Sunday, June 15, 2008

Make YourSelf Approachable!!!??

I like to meet new folks, dance, and people watch. I think I am physically attractive, so I do hope to meet a man or two. Does not happen.
Now, meeting a boyfriend in the club these days is unrealistic. However, there is something about the fact of being approached that in a sense boosts or affirms confidence. It makes us feel good to feel desired and men it makes you feel good to walk away with the deal complete.

Which leads me to this point. "Why is that women, especially black women, have to make themselves approachable?"

To my buppie women out there. You know what I mean right? You say no, and its why you have attitude? You just don't feel like dancing to one song with someone, and its why did you come to the club angry? You got on a fly ass outfit, your hair is done, you know you look good, but the ugliest guy with the one eye and patch is the only guy bold enough to holla??

What is going on here???

Black women are prejudged as being mean shyster hoes. No matter how nice she is, if she is black, many men come to the situation intimidated. They come in not wanting to put in the work to really try to build a rapport for that phone number.

See Exhibit A: This is what a black male posted to his blog.

Q. Do you date women who aren’t black?

A. Almost exclusively. Not because I don’t like black women, but because a.) black women tend not to be attracted to me and b.) most other races are. I love black women, but I’m not gonna break my balls just trying to get the time of day from a black girl when the hot indian girl across the room is asking ME for MY number.


It’s admittedly frustrating, though, to see my non-black dates being scowled at by black women who would never date me themselves. Oh well.

There is prejudice oozing from this Q/A. How did it become that we get completely ruled out because a few did not run up to you and beg you to put your D_CK in our mouth??? Are men, buppie men too good to approach women anymore? I mean give us a chance. Not every black woman is the same. You want us to chase you? Is it not the universal rule that men should court women? Oh and then we scowl uh? Let me tell you that some folks are not comfortable with interracial dating. RACE is still an ISSUE. However, its most always pointed out when a black woman disapproves. Do you think Indian men like seeing you with their woman?? But they not scowling uh? Of course not, but because one is a evil doer black woman, its highlighted.

Exhibit B.
Listen to first 5 minutes. Homeboy is rambling:

What is going on in the world? Black women are being demonized! He tells us we need to become more feminine? Oh please! Men need to become more masculine, and stop being scared to approach a woman. What is it that women of other races do that makes them a appear more friendly?? Do you ever stop and think that maybe society makes you think black=evil? Makes you think pink nipples are preferable? And perhaps, just perhaps, these are your issues you project on to us? Perhaps my regular chill face reminds you of your discriminatory practice, or reminds you of yourself, and that is what scares you..

Some men have said that black woman have too many high standards. Oh really? I did not know having a job was so unusual? I mean after all about 130 million people in the US have jobs.

It frustrates me to hear an entire race discounted. As much as I am frustrated with black men, I will never say I would never date them, just because the last few have been shiftless, selfish, and dishonest. Yet they continue to degrade us! What happen to Equal Opportunity?

Do not discount us buppie women.

So how about this: Instead of us making ourselves MORE approachable, how about you men create better approaches?? Are we not worth it? We are quite comparable to all women of all backgrounds. Buppie women are capable of being just as friendly, sexy, and smart as any other woman. Do not be scared. If she is not smiling, perhaps she is waiting for the right man to crack a joke? Or maybe honestly, she may need a drink, so buy her one. If she is with a group of her girls, how about you catch her attention and ask her to step away from her girls so you can chit chat. BET she will do it. If she looks exxxxxxtra fly. Stop look at what you have on and examine if you may be on that level. If she is scowling, look her in the eye, and ask her "What can I do to make you smile?" And if she does not give you the D's (Digits or Draws), you know what EFF her not her entire race, ok?


Up&Coming Buppie said...

AMEN to this post! The District's Buppie brings up some valid points. Why must we all suffer for a couple of women with attitude problems? And I go out with The District's Buppie every so often and I think most men who do end up engaging us in conversation always end up commenting about how nice we are and how he never would have thought we were so cool before coming to engage us in conversation. Most men should try this more. Before you start tryin to "game" me just come engage me in some simple conversation. I get approached a lot but I feel 9 times out of 10 it is a panty pursuit. Or just wanting to grope on me while we dance which I am not cool with which is the reason why I rarely dance with a dude at the club. I do not even seek a guy that I would date in a club anymore. I need to be in a different atmosphere. I have found your occasional happy hour setting, art gallery opening, or dare I say online community has brought me better dates than most men I have met in the club.

Just some random thoughts.

Anonymous said...

Sorry but i may have to agree to a certain extent w/ the gentleman in the audio clip. I'm a Black Canadian woman & I don't know about you but when it comes to the club I do one of two things: I step my game up, so that become the center of attention for the guy that I'm checking or I say "Ok, next?!". Its as simple as that; no attitude, no "why is he dancing w/ that(fill in a race here) girl?!" Unfortunately, there is a serious stigma that exists for African-American women, that needs to be address amongst the group. You would not believe the amount of stories I've heard over the years about this subject. So when the come to Canada for business or pleasure, they are relieved to find that the "reputation" black women have garnered, only exists in America. Now that says a lot!

Come on ladies, the male species is so simple! And now they've made it dummy-proof by tell us WHAT gets their attention; what more do you need? The solutions are effortless. So stop playing the victim and get out there in the game with the rest of us. otherwise take your ball and go home! Complaining all the time doesn't leave room for happiness.

"There's no fate but what me make for ourselves"...its simple karma!

Casanova Black said...

Interesting post. First, I just want to say that you will NOT find a quality 'buppie' guy in the club. In my opinion, putting quality guy and club in the same sentence is paradoxical after college. However, you will find us in a lounge during happy hour, a coffee shop, or a museum on the weekend.

Second, black women have to learn to shoulder some of the responsibility for how disrespectful some men act. The sistas that respond to this faux 'thuggery' and 'bling' culture really make it hard for the rest of us who are out here doing what we need to do. I know women like an assertive, interesting man, but encouraging the negative images we are bombarded with daily isn't the way to go about it.

Third, many of the good ones aren't doing the 'panty pursuit'...outright. We understand the art of subtlety without having to engage in stupid mind games...but this is just one man's opinion.

Anonymous 2 said...

Casanova Black, because you dont party,and enjoy reading or playing counterstrike for 15 hours at a offense does not mean that there aren't buppie men that go to the club. I run a party based business among my many business ventures, and alot of my clients are buppie males and females... Just needed to get that out of the way.

Next point,

Audio clip dude has some good points.

The eye... is probably the most powerful move a woman has in my book. It calls attention, it says hey come over.

The scowl... or what some women mistake the eye for, means in a my book that a chick is real stank, and i should keep it moving.

Now if your giving a dude the eye in the crowd of your girlfriends... Do you feel approachable, because it looks like your standing around 4-5 cockblockers... Dude on the tape said it.. you need wing men and many other measures need to be taken, to actually talk to you because your not approachable. Just thinking about when I go to the club, I probably go with one maybe two friends, and its unfair to have my boi try to hold back the cockblocking troops.

Now I agree with casanova on the third point. Its not all about the panties, buppie men at this point should be able to smoothly get their points across.

Now Sargent had great points if you actually listened and can comprehend what he is saying. You can choose not to agree and stay using the method you use now and stay single, or try it out a few times and see if you get results...
Trying never hurts. Being open to change and opinions shouldn't hurt that much as well.

Finding a man at the club, may not be the right place to get one like casanova said, but im sure its not impossible. With the numbers of buppies that attend my events, im sure that they go to the places you go to as well.

When you think your not doing anything wrong, and feel like its the worlds fault... maybe its time to stop and think that some of the problem begins with you. Everyone can't be wrong, and if its always the same issues given... im sure you get the point.

Disclaimer, I wrote this pretty quick and on the run so pardon grammatical or spelling errors

AccompliFemme said...

This was a very interesting post, I am not African American but I am black (dark skinned) I am currently in a relationship with a African American Man. Honestly we do not feel that we are in inter-racial relationship because we are of the same skin tone, but when his African American female friends find out I am not African American they say "well at least she looks black". When the guys find out they say "She is exotic and sexy".

These are the things that black women refer to. I love who I am as a woman and the culture I belong to but I do not think it makes me sexier than a black woman. I have seen and met a lot of sexy, gorgeous black women. I think some people are just into having something different or at least trying something different.

However, I do hear people (mainly men) say "black women are loud, crazy" and stuff like that. The reality is that there are crazy people in all cultures, races and creeds. I feel that often men generalize a lot to try to justify their actions as individuals.

To address the "Panty pursuit", lets just keep it funky, some people just want to get the pipe and bounce, and for guys they just want to give it and call it a day. I think its all about finding your ground and knowing how get what you want. Some men like to pretend they want something else when in reality they just want to hit it. But if give yourself the chance to get to know us as women you would see what it is that we really want. And that goes for all races, and cultures.

Anonymous said...

wtf?? Im not black and all i get is black girls, please i live for the walls of attitude just to tear em down, and reveal that soft juicy center ;)

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