Friday, February 8, 2008

Busy Like a Beeyatch

Dear Buppie,

I, also being a bUP, am interested in your opinion on the following issue:I am currently in a relationship, which used to be brilliant until I found myself working about 60 hours a week, and going to the gym 5-6 days a week (including weekends) and still needing ME/ entrepreneurial aspiration time. Now it seems as though I do not have enough time for this person, and I am unsure what to do because they are a good person, but so am I! And i want to become a better person (which i am working on). Since i am in my late twenties, is it better to CAN all the self development and flag her down? Or should i keep my eyes on the prize? 50 Cent once said,"you hustlin backwards if you chasin a chick...stupid, chase paper they come with the sh*t." Your thoughts...

- Busy


This is kind of a difficult one because only you know the true answer to this dilemma. I mean in every relationship a person needs "me" time. Time when they work on their personal development or just time that they spend doing things alone like working out perhaps. Now the question is do you miss your girl when you are not with her. Clearly you have accepted the fact that you don't see each other a lot but do you even care? It seems like you do but not enough to really do something about it and if that is the case that's FINE! At times we realize after some time has passed that we are not ready to really put the work that is actually needed into a relationship. Especially when something is thrown into the equation that wasn't originally there. For you that is more hours on the job. It is important however, that you are honest with your girl and most importantly yourself about what you want. Trust me I have been in your girl's shoes before and it aint fun. So you owe it to her to be honest with her about how you feel. And don't take 4 months to do it either! (Sorry that was personal)

So the frank answer is this. I would make a pros and cons list. Pros and cons of your relationship. Do some relationship inventory. If you find this woman is truly the woman for you based on this assessment than slow down partna and give your woman the acknowledgement she deserves. But if you find that you are just not ready to take that leap, unsure if she is the one, or just care more about yourself more right now than's only fair to cut it short. However, if it is purely for the reason that you don't have the time and you are more worried about yourself right now, make sure you are not losing a good woman who is right for you out of selfishness. Because when you are ready she may not be there waiting. Hope this helps a little....

P.S. I wouldn't model too much of my life after the words of 50 cent. Granted he is paid I mean..... just doesn't seem like a good look to me.

- Up&Coming's POV


First of all, Busy quoting 50 cent for relationship parallels is a NO-NO!! LMAO!!

I can really relate to what you are trying to do! I am on the same track of developing and investing in my self. All this focus on yourself makes you selfish, you know that right?

Its ok dude, you’re selfish! Nothing wrong with it. I am too, and I will be the first to admit it! We all need a period to develop ourselves. Being a Buppie means you’re evolution in its self.

The thing is you are in a relationship. Key word here is relate! If your girlie boo cannot relate to what you are trying to do, there is a problem. Is she even bothered by your time away? She one or the other of below:

A. She has done her self development stage or in the midst as you are. (then she should relate) OR

B. She has not hit the spot in her life yet (then she cannot relate).

If she is bothered then you got to keep it real. You cannot not devote time into this relationship to ensure it grows, I am sure she noticed anyway. This was not the right time for you all.

On the other side:
The only way in my eyes for this relationship to prosper is if you all have an understanding that this separate growth is leading to a stronger "WE". Is everything you are working on going to strengthen the relationship? For example, you are working 60 hours for many reasons. Is one of the reasons/ motivators/ fruits of your labor the thought that your hard work now will give you more money to be more secure in the future with hopes of being a breadwinner in a relationship or be more comfortable in your career to devote time to a relationship? Or looking sexy for your girl is some of the reason you are working out so much? If you can not draw out of everything you are doing today some relationship of that development to your relationship, then there is a problem. If she is not a factor today, then she will not be a factor tomorrow! You feel me?

If you find that she is a factor, and she is able to relate to your development, then here is what I want you to do:

Find one activity that is for your self development and hers. You say you are into Entrepreneurship. Well business requires reading! Won’t you and your girlie boo read a book together? Meet up and discuss your ideas. Or if you are going to the gym a lot, one or twice a month why you all don’t take an exercise class together? Trust me she will love it because she is spending time with you and growing with you.

P.S Let’s analyze this 50cent quote again:

50 Cent once said,” you hustlin backwards if you chasin a chick...stupid, chase paper they come with the sh*t."

If she wasn’t chasing you broke, but chases you when you got paper, is she chasing you or the paper?

~*~ The District’s Buppie P.O.V~*~

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