't is Bups? And its GREEN! Recycled.

Check Out David Macaluso!

We GOT Problems

Ya'll heard that right? WE GOT PROBLEMS. I am excited about my Dude Obama. YAY Jan. 20! ...blah blah blah.

But WE GOT PROBLEMS. I did not vote BARACK because he was black. I voted because he would help us over our problems.

Today I stopped and pondered. This dude is walking into some SERIOUS SERIOUS ISH!!!. Like our ECONOMY needs a total revamp.


The CAR Industry was like the last thing manufactured in the US. (US CARS SUCK BTW) and that's pretty much a delayed wrap. Leaving us ...as what producers?....DEBT Producers. Cus again the entire system AKA American Dream is based on Producing DEBT (BUT pay the GOVT their cash first.)

BARACK is not our savior. He is our catalyst for change. We need a serious revamp on our fundamentals in the US. WE ALL need to get involved. I look forward to the day we are out of this slump.

V Day: In Love We Trust Tour

I just wanted to put you all on to an excellent upcoming event. I am volunteering for the DC show, which is Feb. 6,7 2009 !
The show is also happening in Dallas, LA, and ATL.
This shows are star studded! Make great nights out! Click here for more Info.

Both shows are BENEFIT PERFORMANCES TO RAISE AWARENESS ABOUT ENDING VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN AND GIRLS AND BLACK MALE HEALTH AND SEXUALITY!

Johnson Chronicles will take you through a journey from boyhood to manhood. These monologues about sex, fatherhood, intimacy, vasectomies, and the pleasure and pains of living with this personal, political and legendary Johnson, will have you laughing and will provoke intimate and deep discussions between men and women. Women have “The Vagina Monologues” and now men have “The Johnson Chronicles.” more...

This powerful stage play inspires female empowerment, inner-strength, and self-love. The Vagina Monologues is comprised of hilarious dialogue, and moving scenes, that capture audiences and make them think of emotional situations in their own lives that may have lead to violent acts, or emotional abuse. Heightened awareness of the impact violence against women and children is having on our communities is highlighted in this unforgettable presentation. Although entertaining, each monologue tells a special story that begins a healing process in the hearts of audience members scarred by the harsh realities of abuse.

My Music Spotlight

I am an avid Anthony Hamilton fan. He never disappoints. I have all of his albums and am always eager for the release date of his newest work. My anticipation for his music is always heightened after I hear a single coming through the air waves. His newest work is once again a testament to his mastery and stays true to his style which keeps his fans yearning for more. It is not for the faint at heart. You really have to be a true fan of authentic rhythm and blues music to appreciate this album. He has his traditional sultry honest ballads, tracks such as The Point of it All, Her Heart, and Please Stay. There also some more upbeat and tracks that give you the same heartfelt satisfaction and food for thought such as Soul's On Fire and I Did it Fo Sho. In addition there's a love song that has a upbeat ol skool spiritual sound to it that I really enjoy and then it switches to a slower ballad just like Stevie Wonder is known to do on some of his tracks. The song is titled Prayin For You/Superman. The lyrics are rugged yet engaging due to their eloquence and honesty. As usual his voice is raspy yet still maintains it's beautiful and clear melodic flow. If you are a lover of grown folks music pick this one up. You will not be disappointed!

Here are some of my feelings on some other albums:

Musiq- On My Radio
So I will admit I am a fan of Musiq but this album was not one of my favorites. The lyrics were okay and I can not listen to it straight through. It is not terrible, just not his best work in my opinion. So I just skip to the tracks that I like on this one. I don't think it will stop me from getting his next album though.

Kanye West- 808's & Heartbreaks
You either love or hate this album is the consensus I get from most who have heard it. I happen to be on the love side. I feel this album!!!! Like seriously! Now Kanye is no singer, but lyrically I feel this dude's pain. I know what being heartbroken feels like and my man is heartbroken! The first listen was shaky for me but this Kanye work quickly grew on me as I listened to the lyrics and the understood the message and mood the album was supposed to deliver. Street Lights and Paranoid are my favorite tracks.

Jamie Foxx- Intuition

This man does it again. (Clapping) I expected some club bangers and freaky mcnasty songs and that is just what Jamie provided. It is no masterpiece but I believe Jamie delivered exactly what his fans wanted. This is a cool album that starts with you wanting to dance and then transitions into you wanting to get it crackin in the bedroom, just like his last one. I hate to be so frank but hey, these are just facts. "Blame it on the Ahhh Ahhh Ahhh Ahhh Ahhhh Alcohol!!!"

Beyonce- I am Sasha Fierce
UGH! Beyonce's music is beginning to be strictly for the club to shake your ass and nothing more, nothing that I can listen to in the car. I just feel like if you decide to drop a double disc you need to have a lot of good tracks and she does not provide that. I bought this album because I like B. However, I wish I would have downloaded it. Disc 2 is more appealing to me than disc 1. The alter ego Sasha Fierce on disc 2 has some songs that I really just dance to sometimes when I am cleaning or getting ready to go out. That's about it though....

Raphael Saddiq- The Way I See It
This CD is amazing! Once again you have to have a grown up ear to appreciate it. The Close Confidant put me on this cd and I was skeptical at first but I don't know why I doubted him. This junk is HOTT! Raphael decided to do an album with an ol' skool Motown sound and he was very successful. He gives this ol' skool sound a modern twist and lyrically and vocally sets the bar. I have an old soul when it comes to music so this album suits me. The only thing I wasn't really feeling was the track with Jay-Z and this slow ass mind numbing flow he puts down. Like Hov, STOP! But the track featuring Stevie Wonder (I am biased bc it is Stevie and he is my absolute favorite) Never Give You Up is awesome.

Young Jeezy- The Recession
I know this is a big jump on the music scale but I bangs wit Jeezy! (It's my inner hoodrat I guess. People close to me know she is way strong.) He is another person whose albums I get as soon as they drop. And I waited a while before I picked up this album and I am mad that I did because I was missing OUT! Lyrically Jeezy just keeps it real and I can't hate on that. Plus he gets me hype! Love him. The production on this album is really good to me though. Like it bangs in the ride!!!! Hustlaz Ambition, Welcome Back, and of course My President are some of my favorite jams on this album!

Albums I have to give another listen:
Avant- Avant
John Legend- Evolver
Bups if you have heard these 2 albums I'd like your insight....

No More Whoopy

The other day I was having an interesting conversation with a homeboy. the past couple of months he has been complaining about this girlfriend. Talking all types of ish. But of Course I am the District's Buppie. I give my two cents on EVERYTHING. What he has was the case of, "I do not know what I want from a GirlFriend." I asked him to evaluate her and make a list of what you want from her and this relationship. This was a couple of months ago.

So, yesterday we chat,

Homeboy: "It's really a wrap for this relationship."

Me: "Sure, I Heard that a couple of months ago. "

Homeboy: "No For real though. Do not look at me like a feen when I tell you this."

Me" What happened?"

Homeboy: "Well, It really a wrap because she said she wanted to be celibate."

Me: (Thinking Pause...The Dumb Ish women do. Giving up their Puss Power! FOOL!) " Man she just playing. Maybe she is testing you. Besides, I thought you said you were not the type of guy who focused on sex."

Homeboy: "Well how I am going to go from Steaks to crackers? Plus said she just realized premarital sex is a sin."

Me: "(Thinking, NEGROS ALWAYS LIKE THE DUMB BROADS!) DAMn . I feel you."

Now the chick clearly does not have her screws together. There is nothing wrong with celibacy but honestly, if you are going to pursue it in a relationship in which sex was involved. Why would you not consider your partner's feelings? Plus how are you going to go cold turkey with him around. You at least have to get him on the same page, or break up so you can concentrate. I thought it was a test for him, but WE too OLD for TESTS and GAMES.

On to the main point, so after I got off the phone I thought about it some more. Essentially it took SEX for this man to break up with his girl. All the other shyt that was bothering him, and SEX was the final straw! Not the chick spending all his money, not the daily fights, not the lack of the ability to relate!!!


Am I wasting my time trying to be a better woman? Maybe I should quit trying to have more depth and quit reaching my goals, and just do 100 pussy crunches a day? SEE BELOW

Act Like A Lady. Think Like A Man

Happy New Year Bups!!!

So I hate for my first post of 2009 to have a negative tone but I gotta vent. Ladies, we really HAVE TO step it up in'09! Like fa real. So many female bups that are close to me were doing some pretty idiotic things when it came to men in '08, like habitually dumb. I hate to judge cuz hey I don't have a man, just male "friends" so what do I know?! But some things to me just seem painfully apparent that are not in your best interest as a woman who says she wants a decent man. But since '09 has begun I feel like these ladies that I speak of are making even DUMBER decisions and they're talk about getting out of these situations is just that....TALK!

To add insult to injury I was listening to my favorite, The Steve Harvey Show, this morning and The Strawberry Letter was dumb as hell AS USUAL! A woman who THINKS she knows something getting played by a man. This morning it was a woman who has been seeing a married man for 7 years and has a 3 year old son with him. She wasn't worried about him being married she was just mad that he was so jealous. BITCH YOU SERIOUS?! Of course Steve said something that was right on the mark and made me think about some of my friends. Women are always asking why men cheat and why they do some of the other crazy things they do. Then they say the crazy SH*T they put up with in the same breath. Women, are the reason men cheat and act crazy! It is because women allow them to do this. When the women I know make this ridiculous, "All men cheat and are no good" statement I often reply well you allow that type of behavior so what do you expect?!

So I am happy to say that the book will be out at the end of the month....


Needless to say I will be buying a copy of this book for myself as well as several additional copies for some other women in my life who I feel should read what Mr. Harvey has to say. I find much of what Steve Harvey has to say about relationships to be quite insightful and have been looking forward to seeing his thoughts organized through this book.

Ok ladies, let's get with the program in 2009! Especially if you CLAIM you want happiness!

12 Rules For a Successful New Year

Sharing this with Bups!

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1. Make at least one life altering resolution.

2. Plan, prepare, be prayerful, patient, passionate and persistent.

3. Isolation and pride breeds doubt and procrastination. Take advantage of the power of accountability.

4. Avoid wishful thinking, excuses, blame and pity parties. Let go of the coulda, woulda and shoulda.

5. You can't do it alone. Work on building your networking skills, relationships, mentoring, and professional alliances.

6. Write your goals down and keep them visible (out of sight, out of mind).

7. What's important to you this new year? Don't make promises or unrealistic goals to impress others.

8. Open yourself to opportunities to grow outside of your comfort zone.

9. Develop your faith, confidence, skills and education so you can seize opportunities and endure adversity.

10. Be discerning about who you share your goals with.

11. Only the strong survive. Shifts happen. Be flexible and resilient. Don't let anything or anyone steal your dreams, faith, joy, purpose or sense of humor.

12. Grow and go for your goals with determination and faith. Let your light shine in 2009!

Buppie in 2009

2008. IS OVER! Did the year fly for you?
Nonetheless, 2009 is here. Count your blessings, and become more focus Bups!

Well this year, the blog is going to evolve.

Stay tuned:
-For a MALE Buppie Perspective
- PODCASTS
-VLOG's


Please email us at askthebuppie@gmail.com. Comments suggestions...!


Happy New Year!