Friday, March 21, 2008

The Constant Rebounds

Why are many buppie women so afraid to be alone? Well maybe not afraid, I think that may be the wrong way to put it. Why are so many easily swindled into dealing with a man when honestly they need to be alone to learn more about themselves. It has been an observation of mine lately that many of my peers are dating just for the sake of having someone. Nothing necessarily good is coming out of it. It is just for comfort. Hey I am guilty of this myself. I was previously in a serious relationship and since its ended old and new flames have come into my life only to well.....occupy my time and have gone no where. And this is not because of anything that they have done necessarily (in some cases not all) but ultimately it is about me just not needing to not settle and needing to do some self exploration about my last relationship and what I want in my next one.

So I pose this question, what is wrong with "me" time? Especially after a relationship? Currently I have been taking the time to do more things to advance my career, grow spiritually and meditate more, as well as become more physically fit. These are all things that I can do with a man but why allow the distraction when there is no urgency to having one right now. I do not think women should avoid relationships but I do think that we should be more poised and selective in our reasoning for embarking upon them rather they be casual or serious.

I was speaking with a bup that recently got out of a difficult 3 year relationship and is now seriously talking with another fellow. She says she often gets sad thinking about her ex when she is with her newbie yet and still she is full speed ahead in dating her new fellow. Isn't that bad? Shouldn't you take the time to really recoup, regroup, and recollect on that last relationship before you just jump into a new one?

Another buppie expressed to me that she is with a guy whom she argues with everyday and is not happy at all but she honestly feels that if she were not with him she would be less happy. I was like "What?" Maybe I am stark raving mad but it seems to me that this trend among black woman is so prevalant and I do not understand why. So many woman would rather be with a man that makes them sick rather than alone. Why are women so afraid of being alone? I have seen this in my family and among many of my friends. Here are some of the top reasons I have observed

5) Financial Need

4) There's just always someone pursuing even when I'm tryin to be alone so....what the hell why not?

3) Kids

2) General Companionship

1) SEX!

In my opinion this is more reason why women honestly need to take a period in their lives and seriously fly solo. Maybe some woman only need a few months and others a few years. But I think this time for woman, particularly bups can be used to get closer to GOD, get financial stability on their own, make career moves without thinking about how it may affect another, seriously learning about yourself and what you need etc. It creates the courage and know-how to be independent. These are things that will make you a better woman for the man that is destined for you and will give you more clarity on who that man should be. (These things often apply to men too but I think may be a little more crucial to women because we are more emotional) Many women, including myself, claim to have done this but in all actuality have not. It is crucial to your development. Helps you to raise your standards and never settle. If you think about it most woman have been being pursued by men since they were around 14 years of age. And personally after many of my relationships I have found the most clarity and understanding of what I should take away from them comes in the solitude after them, rather it was a serious relationship or a summer fling. If you never really take any time alone how do you evaluate? You are too busy trying to impress the next suitor.

So before you just rebound and go for the next shot, maybe dribble a little bit and strategize the next play....... ALONE!


focusedfemalegem said...


I hear what you're saying. But for me, it may just be time for some of us to explore...

I understand personal growth. I do, and I agree that not enough women do it. However, I also understand that not all good things come to those who wait.....

feel me

Up&Coming Buppie said...

Def understand Focusedfemalegem. But really NOT ENOUGH women take time to actually do it. I also understand that sometimes you gotta go out and get what you want so if that is the case get yours! Just make sure you are ready before you jump in cuz there are quite a few emotionally jacked up females out lookin for men and don't have their own stuff together. Not EVERY woman though just some.

focusedfemalegem said...

"Just make sure you are ready before you jump in cuz there are quite a few emotionally jacked up females out lookin for men and don't have their own stuff together."

Let the Church say AMEN!

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