Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Enough Is ENOUGH!

When you truly love someone when is enough, ENOUGH?! This has been an issue with many of my friends lately and, honestly, with myself as well. When you have truly had your heart broken, not your pride by getting played or anything like that but you are heart broken, how do you know when to just walk away, say fuck it and chalk it up for experience or to work hard and try to make the love in your life work. This seems much easier for someone to evaluate when they are on the outside looking into a situation. I find myself honestly telling my friends, man leave him alone why are you still dealing with the same thing you have dealt with for 3, 4, and sometimes 5 years. We are too young for that! But when you invest time and emotion in someone for so long I find that it is extremely difficult to give up on it and move on.

Some of my closest friends and I were discussing this and it has dawned on me that many people that have this dilemma are not even in love with a person anymore. They are in love with the "idea" of being in love with that person. So when there is nothing at all good left to pull out of that situation and nothing is changing why stay? Even when you do see changes how do you know if they are temporary or permanent? A friend of mine gave some answers that have helped me with my personal situation and I felt were valuable to pass on....

1) TRUST!- When trust has been violated in a relationship it is hard to restore but not impossible. Often it seems that you have to really look deep and evaluate if you can trust a man again. But the important thing is not to have bitter black bitch syndrome. If you are going to forgive him you MUST DO THAT! Whether he cheated, lied, or hurt you deeply in some other way if you are going to give him another chance you must let it go! And if you can't let it go you must let him go.

2) Do you honestly have anything left to give? When you are so exhausted with dealing with someone even if you are in love with them sometimes you have to ask yourself this question. A close friend of mine was, and probably still is, in love with someone that is not good for them. It is often a challenge to just say to yourself there is nothing else I can do with this situation even though I have invested MADD time in it. So let me cut it off now to prevent any further heartache.

3)Does this person need to be CUT OUT OF YOUR LIFE! Like seriously! I have learned the hard way that when you break up with someone often you can not be friends. This can be difficult if the breakup was amicable but at times it is needed. I have first hand experience dealing with this drama. I had to stop being so dependent on my former significant other so I could GET OVER HIM! It is still a work in progress....

This was all very helpful when shared with me but still it is difficult when you honestly love someone to let them GO! So now the decision must be made. Should you stay and FIGHT to make your love work? I mean if you are truly successful in your fight you have built a solid relationship....right? Aren't trials the true test of a relationship anyway? Or has this one just simply run its course?

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