Like a Virgin

Dear Buppie--

I have been seeing this guy for a few months and we are really feeling each other. We are both attractive, young professionals with advanced degrees and making serious dough. There is only one thing that sets us apart: his appetite for sex. I want to wait. Based on experience, sex too soon has ruined relationships for me and I want this to last. He has a "butt buddy" from college who I have met and because I do not view her as a threat, I am okay if he sees her on occassions to satisfy his physical needs. Is this healthy? I am pretty certian that I am giving him everything else that he needs minus the physical. Please help me sort this out. Thanks in advance!

Like a Virgin

LAV,

You treadin on pretty thin ice with this one. I think we as women, and hell even men for that matter, under estimate the power of sex. Like let's look at it like this yes you all may really be connecting but what if he is really connecting with this person on a sexual level. If someone you are feeling is having sex with someone else, in my opinion she is a threat. I don't care if you know her, think she is cool, and even if you know their history. Do you know the whole story about their relationship? Even if she isn't a "threat" to you for reasons you are thinking of she can be a threat to you in a lot of other ways that you may not have thought about. She is giving him something he needs that you are not giving him. He depends on her for something that you are not willing to give. She is fulfilling him in a way that you are not willing to.

Personally, I do not think your stance on not having sex is wrong. If that's what you want to do right now by all means stay in your stance. However, if you and this person plan to really get serious he needs to wait on you. He should care about you that much to curve his sexual appetite because all he wants to do is get close to YOU. He has no interest in sleeping with anyone else because HE JUST WANTS YOU! If you truly think this guy is special and want it to last it is a little absurd to me as to why him still seeing someone else sexually is acceptable to you just because you do not want to do it. Now if you all are still in the early getting to know each other stage of the relationship a man may go and see an old fling. But if yall are seriously interested in one another and you truly want this to last you need to re-evaluate the situation and discuss how you two want to proceed with him.

I mean if you are cool with it hey, what can I say? But I honestly don't think it is setting the framework for a healthy relationship in the long run.