Saturday, October 25, 2008

Things Fall Apart

Having one of those, Non-BF and GFs, but are dating exclusively relationship, still has an ending similar to a relationship break up.

After a few months in "Booship", the relationship dwindled and we went our separate ways.
When things were good between us, it was excellent. He seemed capable. Ambitious, Open, upwardly mobile. We both had a similar sense of humor. We became attached. It was quick, but occurred just naturally.

As the woman in the relationship, felt I had grown so much. All the childish relationship things that occurred in the past, were not going to happen here. I was a woman for him. I enjoyed spoiling him. I enjoyed giving. Cooking for him. Spending time with him. Supporting him in all his endeavors. I had grown so much with him. I thank him for allowing me that opportunity.

And he a GREAT Man. Treated me CORRECT. He never disrespected me ever! He took me out, he spent endless time with me. He cooked for me, and even taught me a few things in the kitchen. We had similar interests, but he took the time to teach me more about his interests.

We enjoyed each other a lot. Things were great. I was happy and he too.

Of course as a woman, I questioned our booship constantly in my head. Why? I was enjoying him very much, and I wanted to make sure we were working towards a relationship. Even though, quite frankly I was putting in relationship type effort.

We had some discussions , and he told be point blank I was not wasting my time. Cool. Nice to know. Things continued.
Then one day we were chatting about commitment. Now, I will say I have my tiffs with commitment. He did too. He was reluctant. It was not something he really was interested in.

I agreed. Went back is reexamined my position. Should I be acting like a girlfriend, and putting boyfriend like expectations on him, If in fact that is not what we agreed to do?

The reality is, WE WERE not BOYFRIEND and GIRLFRIEND. We were not. we were not. So no, I was wrong for doing that to him. To making him feel that he had too act a certain way. I was wrong for expecting him to do Boyfriend like things! I realized I was playing wifey, to someone who was not interested in a wife.

So I began to Operation Fall Back. I reduced the pressure he had to spend with me all around. He had to handle a lot of other life issues, and I did not want add to it. At the same time, it became kind of weird, forced even. Our relationship drastically changed. We stopped communicating more and more. I filled my time trying to stay busy to avoid really noticing what was going on.

Anyway, we have the conversation, which I knew was coming. Throughout the past week, I was racking my brain, cus i honestly missed how things were. However, I did not know if I really wanted to fight for it if he was not interested. As I reflect, I feel I saw his lack of interest develop about the same time I decided to fall back. He would no longer commit to partner based events. Perhaps his way of setting me straight on my role.

He explained to me he saw things change. I explained to him, that I felt I needed to fall back, because of the direction we were heading in. He explained to me, that he also felt the need to fall back because he had so much going on in his life. True. Maybe he became bored. We did reach that 3 month mark!

The relationship dwindled to a point of no return. He was dealing with alot in his life. Trying to figure out his next career move. He felt unsettled, and because of that he felt he could not dedicate time to the booship. There you have it. Its over.

While it is true he needed the time, in these situations, where you cannot follow-up question, you begin to have doubts about the true reason.

Yes he was busy. BUT maybe He was also bored? Maybe there was another interesting woman...

The point is , I will never know. So why even let my mind wonder to what ifs? So I suck it up. Appreciate the Good times, and Keep it moving...right?


The Tenant said...

How many Oprah shows/relationship books/best friends do you need to tell you that men don't like pressure? If everything is going well, SHUT YOUR DAMN MOUTH (except if it's, be REALLY nice to him lol)

Anonymous said...

If she shut her mouth or not, she was gonna get played. Either way because if a guy don't want to be in a relationship then there is no relationship. I'm sure it was out of convenience and you were probably way too available. All that time and effort sometimes you have to just say NO b/c as his wifey he shouldnt be getting GF priviledges....

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