I think many men often mistake a woman being congenial as them being interested. I am a mannerable person so when I meet someone I smile, give a firm handshake (which oddly I am often commended on lol), and engage people in friendly conversation. Whether I know you or not I treat you as a friend until you do something to make me feel uncomfortable or piss me OFF! This is how I was raised. No matter what a person looks like or how they may come off initially they are worth that respect. Now recently I have discovered that CERTAIN men feel like because you engage them in conversation that you are interested in them.
THIS IS NOT TRUE!
I know from my male friends that they often have this same problem with women. Just because I engage your ass in conversation does not mean I am interested in YOU! I smile and greet human beings all day with courtesy and respect. Please do not mistake that as flirting. I am a networker as well as a social person so quite often I will genuinely ask questions when I meet people and have a decent conversation. Now fellas, if you decide during this convo that you are interested and express this PLEASE don't be mad if I tell you that was not my intent. If that is all you wanted for real I will understand if you no longer want to carry on a conversation with me! Cool, catch ya on the flipside. However I have noticed that men seem to stick around and give you a mean undertone after this.
1) A male bup was telling me that he was making conversation with a woman in a DC lounge and after finding out some things about her professionally he asked for her number. She quickly responded "Oh no I have a boyfriend." He said in his head he was thinking, "Bitch I don't care I was going to pass your resume on to my friend!" He was so turned off by her quick response though he just laughed in her face and walked away. See this is why I am always nice. You never know a person's intent. I often give out my number because I do contractual work in my profession. Now I'd appreciate if it were not abused if it is given to you under the pretense of BUSINESS! If I give my number to someone who I have not flirted with in the least and they call trying to holla it really bothers me. Be straight up about your intentions.
2) Now I am willing to admit my faults in these situations. It sometimes is hard for me to tell a nice gentleman that I am just not interested in him. SO I may throw clues such as "I do not give my number out in bars." or "Actually I have a boyfriend." This is after you have made it clear that you are trying to holla! But my attitude will not change. I will not become mean or short. However, if I feel you do not get the point I will reiterate or politely excuse myself. This is part of the reason I am hesitant about excepting drinks in bars. I feel like some men think this is a way to buy your company for the evening. However, I will take a drink acknowledged the sender thank them and go about my business.
3) Now this is where it gets difficult. I have noticed that some men who are casual acquaintances feel like if they take their interest in you to a different level and you aint on that level then you are leading them on. Just because I say we can do lunch does not mean I am interested. I planned on payin my own check! HELL, I thought we were cool. You talk to me about other women! I have never expressed any interest in you. We just know each other and occasionally talk like two social human beings. And even when you did express your interest it was never reciprocated but I am still going to be nice! However, if I feel you do not get the point I will cut you off!
Men, am I completely off base with this? If I am please let me know! I am nice to people in general, maybe too nice. In my head I can think wow this guy is not at all my type to date but you are still cool! And guys I am interested in KNOW it! I am very direct when I am genuinely interested in a man so I feel like the difference in temperament is clear.
Here's a funny anecdote to close out this entry:
So I was at a Sports Bar alone a few weeks ago to watch some football. ( I am a huge NFL fan and sometimes I just like to go watch games with other people who appreciate it as much as I do. And also I do not have cable because I am not at home enough to watch it.) So I go to a place up the street get a beer and begin to chat with some of the bar regulars. So this woman who was a LOUD Cowboys fan was cuttin up the whole time in the bar. So EVERYONE was laughing at her but I noticed she began to talk to me more. I figured it was because we were both women surrounded by men. This was until she straight out asked me if I was into women. I was appalled that this lady thought I was flirting with her but kindly told her I was not wired that way and she had clearly gotten the wrong idea. This woman is a regular at the bar so all the guys knew what was coming the whole time so they just wanted to see my reaction. But this bitch was PERSISTENT! The guys were like, "Leave her alone she said she don't get down like that!" as they laughed! After the woman left the guys told me "You can come back she's not here that often. LOL" Talk about being embarrassed and being too nice!!! *Shakin my damn head.*