So a guy who I have been dating off and on over 3 years hit me up today and made me realize how much the relationship was really in need of closure. It is so crazy how you can have chemistry with a person and that particular person is still not for you. We have a lot of love for one another, shared a great deal of good times, had a number of screaming matches and fall outs but at the end of the day he comes back to patch things up with me. However, our last fallout struck a different cord. The bell finally went off in my head and I seriously asked myself, "Self, why are you doing this? This is never going to be what you want it to be!"
So this just made me wonder what is it with these hit or miss relationships. (Well more so miss relationships cuz this one was defintely a miss.) Why is it that some people have such staying power in your life yet and still when it comes down to a serious relationship with the person it never works. We laugh together, vent to one another, enjoy one another's company but there are just personality flaws on both sides that neither of us can get past. So you would think we would let it go but nooooo that is not how it works. We continue to be gluttons for punishment, he gets pissed at me or I get pissed at him and we fall out. Only to go on another 2-6 month hiatus of not speaking until one day he calls my phone and I answer.
All this being said why is it so hard to just let it be. I'm not in love with the dude although I do care for him very deeply. We have had a 3 year homie, lover, friend relationship. I am always the one to break it off however, he always comes back and I always let him in! Deep down I think more than anything I am afraid of losing a friend. However, I know that our relationship will never be simply a friendship therefore I need to let it go and just not answer that call or text next time he attempts to re-enter my life.
The life and times of this bup (sigh).....
Hey, things could be a LOT worse!