Thursday, September 11, 2008

I Thought We Had An Understanding?!!

So I was talking to a friend about his relationship with a woman he was seeing and he explained to me that he had to end it. He said that she started asking about when they were going to be together, officially. He was perplexed by this and exclaimed "I told her I didn't want to be with anyone! I thought we had an understanding." I know this guy so I know he probably treated this woman really well even though he didn't want to be with her.

I explained the situation to my best friend and she was saying there were certain things men do and say which are misinterpreted by women. (At times men go through the same emotional misunderstandings but I believe it happens more with women because we are just more emotional beings.) A man may treat you a certain way and you may think that you are the leading lady, however, he is on a completely different page on how the relationship is defined. After all he did tell you "I'm really not trying to be in a relationship." But fellas when you say this ask yourself a few of these questions....

Do you hold her at night after you have sex?

Do you take her out?

Do you kiss her sometimes just to be affectionate?

Do you kiss her hello and goodbye?

Do you question her about what she does?

If you do any of these things this is what a LOT of women may think: We are working towards something. He likes me and enjoys having me around. We are in a RELATIONSHIP! He says he doesn't want a relationship right now but I think he will want one with me in time."

I mean can you honestly blame this woman for thinking this? You say one thing but you do something completely different. When men and woman have a casual relationship they usually both keep it casual and understand that there are certain things that you don't do, say or ask about. So after getting another woman's point of view I explained to my friend that he may have been a bit misleading with this woman. He understood but stood by the fact that even though he is not interested in being in a relationship he is still going to treat any woman that he deals with with the utmost respect. And I honestly could not argue with that.

Any thoughts.....


Soul Status said...

Gentleman's perspective...

Time. If you don't want to be in a relationship, then you must limit the Time you spend with a woman. If your actions treat her like the number 1, and you're thinking number 2, take a wild guess at which one prevails? Actions speak louder than words. Simply put, do what you need/want to do, and keep it moving. The respect can still be present, the amount of time should be limited.

2. Can't be with a woman, give her that "significant-other" type of respect, and not call a spade a spade. Whether you like it or not, you are giving mixed signals. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that an absolute respect shouldn't be present; but you are easily setting up an equation that you aren't on the same page with ESPECIALLY IF YOU ADD TIME!!!!!

Sex + Respect = Partners

Now if you take out the Sex variable and throw in Time...

Time + Respect = Significant Others

NOW if you throw in Time again along with Sex....

Sex + Time + Respect = Relationship

Get my drift?
I say he just bite the bullet and see what a relationship with her would be like. If she commands that much respect from you, chances are she has some type of potential to be the one.

OR maybe i'm just out of control with mines lol....

Eh, Just my thoughts...


D said...

More thoughts on the matter...

I have to agree, actions always speak louder than words. As another young man, I know that we try to alleviate ourselves of all responsibility by pretending to be honest with whom we are dealing. The reality is that we deceive first ourselves and then others when we exploit the wants and desires of our counterparts.

Exploitation, you say? Absolutely. It is exploitation to build an expectation and then not meet it.

To use another analogy, it's as if the coach trains the player to be the starting quarterback, ensures that the player gets many endorsements, and markets the player on EPSN radio. Then, right before the opening game of the season, the coach tells the player that he is the backup, not the starter.

It is of course, not the fairest thing in the world to do.

(That also suggests that the player knowingly labors under a false pretense, which is another matter.)

FocusedFemaleGem said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
FocusedFemaleGem said...

Men want their cake and to eat it too.

Women allow that in hopes that the man would come around.

The man would not come around if you are giving him everything. (Many women do this which is why men wont come around to being loyal to one girl)

Ladies need to know when to say no.

I had a guy tell me he didn't want to be in a relationship. I said ok....Well don't call me because im looking for a relationship. He still calls and I still say the same thing. Not only do I say it. I ACT on it.

No, im not coming to your place. Yes we can hang out. No vagina playa. I'll make sure to pay for my half. No you do not get a good night kiss after we go out. You get a lovely hug tho

No we are not dating (that's what you said, remember). I am allowed to go on dates with other people. If you ask, I'll tell you. Cuz you've just been FRIEND ZONED. :-)

your bad...

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