Wednesday, February 20, 2008

It's Hard Out There For a (female) Buppie

Recently a fellow buppie (who we shall call JC) and I were having a conversation about the pros and cons of being a young buppie (black urban professional) trying to maintain relationships and just dating in general. During the coarse of the conversation, JC made the following statement "I feel sorry for you females". The natural Barbra Walters in me wanted to know more, so I asked him to further explain.

JC went on to state that, he feels sorry for young black college educated professional women BECAUSE we are extra picky and our options are already limited. So before I got all offended I was like 'WHY?' 'WHAT CHU MEAN?' were his main points

Point A. If the guy is not a college graduate, then he automatically loses points and is basically out of the picture. So that's about 70% of the black male population that's of the running. JC claims that the only way a female buppie will date a guy that didn't go to college is if, A) She knew him from the 'old neighborhood' or B) He's doing well financially.

But seriously, is it so wrong that we want a college educated black man? I mean just like men tend to want the beauty AND the brains or a lady in the streets and a freak in the bed ..can't we want a man with a college diploma? I mean come on, is a BA/BS really that much to ask for as a basic requirement? Our standards have to start somewhere Gat Dammit! LOL.

Point B. Female buppies out number Male buppies. So the competition is fierce. So of that 30% Females buppies have to choose from, there are 3 different types of Male buppies.

12% Mr. Selfish / The Occasional Cheater The one that is in a relationship but wants to 'have his cake and eat it too'. Now Mr. Selfish doesn't REALLY want to be in a relationship but he's been messing with shorty for a while so he figures why not? I'm not getting any younger? shorty's not so bad and she's all about ME! After all, he can still do him on the side.

10% Mr. Bachelor / The Play Boy This is the one who is pretty much content with the Bachelor life and has no major interest in settling down into a relationship any time soon. He dates different females here and there but never gets too serious. One thing about this guy, he's honest, well for the most part. He basically lets the female know upfront he occasionally 'dates' others and he's not really looking to settle down any time soon. His main excuse usually is that he's too focused on his career and doesn't really have time to make such a commitment.

8% Mr. Right? / The Good Guy The guy who actually WANTS to be in a relationship. The one that has shis sh*t together and is READY to settle down in a relationship. Now many of these men are like good parking spaces, TAKEN! (corny I know, but u get the point). Sometimes he might be taken by a female that does NOT know how to appreciate him, but this brotha is in it for the long hall and he's willing to stick with female until she dumps him or he has an epiphany realizes he deserves better. The ones that are single, sometimes females are not that into them and think of them as "too nice" or "too soft" or "moving too fast" or the "sex is wack"...the excuses go on. This is how females end up missing out on Mr. Right, too picky!

Now I have to admit, though I might not agree with EVERYTHING JC said, he DID make a few good points.

It had me thinking, are female Buppies really too picky? If so, is that really such a bad thing?

Why does it seem like some guys are just NEVER satisfied? Is it because they just have too many options? Don't wanna miss out on anything?

Let the debate begin!


Trey said...

I have to agree with Ms. Buppie. There is definitely a lack of Black (straight) college educated men. We need to step it up, but with the jail and crime statistics, the odds are NOT in our favor.

However, you can’t talk about the men without shedding a little light on the ladies. There are four different types of girls in college.
1. Geek squad goons
2. Groupie ho's (for athletes, celebs, & greeks) & gold diggers
3. The die hard, independent, strong sistas who are too busy/career-focused for a man
4. The well-rounded good girl (this species is hella rare)

Anonymous said...

5. The hood rats who somehow got into college and date the townies.

LoverTurnedPlayer said...

I love how the tables turn on the women who used to play the nice guys back in the day....
See what had happened was...
We used to chase you guys, we wanted to fall in love with you, we wanted to be your mr. right.
We hung out in your dorm rooms, brought you the corny gifts and flowers on valentine's day...
We wrote you poems...
We offered to take you out on dates and we were rejected...
we gave up our virginity to you!
(its supposed to be wack its the FIRST TIME!)
so then right, we began to pack up all that nice guy guy stuff, slid over onto the next occasional cheater category, because we became weary, weary of you. Even though deep down we want to be in love with you, we have to be careful, careful that you aren't trying to play us.
First we do it out of fear... but then we notice that we recieve praise from our peers for the naughty things that we do...
Then it becomes fun!
It becomes a game....
Then we become exposed to the bachelor/party/ vida loca more and more and we become desensitized.
We become the guys you hate to love.
We gain our confidence from an array of different resources, we get our nice car, our good job, and wow... all of a sudden we notice that we dont have to chase anymore, actually we haven't chased ANYONE in a long time.
The tables have turned!!!!
Look whose climbing all over each other for our attention now?


The District's Buppie said...

It is very hard out here for female buppie. This sums up my dating life.

The roles certainly are in reverse because men with these basic standards are so rare. Which leads to women having to pursue instead of being in pursued. Exactly the reason why men no longer court women? (For what, they chase me?? right, men?)

The basic rules of Supply and Demand come into play. Demand is high, supply is low. Buppie men are the definition of scarcity. They truly have the power. Pu$$y no longer has the effects it used to. Pu$$Y comes easily for buppie men.

Times are hard..its almost unbearable for a buppie woman!!! It the age of the Great Depression out here!!!

Anonymous said...

Lmao... @ Depression... and the hood rats... I wonder about those scallywags myself.

But I find the problem being lack of people with common sense, that is the real issue at hand. Thats another thread though.

No one actually knows what they are looking for. When they find it, they often realize it too late. You play a dude, he gets over it and will never let it happen again. He plays the field, and happily takes advantage of the good buppie women. The women then hate him and don't want a bup male, but end up meeting more playa bup men. At the end of it all, they all hate eachother, and settle. The end. Lmao

I guess the end goal of this twisted relationship cycle, is not to settle, but not be overly selective. If you find someone good, try to make it work, but if you can't move on. Life is too short to be miserable with some fool u don't like.

Get Money Get Money

Anonymous said...

It is hard if you are determined only to date/marry a black man. I think we can't be afraid of what the brothers will say if we date outside the box. They don't care what we think when mister college educated brother is dating a white woman with or without a degree.

Up&Coming Buppie said...

I am feeling the previous comment. I am not necessarily looking for a good Black man, I am just looking for a good man PERIOD! Granted it would be nice if he were Black, however, I am seeing more and more of my buppie friends happily settling down with men who are not Black and they are HAPPY! I do agree with many of the points brought up by Ms. Buppie and her male source. Also I think that the District's Buppie comment on Supply and Demand is a very valid one.

I think when the time comes for 2 people to be happy with one another it will be natural and all these rules and stats hopefully will not matter. Maybe that's just my hopeless romantic coming out. Or just a positive attitude cuz I do NOT want to be 35 and single.

Anonymous said...

I (str8, male buppie finishing a master's degree) too am disillusioned like loverturnedplayer, however I haven't crossed over to the temptation to cheating on people. I must add though, some female buppies often have an unrealistic wish list of qualities they want in a male buppie, but often are unwilling to compromise on the criteria, shooting themselves in the foot in the process.

Double said...

I was speaking about a similar subject the other day and came up with about the same reasons and stats.


There is nothing wrong with wanting someone with credentials, but there are some people who have or will make it without them, If you cant recognize that and support them, you probably will both lose out on something great. (Probably because your support would have helped that person to be successful.)

I think that the rest of the buppie men can fall into those other categories because of consequence(or psychological issues) .

-Some one did them dirty

-They were brought up a certain way(single parent, army child, etc.)

-No positive relationships in their history(divorce, violence, etc.)

the list probably goes on,

The question is do buppie females know how to attract and deal with these people. Not every stone is flat, some have jagged edges. How can you smooth those out. On the other hand the buppie male, must also be open to you. I think anyone can be in a relationship, but its all about a working relationship. If you are compatible, then it may be successful, maybe the slew of female buppies are not compatible to the tiny amount of buppie men. That could be the problem, maybe we need to have a conference or something to align our goals...

im out
ps( this comment box is small man)

I think we also need a entry about the buppie males trouble with finding a buppie female. I think this goes both ways.

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