Holiday Blues

This Holiday has been kind of an downer. Tomorrow is Christmas and while I'm never excited about the gifts, I am almost always looking forward to the quality family time.

This year will be different.

For one my parents have officially retired and at the behest of some of white America, they have moved back to Africa.

Very happy for them. However, they have left there SINGLE baby girl behind. So as much as I dearly love my siblings, I sometimes feel like such a 3rd wheel. Why? Because they have their own families or boos to bring with them.

This year, with my sister going to her in laws, my one brother is traveling. Leaving me to be 3rd wheel to my other brother and his wife. Luckily they ain't going no where, otherwise I would REALLY not have a Christmas.

Yes, join my pity party. :/ Bah Humbug.

Is A Masters the Answer?

Decision time is approaching at a rapid pace here in Korea. To stay or not to stay? I have been exploring quite a few options back in the states and abroad. Recently I have been looking at a lot of positions back home. Many that require a masters degree. Now I have a bachelors in fine arts. The degree that I chose to attain is very much what you make it. Being an artist forces you to be creative at all times and to really sell yourself. However, the positions in my field are split pretty much 50/50 when it comes to the level of degree you need. But of course the desired pay I would like requires that I have a MFA or even a PhD behind my name.

Okay so here is my issue. I am on the study grind to pay off my student loans. I am on track with them being completely paid off by the time I turn 30. This is very important to me. I don't believe in having to pay for school my entire life. As a matter of fact I believe that everyone should fill out a questionaire before college. It should have some realistic figures as to how much you will get paid with your degree. Then you should write a realistic income level that you hope to reach based on those figures. And THEN once you reach that desired income THAT IS WHEN you began paying off student loans! Of course this is unrealistic but in my imagination it sounds grand!

Therefore I am very hesitant about going back to school. I know it would be an asset in my career but it would not be an asset for my financial goals. The only way I would seriously consider it is if a company was paying for it or I got an awesome scholarship opportunity. (I am currently investigating any program that offers significant assistance with grad school funding.)

A lot of bups I know are taking the higher education road. However, I think it is very possible that I can attain the level of success I want without it. I just have to work a LOT harder to attain it.

I know this varies with different fields but I am just curious. Bups as far as education is concerned what did you feel was best for you personally? What made you seek the level of education that you attained or are currently trying to attain? Is a Masters or a Doctorate essential?

GO GET TESTED

World AIDS Day!

Go Get Tested.

We all know we should get tested. It is my hope we are all having safe sex. I am having the SAFIEST SEX! Cus I am claiming Celibacy right now! But no matter if you using a jimmy hat or not, the WORST part to an HIV test is the WAIT for the Results.

Time and time again, you use protection. You "trust" your partners. You may even trade AIDS/HIV results before you boogie. You do everything right. But then you hear ish like 1 out of 2 people in your city got AIDS. You start thinking of What if scenarios. What if you was that one person to use a condom, and catch it? You start thinking every partner burned you. You want to sue Trojan for false advertisement. Your stomach gets all flappy. You get depressed. If someone says the wrong word to you, you could break out in tears.


Then you get to praying.

"Dear God. Please let me be negative. I know I shouldn't being having Sex. I know I was wrong. If you make me negative, I will never have sex again."

We say this prayer, hear our Negative results. And get right back to EFFinng.


Shakes my Head.

In 2010, is it still important to support Black businesses?

Several times in life you will be called upon to answer blanket general questions for your entire race. Questions like, why is it OK for Black people to call one another the “n” word, but not white people? The answer is pretty much the same for every Black person, “It just is.” For the record, don’t ever ask me how I feel about that word, you just won’t get a straight answer out of me. And it just so happens I tend to piss more Black people off than white. However, in year of Obama, two-thousand and nine, it’s time that we start revisiting some of these questions and start updating our answers. The subject of supporting Black businesses has been around for just about as long as there have been free Black people in America.

In order to build a nation, the nation must produce a commodity worth trading. It’s essential in proving one’s worth to the other nations, and important in sustaining a nation, because it is impossible to produce everything for one’s self. This is why it’s important that Black businesses exist; they create products that help Blacks exchange commodities with other races to create “civilization.” However, has our decision to support Black business sometimes come at the sacrifice of the common decision factors we use when deciding what to purchase? Cost, quality and innovation are my main decision factors. Is it a crime to say that my main decision factors do not include race?

The predisposed notion that I must support Black businesses makes fundamentally no sense and sounds like some type of quota system that I want no parts of. And also, take for example, if I’m Jewish, and so I only do my grocery shopping at a Jewish grocery store. The reason why I’m there is really two-fold, 1) because it’s someone I feel comfortable doing business with, and 2) because they offer the foods that I can’t find elsewhere. The harsh reality for me is that I don’t feel that by supporting Black business they offer products that I can’t find elsewhere. And I’m not always comfortable with doing business on the basis of color because people have a tendency to lean on that relationship.

I have two more examples that I’m going to lay out on the table for this conversation. The Black owned Soul Food spot and Carol’s Daughter.

The Soul Food spot around my way is the spot where you can get your fried chicken, collard greens, and candied yams that we all grew up on. My issue with this place is, the service is horrible and the cost is sky high. I get my meal on a plastic plate, a quarter of piece of dark meat, one spoon each of greens and yams, and the total cost is $12. Meanwhile, just a short distance down the block is the carryout where I can get basically the same food, larger portions, quicker service and the total cost is $7. Because I know that both of these places have knowledge that the other exists, the only reason why the Soul Food spot keeps its prices that high is because they lean on the strength of Black support. I do not tolerate the argument that they have higher costs because if that was the case they could simply find out where the carryout was shopping for their food and supplies. In this case, I rebuke all that say I should support the Soul Food spot “off the strength.”

Carol’s Daughter is a line of beauty products that appeal to everyone not just one race of people. You can find them in malls and you can also order online. They compete with stores like, Bath & Body Works, and Bed, Bath and Beyond. Here’s the thing about Carol’s Daughter, their products are better quality, the service is superb, and although the cost is a bit more, they sustain that cost by producing a superior product. In this case, I never buy beauty products from anywhere else but Carol’s Daughter. The consolation prize, oh yeah, I’m actually supporting a Black business.

I hope I was able to shed some light on an issue that bugs me. I do not have a problem supporting Black business, but I also don’t have a problem supporting white business either. I’d like to take race off of commerce, because my money is green, not Black or white. I realize that there is a need to sustain a Black economy, and overall I believe we do a good job of that. However, the predisposed notion that I purchase Black owned goods regardless of cost, quality or innovation is absurd. I can’t do it, and won’t do it.

While, I’m here talking about food. I just want to give a shoutout to Catfish Fridays in DC. My dude, Chris runs a great business over there and people should try and support as much as possible.

Happy Thanksgiving everybody! Dr. J is slowly coming back to the BlogWorld.

As always follow me, @DrJayJack – I appreciate your comments here, but I’d love to follow some of you and get good conversation more frequently.

There Goes the Neigboorhood.

I live on this gentrified block in DC. You know the block that if you go East, West, North, South.. shyt might just pop off. But this is to be expected, when we move our buppie and yuppie butts in a "up & coming" neighborhood to be able to afford the convenience of saying "we live in the city".

The most that has ever happened to me are my car windows got busted. Oh I lie. I got robbed too. But hey, I consider it a fact that you aint no real DC resident until you got your windows busted. So toast to me, it has happened twice.

I find it amusing how some other folks, ahem usually white yuppies, are surprised about the shyt that pop offs.

OMG, they are selling drugs! OMG there is a crackhead! OMG! OMG!!

HELLO!?! We all moved into the Hood Willingly! #wheretheydothatat!!!

All we can do is protect ourselves and employ common sense. Right? Mmhm Common sense is not common. Check this out:

A random neighbor wrote this :

"Yesterday at about 8:00 p.m. as I parked near Y Street about 20 black men were walking down the street in two large groups. They were coming from the intersection of X Street and 71 st. One of them attempted to initiate conversation as I got out of my car (from across the street). Needless to say, they were intimidating. Not sure who there were… I certainly didn’t want to assume negative thoughts, but could help to wonder if they were a gang."

OMG! 20 black people walking on the street at 8pm! There goes the neighborhood. Yea right. This person needs to get real. You moved into a predominately black neighborhood. This particular persons common sense said to him or her "Group of black people walking in the street= Gang". Some places this could be true. Is this person a racist?

A response written to this admission of intimidation:
"The post seems to be a partial admission of internalized racism, but I can't tell if the writer is struggling to overcome it or seeking validation from the group for holding these feelings."

What you do you think? Racism? DC Bup needs to move? What?

Buppie Must: Manage Your Money

I am always looking for ways to manage my money. I mean, maintaining my lifestyle and reaching a financial goals are important to me. Wanted to share an avenue in which I get a lot of my tips.
I use 7/10 of these services. Buppie Must Do!

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Ten Financial Companies to Watch from Finovate 2009

from Money Under 30 by David Weliver

I’m blogging live today from Finovate in New York, a one-day conference featuring the best new financial and banking technology innovations from leading established companies and the hottest young startups. I just finished listening to 31—that’s right, 31—presentations. Let me assure you, there’s a lot of exciting stuff happening behind-the-scenes of your bank account. There are also a lot of finovations that you can (or will soon be able to) interact with directly. Here are some of my “first impression” favorites. Enjoy!

1. SmartyPig: Goal-Based Saving

SmartyPig is the place to save for specific goals. Launched at Finovate 2008, SmartyPig has collected over a half billion dollars in deposits without spending a dollar in advertising. SmartyPig features a competitive interest rate on your savings, widgets to encourage friends and families to contribute to your saving goals, and the ability to receive up to a 6% “boost” on your savings when you withdraw money via a retail gift card (for example, if you were saving for a specific item). SmartyPig also announced today the ability to link Twitter and Facebook accounts to your SmartyPig account so they automatically send an update whenever you contribute money to your savings goals.

2. MShift: Deposit Checks with Your Cell Phone

MShift is a leading provider of mobile banking solutions to financial institutions nationwide. MShift already lets banking customers check their account balances and pay bills from most mobile phones (not just iPhones). Today, MShift demoed how users can deposit a check with a mobile phone simply by taking a photograph and texting the image to the bank. To use MShift, you’ll have to wait until your bank or credit union adopts their technology.

3. Home Account: Making Getting a Mortgage Easier

For every ten mortgage applications in the U.S., only four close. Home Account can help the forty percent of Americans ready to buy a home find the guaranteed lowest cost mortgage and help the 60% of home buyers who can’t yet qualify for a mortgage take specific steps (like paying off debt, improving credit scores, or putting more down) to become qualified. Users pay either a one-time fee of $49.95 or $10 a month.

4. Tile Financial: Connecting Advisers with Young Investors

In the next 10 to 15 years, young generations will inherent over $1 trillion. Problem is, young people aren’t identifying with today’s financial advisers and institutions. Consequently, 90% of the time money changes hands, it also changes banks or brokerages. Tile Financial aims to help banks and financial institutions connect with younger investors, especially those ages 15-25.

Through participating banks, Tile provides an online personal finance management tool that allows users to see their money in three distinct “spheres”: Spend, Grow, and Give. As users view each sphere, Tile pushes content—but not ads—to help users learn about money.

5. Credit.com: Credit Report Card

Look out CreditKarma, there’s a new “totally free credit score” option out there: Credit.com’s Credit Report Card. The report card lets users see not only range estimates for all of their credit scores, but also a letter grade indicator of their overall credit health.

The report card then breaks down and grades you in the five areas that contribute to your credit health: payment history, debt usage, credit age, account mix, and number of inquiries. The credit report card is totally free for users and counts as a “soft inquiry” so there’s no impact on your credit score for checking.

6. Outright: Free Small Business Accounting

Did you know that 75% of U.S. small businesses are one-person shops? Outright.com is striving to be the free Web-based accounting platform of choice for those 20 million sole proprietors. I’ve written about Outright before and, in fact, I use them myself for my accounting for my own blogging business. They’re everything you need, and nothing you don’t. (If you’re not an accountant and ever tried to use Quickbooks, you’ll know what I mean).

Today Outright unveiled the ability to import expenses form credit cards and bank accounts as well as partnerships with PayPal and eBay. PayPal users can send or receive money directly from Outright, and eBay sellers can use an integrated version of Outright right from eBay. Not for everybody, but if you run a small business full- or part-time (or someday hope to), keep a keen eye on Outright.

7. BancVue: Kasasa—Power to Small Banks

BankVue is a company that will soon give hundreds of small community-based banks and credit unions the power to compete with the largest national banks through a joint product and marketing campaign: Kasasa. Banks that sign onto the Kasasa program will offer interest-bearing free checking, high yield savings, unlimited ATM fee reimbursements, and even monthly rewards like free iTunes credits when you do things that “make the bank’s life easier” like pay bills online or enroll in e-statements. Power to small banks!

8. Kapitall: “Elegantly Smooth” Investing Research

Investors simply must check out Kapitall. This feature-rich, elegantly smooth web-based application does for investing what the iPhone did for cell phones. Kapitall looks a bit advanced for real newbie investors, but should please everyone else. Sign up for the beta version today, and soon you’ll be able to trade within Kaptiall using an integrated TDAmeritrade brokerage account.

9. Mint.com: Budgeting Widget Now on Yahoo!

Online budgeting tool Mint has about 1.6 million users, but they’re hoping to blow that number out of the water now that the Mint budgeting tool is available on Yahoo!. Now, you can check your budget just as easily as you check the weather. Despite the budgeting tool’s recent success and acquisition by Intuit, however, Finovate shows that there should be plenty of formidable competition for Mint in the personal finance manager space.

10. BillShrink: Building a Better Decision Engine

There are a lot of sites out there that give users the ability to compare bank accounts and credit cards, but BillShrink is raising the stakes with a customized deposit search tool that can even show you, for example, how many ATMs a particular bank offers in your region (and how many are free). Shopping for a new credit card? BillShrink lets you see how credit card companies are doing with complying with recently-enacted consumer protection legislation. It’s often hard to say why one comparison site is better than another; BillShrink is certainly trying.

That wraps up my picks for today, but I’ll probably be giving shout-outs to a few more Finovate participants soon. Have experiences with any of these companies or services? Do share!

Your b!tch is Wild

A few weekends ago I had a bit of mixer at the crib. It was a interesting dynamic because between myself and my roommate, we pulled buppies from all types of different crowds. For the most part it was successful except for this one buppie couple. And now I write this ode to them

Your Bitch is Wild.

1. Your bitch is wild if she come to a cookout and don't say hi to anyone.

2. You bitch is wild if she come to a birthday mixer and don't wish the birthday girl happy birthday.

3. You was wild for dragging your bitch here in the first place.

4. You bitch was wild for coming into the condo, and still not speaking to anyone.

5. Your bitch was wild, because even people who aint even know your bitch was like she stank, and she aint even open her mouth.

6. Your bitch is wild, because she took one shot, and was drunk for 5 minutes and told all the girls in the house they had weaves.

7. You bitch is wild for going to look for you when you walked 20 feet away from her.

8. Your bitch was wild for asking how much we pay in rent? Then got mad when we politely chose to say that's not her business.

9. Your bitch was wild for running into my bedroom talking like "sha nay nay" "O my goodness don't wear those shoes."

10. Your bitch is wild for fitten to fight your female co-worker in the club for talking to you.

The bottomline is this, it is a buppie don't: NOT to have social skills. It is a personal buppie don't to be all insecure with your man in front of people. Come on ladies. Keep your confidence issues behind closed doors. It is so not becoming. Please lets stop having "Wild bitch moments." The world will be a better place if you left your crazy bitch at home.

Thanks!

Swine Flu Hysterics

So H1N1 is alive and in FULL EFFECT in South Korea. It is spreading like a California wild forest fire. Seriously! Fellow bups teaching in South Korea have told me how their schools have been closed due to the frenzy of several kids having it. Teachers and principals are getting it. MAN! It is also on Korean news how it is spreading like crazy. Therefore many kids have been coming to the academy which I work at in masks such as these:


Now on any given day it is not uncommon to see Koreans in these masks, especially during the yellow dust season. However, recently the abundance of children coming to school with masks on has been ridiculous. Then a few things made me decide that it was time I got with the program and equipped myself with a mask.

1) The news has reported that in each city per day there are at least 700 possible new cases of swine flu. Now South Korea is VERY small and over populated. Everywhere you go there is a chance there will be a crowd of people in close proximity to one another. Therefore the virus is spreading at a much more rapid pace here. Not to mention Koreans share EVERY damn thing! For instance there is bar soap in PUBLIC bathrooms here. Ummm yeah I don't even have bar soap out for people to use in my home! Strictly liquid soap here. So hundreds of people a day touch this cesspool of germs. I can go on and on about the unsanitary things I see in Korea but I digress....

2) The other day a little bastard at my school thought it would be funny to call me over to his desk for help and then cough in my face ON PURPOSE! I smacked the SHIT out of this child. (It was reflexes. I was reprimanded later by my boss after his mother complained. I honestly aint give a flying F*CK. I bet he won't cough in anyone else's face.) I then went on to have a 15 minute tutorial in each of my classes about hand washing and how to properly cover your mouth. In addition everyone gets a squirt of hand sanitizer upon entry to my class and I Lysol the place down after their dirty asses leave!

3) One of my co-teachers got really sick this week. She aint saying but I think it's definitely the swine!

4) I spoke with my boss today about my concern of the increase of swine flu cases in South Korea, particularly in schools, and she told me that there have been 12 possible cases in our little ass academy. Our academy has approximately 85 students. It has four classrooms and a communal area. And you are telling me that close to 15% of these children may have the GOTDAMN swine flu?! That is MORE than 1 out of every 10 children! And you didn't feel the need to share this shit with me sooner because?.... Am I crazy or is my boss crazy?! Soooo why aren't we closed for quarantine?! That was the final straw. This woman is teaching in a mask!

So today I went to school in a mask. I taught with this mask on. During the second hour of classes my boss asked me if I could remove the mask because the parents think that I am sick. (Koreans believe that swine flu comes from foreigners.) I politely responded that I would not remove my mask. Do they think all these children running around here with masks on are sick? They can protect themselves so why can't I? I told her she can explain to the parents that I am taking precaution because I just found out that there were POSSIBLY 12 cases of swine flu in this academy. I aint taking off SHIT! She looked a bit troubled but knew not to argue with me about this any further because my mind was made up.

I will be teaching with a mask on until I feel people are taking the appropriate precautions to keep their employees from getting sick! I aint trying to be a swine flu statistic!

Oh Match!

This is CaliTransplant... yup a native LA girl trying to make it in the DC world. I will be dropping by to share some of my experiences here in the DMV from time to time. Today my entry is dedicated to DC dating, match.com style.

So I joined match.com within days of my move to DC. I was ready to get the ball rolling immediately. I wanted to cut out all the hoops and circles traditional “sifting thru the b*ll$hit” or “romantic networking/interviewing” involved. Was that desperation? I don't think so, I call it tenacity. Let's be honest, I moved to DC to be surrounded by successful professional black people and I figured the internet would be the quickest way to filter out the potentials.

And what did Match.com yield? Three prototypes that, should you ever consider jumping on the internet dating bandwagon, avoid like the plague!

The Misrepresenter: (yeah I made up the word!) – Yes, he lied! I expected a certain amount of truth stretching considering the forum we met, but STRETCHING THE TRUTH ABOUT HEIGHT is pretty much a NO-NO. He had me anticipating a man 6 feet plus, so I cranked out the “KILL EM GIRL” heels, showed up to the date, and was looking down on Napoleon. (And I am of average height)

New rule, whatever they write on their profile, subtract 2 inches.

The Bore: Physically, a delightful specimen. Intellectually, it was like watching paint peel! BORING AS HELL! This probably could have been avoided had I engaged in more than one telephone conversation with the man. MY BAD!

New rule, have at least two voice conversations, longer than 15 minutes, prior to the date.

The Absconder: This character takes the cake! Still scarred from “The Bore” I made sure to engage him in decent conversation on multiple occasions and determined he was date-worthy. And what happened you ask? He up and left in the middle of the date. Yup. Straight up BOUNCED! AFTER he called to push back the date by 30 minutes TWICE and AFTER rescheduling the date from the previous week because he was "under the weather”. THIS MAN LEFT!

-Scene-

Holding half a glass of chardonnay in my hand, this man stood up, closed the tab, dug in his pocket for a cash tip and then glanced over to me and asked nonchalantly “You done?”

I still had HALF A GLASS OF WINE IN MY HAND – No sir, I am not done! Did I say that? No, rather I held my glass up towards him indicating that the glass was Still HALF FULL, to which he replied “Ready?”

WTF!!!!! READY???!!!!????? What did he mean? In that instant, I was lost. Is he asking me or telling me? Ready for what? Ready to hit up the next spot? If so, with me? Without me? Ready to part ways for the night? What the hell did that damn “ready” mean?!

So in a confused stupor, I respond "…Well let me just chug this wine and I’ll be good…" And then he said - CLINCHER- : "Don't rush..I'm just gonna (inaudible)....excuse myself."

Ahhhhhh! I get it now!

-End Scene-

New rule, "ready" is now defined as - (adv.) IMMA UP AND LEAVE YOU IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DATE.

I know you are wondering, what happened to make him “ready”. Not sure really, but the date wasn’t exactly smooth to begin with. Besides the late start and rainy weather, He was a LOUDTALKER. LOUD AS HELL, to the point where other people kept looking at him CRAZY and I became self-conscious and uncomfortable. Then, facing the possibility of being temporarily deaf in my right ear, I had to tell him, politely, "whoa you are like yelling." (Hmm can that be said politely?) So all of that, in combination with awkward pauses, darting eyes and him sweating in his sports coat, eventually made him "ready."

FYI, I am on a match.com sabbatical, going to do it the old-fashioned way now – circulating and networking – I am sure it will reveal an experience just as colorful. Be on the lookout for an upcoming entry – DC dating – ol skool style.

My Degree Got Me Single

“Black men are more likely to marry outside of their race, and black women are more likely to marry outside of their education."

-Hannah Bruckner, who leads the Center for Research on Inequalities and the Life Course at Yale University, says the disparity can be partly explained by a difference in dating preferences between some black men and women.

Source

Well Damn! and so my rant begins.

This is not a new topic, but this particular quote is a summarization of what many of my single buppie women are dealing with, comprising our values to date a black man. SMH.

Query to black men:

Is it an issue for a black woman to have more education than a black man? Is it possible or even likely that black men are insecure and unable to deal with a woman that has more education? Could it be that our black men are slower to develop professionally than men of other races?

Is it my fault that I excel, and value education? Should I just quit, sit home, and play video games? Is that really what you want?

NO! When black men do date outside their race, the OTHER chick is most likely still just as educated.

Although it may seem that my position is one sided, I am not making assumptions about all black men. However, I have realized for some men, my desire to progress professionally may be an issue. That is perfectly ok because I am just not that kind of mans type. We (black women who prefer to get theirs) should get over this (per Dr.J)and MOVE ON! GUESS what?! Uneducated men are not my type, so I’m MOVING ON!

It seems that decent black men are limited commodities. If you got one, congrats to you boo! But even those decent ones left, got issues. Social awkwardness, emotional deficiencies, overly evasive, etc. Plainly, these limited commodities know that they are in such high demand, that even the UGLY ones have the most courage these days to trying to bag the beautiful Lauren Londons, and Gabby Unions types.

Some of these limited commodities are living in LALA land. Hmph (Rolls Eyes). I had a male buppie tell me that he could not be with a woman making more money then him. GTFOH! Baby, in this world, this is bound to happen! So what we going to do then? Be stuck? Me, barefoot and preggers, because you’re comfortable with your salary? If you are insecure about $$ then F^&K it, I’m not your type.

I realize, that I am not everyone’s cup of tea. I am also not one of those women caught up on the notion of being with a black man. Break out and date outside your race!

In essence, the same discrimination these black men are giving us women, is the same discrimination I am giving them right back. SHEEEEEIT. I can’t do it. You got to want to get better with me babe! Not stifle me or penalize me for my book smarts.

5 Things Buppies Can Learn from “Luppies” (Latino Urban Professionals)

Continuing in my celebration of Latino Heritage Month... Only like 3 days left. So I decided to look at professional America and some things i've noticed. Thanks for reading.

1) Lose your sense of entitlement
One of the things that I admire about my Latino Professionals is they really do not feel a sense of entitlement or feel like they are entitled to anything because they are a minority. This does not mean they do not take advantage of programs to improve diversity or that are targeted at minorities this means that they do not use it as a crutch. They understand that you will have to work hard, you will have to put the time and effort in, and you will have to sometimes work your way up through unconventional methods because traditional doors are not open.

2) Learn to assimilate while not losing your culture
I feel that sometimes Black professionals are so concerned that their employers are trying to rape them of their culture and turn them into some Uncle Tom or some type of “Oreo.” I think that we sometimes can get so caught up in this that we become defensive. I admire Latino professionals because they manage to keep a good balance of being able to assimilate into corporate America, but be able to keep their culture. I think the key to doing this is to be able to separate that at home you have culture, but at work you have your profession. You should keep the two very separate, they’re different constructs.

3) Stick together, support your people
More and more organizations are always being developed. Over the last few years I have seen several Latino organizations being created in the professional space to support their people. I admire their cohesiveness as a people. They do a great job in my opinion of using their collective efforts in a professional manner to close the gap between them and the majority counterparts. We can learn from this and do this ourselves. Let’s begin to notice how some of our organizations such as NABA, Black MBA, CBC, etc. are weakening and losing their relevance and let’s have a revival and bring these programs back to where they need to be to support our people.

4) Entrepreneurship (Most Black people can’t even spell that ish)
I think that Black professionals as well as Latin professionals are doing a good job with Entrepreneurship, but I think it should not be discounted that the rate of Latin owned businesses opening are clearly exceeding those effort of us Black professionals. To piggyback off of my last point, we have to support each other, but moreover we need to be sharing that entrepreneurial language. (Let me preempt that I think this is a talent shared by African and Caribbean Black folk too, maybe this is just for us, African Americans to take heed.)

5) Education
Education has always been important to us. I admire that many of my Latino friends are like addicted to school. An undergraduate degree isn’t enough, a masters is the minimum. Certifications are a must. Be a doctor, a lawyer, etc. I admire this. And to think, Black people have been in this country for longer and this seems to still not be a priority for us.

I’m going to preemptively address some of your comments before I close. I should have prefaced this entire discussion with letting you know that Black encompasses a lot. I get a lot of comments from people who are like, I’m from Ghana and my parents instilled this in me, or I’m from Jamaica and my parents told me to… That’s all well and good, but when I looked at the things that I admire about “Luppies” I looked at the entire gambit of Black folk. Not just one country, one class, or one geographic area. So keep in mind, this is not a time for people to become separatist Black folk.

Neither is it a time for people to “Lil’ Ma” the spotlight. Listen, I think that Black people are beautiful and we are doing our thing. In 2009, we have made so many leaps and bounds that our ancestors would be more than proud of us today in these last days of our Lord. But let’s be able to sometimes take our seats and give a round of applause.

I’m interested to hear your thoughts Buppies and for those Luppies who are reading your thoughts as well. Happy Latino Heritage Month and I encourage all to take some time this month and educate themselves on something new pertaining to the month.

Why I hate buppies

http://whatdcpeoplehate.blogspot.com/

is written by an uber fabulous woman who lives her life for her. Her blog is a combination of her daily rants and events reviews. Above all its is always *true*. In the spirit of showcasing good blog love, and I dearly enjoy True. She wrote this feature just for us. Enjoy and show her blog some love.

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Yall know that I love everyone and the diversity of people. But you buppies, yall can be quite aggravating. Not 100% cause I done kicked it with a few of yall. But seriously..somethings…Ugh..read on…

What I hate about D.C Buppies

1. You don’t know anything about them other then how many degrees they have. The conversation goes like this “so what do you like to do” them: “Get my 2^nd masters and PHd”…”No what do you LIKE to do..like outside of that “ “Is there anything outside of that?” “what do you like to do for fun”..Fun….”whats that..im working towards my 5^th degree.”

2. All they do is work…WORK WORK WORK..and work…AND WORK..the hell you working so much for. You gon be old by the time you get finished doing all that work. Working all them hours and all that time so you can live comfortably. And by the time you done, you gotta move to a retirement home LMAO. Never statisfied MOFOS lol

3. They think they better than everyone else…WHY..I dunno. Cause they are in more debt than others from home ownership and college loans and what not? Cause they have the entire alphabet behind their name? Cause they pay too much for rent just to say they live in a certain area…BOOO…

4. They care too much what people think – wtf..do yall dance, sing, get loud, have a hair out of place. Sometimes I think yall are effing robots. I bet you if you go near water you will malfunction. Mm Hm…I know that’s the real reason why you don’t see buppies getting into the pool at pool parties and why they claim they can’t get their perms wet. Whatever. Yall aint human..I want to see some sweat or blood or something. So what if you like Gucci Mane. Your 15 degrees won’t get revoked if you do something ignant every once in a while. No one is REALLY watching you..trust me.

5. Buppie MEN don’t think any woman is good enough for them - yall might as well date eachother since you too good for every damn woman you meet. You’d be quick to by a round of drinks for your man but not 1 dranks for that pretty lady standing next to you. UGH…like I said. Date eachother. Dammit..better yet..date your degrees

6. Buppie Women..STOP HOLDING UP THE DAMN WALL in the club. It has support beams. Let the beams do their job. Smile too. I know its hard for you to smile when your weave is so tight or your perm has burned your scalp, but its going to be alright. We see that you fly? You don’t have to mean mug us to get us to notice it. Smile and be proud that you independent and on your way to wealth. Besides..your nose will get stuck that way (shoot that’s probably what you want)

7. Stop Discriminating - yall worse than racist mofos. Yall got education discrimination, area discrimination, job discrimination, salary discrimination, house discrimination. DAMN..Im bout to write the NAACP about our own damn people call Farrakahn and Al Sharpton. Yall need some sensitivity classes and some reality check 101. SHYT HAPPENS..its not above you.

8. They all seem to be the damn same. They act the same, talk the same, like the same things. Shoot. That’s how you can spot them. You can’t tell them apart. If they say “We” all look alike its cause of you damn buppies. Least with ghetto girls you can tell the difference by what color they have on.

You know what, maybe its because they don’t have degrees on how to be yourself. If you can’t learn it in a college or textbook or spend thousands learning it, then its something you don’t possess or know how to do. Do they have degrees in PERSONALITY? If so yall need to obtain one. Matter of fact, let me start the True’s College of Personality. This will not be online, it will be accredited and will count towards your degree in getting of your high horsededness.

Now don’t get me wrong, I know not all buppies possess all these qualities. Some do some don’t. And PLEASE I’m not asking you to change. Hell you don’t affect me in anyway other than the monotony of your lives being in my face all the damn time. That’s cool tho. Someone’s gotta be a buppie just like someone’s gotta take out the buppies trash.

True

I'm Focused, How Can You Not Love That?

Dr. J is currently writing a book, writing on three blogs, (guest posting on several others), taking a life coaching class, and being a life coach to a few. He’s a busy man. In addition, he also is a Black urban professional who excels in corporate America by day and networks by night. Dr. J is a busy man. I’ll be the first one to tell you that I hate when someone says I’m too busy for [blank] because I’m focused on my career because it is a frequent cop out. But what I will say is that nothing is more attractive than someone going out and doing well for themselves and being focused on bettering themselves. Of course I get told by people that I should slow down, or take time to chill out, but the fact of the matter is the world is full of guys who aren’t bout nothing. Seems like the second a guy is about something women are upset about that too. I’ve got to admit that’s confusing to me.

I think women will say they appreciate that about a man but the first thing out of their mouth is you need to slow down and make some time for me. Wait, let’s clarify, are you asking me to move you up in the list of priorities or are you asking me to stop doing something else and spend more time with you? I’m trying to figure out if my focused mentality is attractive even if I’m willing to let it go for a woman.

I’d really like to do a deep dive on this whole, “come to me” approach women have but I really do not have the time. It’s just amazing to me that someone will be like I don’t know you because we haven’t really chilled a lot together. In these days and times if you have to understand that if you’ve been out with me once or twice that’s a crapload of more time and effort than 95% of the women out here get. To have the nerve then to be like, ‘it seems like all you want to do is chill in the house.” No, what I’m really saying is, I’ve expressed interest in you, but you should know that my priority will not be spending time out in the streets trying to court you spending money on dates two or three nights a week. Also, neither will it be once a week over the course of a month or two. To be quite honest, I don’t have that much time to spend getting to know you. Either you get it, you want it or you don’t.

I sincerely have had situations where I’ve been told that someone really hasn’t had the opportunity to get to know me and I’ve sat and explained to them, well, that’s because you don’t understand how I work. If you want to maximize the time we spend together or you are interested in spending more time, then I’d recommend that you fall in. What does that mean? That means, I work from 8AM-6PM, meet me for happy hour after, if not, then meet me at my house in the evening. I have work to do. This is big… do not get offended if when we are chilling, my laptop is open or I’m on my Blackberry. I can either spend time with you and do work/blog, or I can stop spending time with you and then devote my undivided attention to my work/blog. Make a decision. Yes, I know, there will be times when I will put the BlackBerry down, I will close my laptop, and I will give you my undivided attention, but don’t be a nag. Every time I pick up my BlackBerry is not a time for you to sigh.

Where am I trying to go with this one? Ah yes, priorities. My priorities in life are very career-oriented. However, I do not shut the opportunity for romance or a love interest out. All I ask is that as a man who is not acting like an ain’t ish brother, please find that attractive and respect it. I could be one of those guys who does nothing but work an hourly shift and come home and play Madden for 4 hours. I think a woman should seek out that “busy” characteristic in a guy. To an extent, you don’t want a guy who has no time for you, but you should seek out a guy who has priorities and something going on for him. Lastly, as terms & conditions, I will eliminate what does not fit in place. I also reserve the right to eliminate what does not fit without notifying the other party. I feel as though, if you really want to know why, you’ll ask and I’ll tell you. Don’t get mad at the result.

That is all for now. I’ll be back with more commentary soon. Next up: Are the Buppies being outdone by the Luppies? (In honor of Latino Heritage Month)

A Man Scorned.....

....aint got SHIT on a woman scorned! Recently I have been speaking with quite a few guys who blame their infidelity, lack of trust, and intolerance for relationships on ONE thing. A woman who hurt them. Maybe it was 6 months ago or maybe five years ago. However, these men are carrying some BAGGAGE! Here are some quotes from these men I speak of:

"Man, women aint shit. They always talking about how dirty us men are but they just as wild if not wilder than us!"

"It just takes me a while to open up because I been hurt before and that shit was not cool."

"That dirty bitch slept with my bestfriend! I know she aint her but man who knows what THIS woman is capable of?!"

"Women are cheaters just like men they just more clever with they shit! TRUST ME I know!"

"You can't really love any of these women out here. They get comfortable and act up. You can't trust these broads man! Who knows if I will ever settle down."

Now women are often looked at as bitter bag ladies when we have these sentiments but I have a feeling that many men really hold onto these feelings for much longer than the ladies do. Even though we may say we don't trust men we are liable to trust a partner quicker after heartbreak than men are, I believe. I think this is for a number of reasons:

1) It takes a LOT more for a man to open up emotionally to a woman. So if they are hurt or betrayed once they do decide to open up......ALL US BITCHES ARE EVIL! Like seriously c'mon fellas. Being hurt one time or another is apart of love. Some of these men need to take their own advice and stop blaming every woman for the faults of ONE bad one. But I do understand once a man is emotionally exposed weakness comes into play and we know men aren't trying to appear weak. So take advantage of their weakness and you got some big time problems.

2) Pride Plain and simple. Men are some prideful creatures. They don't like being wrong, taken advantage of, or manipulated into thinking someone is sincere when in fact they are not. But does anyone really like feeling like that? Uhhhh NO! One guy I spoke with simply said, "Yall women are sneaky! I will never trust another woman completely again." Like dude get serious. Put ya damn pride aside and examine yourself cuz you sound real foolish right now! I mean I have trust issues too but I can't say based on any of my bad apples that I will never fully trust another man. That just sounds like it will lead you to an unhappy, insecure, lonely life. I mean am I trippin?

3) Could it be that once true feelings are involved that maybe men are more emotional than women? I mean it is just a thought. Every person is different so who is to say who is more emotional from relationship to relationship. However, quite a few of the men that inspired this blog just sound like they were wining without the squeekiness in their voice. Like why are your feelings more hurt or why is your heartbreak any more intense than anyone else's that has been through it?

Now I know all men are not this extreme when they are hurt. However, every man, and woman for that matter, shows a little unknown fury when they are scorned. It is just becoming more apparent to me how REAL and lasting a man's fury can be when they are betrayed. But I ask all the guys that feel this way, whether it is mild or extreme, to not make every woman pay for one's mistakes. I mean c'mon yall hate when we do it.

Just my thoughts.....

Feature Blogger: I'm Sorry Mr. President

I would like to introduce you to Something Special! She is fellow blogger, and I enjoy her work very much. I want you to support and subscribe to speakresponsibly.blogspot.com today. It is a buppie must! Check this here blog out. Awesome Thoughts! and Buppie Men, please comment!

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I've been forming this particular entry in my mind for awhile now. I did a entry not to long ago stating a Woman needs to be a Queen if she wants to be blessed with a King. I still stand by that and now I'm out again to speak to the guys. Your a special case; you can't just be King. You need to be King, Priest, and Prophet.

I first came across this theme months ago listening to a teaching from Bible Study entitled "Why Can't We Get Along" which discussed some of the difficulties men and woman face while dating (Fabulous teaching find it and more great ones at http://www.chrisburgeministries.org/). At the time I heard the theme I understood it but having had an opportunity to marinate on it awhile I've realized its importance.

King in Scripture very generally used to denote one invested with authority, whether extensive or limited. I am a Queen (or rather one in training lol I still got some relationship kinks to work out); and the only suitable mate for a Queen is a King. A King that is well aware of his position and the responsibility that comes with it. He is the provider (and that is not just in terms of dollars and cents), protector, and is called to lead("with a humble heart and loving service to your wife"). Also the bible talks about this little thing called submission that has been misconstrued far to often. God NEVER said we are inferior to our mates. "Headship" means that God has called the man to lead his home—and will therefore hold him personally responsible for what goes on in his home. The emphasis is on responsibility and accountability, not on authority and power.” To submit to your mate is not weak. Women was created to be Man's help mate so it is clear that we must recognize his role and put him first. As his help mate we must understand that he has the final decision. Notice I said FINAL decision; whatever the issue it should be discussed amongst you both before a final decision is made. While dating you should be looking for traits that let you know that you can respect and trust the decision your mate makes. If he wasn't good with his finances when he was single, if he hasn't fixed the issue by time he says "I do" don't expect good financial decisions to be made for your family. No I'm not telling you to let your husband run your family to the poor house; I'm telling you to take preventative measures BEFORE you get married so you can trust in those decisions later.

Priest At first every man was his own priest, and presented his own sacrifices before God. Afterwards that office devolved on the head of the family, as in the cases of Noah (Gen. 8:20), Abraham (12:7; 13:4), Isaac (26:25), Jacob (31:54), and Job (Job 1:5). Your mate is charged with making sure the family is spiritually grounded. Laying the foundation for his Queen and their children. He needs to not only pray WITH his family but pray FOR his family. He must set an example for them to help with their spiritual growth. He has to know and make sure his family knows he is in 'power' but God is in control. He has to "lead his wife and children into God's presence for worship, to remind them of God's Grace and mercy in forgiving their sins and to intercede on their behalf".

Prophet was a spokesman for God; he spake in God's name and by his authority (Ex. 7:1). He is the mouth by which God speaks to men (Jer. 1:9; Isa. 51:16), and hence what the prophet says is not of man but of God (2 Pet. 1:20, 21; comp. Heb. 3:7; Acts 4:25; 28:25). A man needs to have a vision for his family. Not a only a vision for HIS future, but his entire families future. What kind of future does he see for his family? For his marriage? For his children? Is he thinking in terms of generational blessings? Generational blessings will not just serve his family NOW it will serve his family long after he has passed and gone.

Now just yesterday while talking to a male friend of mine he told me I maybe looking for a needle in a haystack. Asking a man to be King, Priest, and Prophet may be a bit much he said. He told me that he and his wife operate on a governmental scale. He is the President and she is the VP. Now I'm not knocking their union at all but I encourage you all to do what works for YOU.

This would not work in my favor for several reasons. To name a few: (A)There is a not so clear separation between Church and state; that will not work in my household. (B)The president's job is temporary whereas the King's position is till death. Too many marriages these days think in temporary terms when the vows clearly state: "Till Death do us part,". Now if you made modified vows ignore that last one! (C)Also though the President is the face of the country there is still congress and the judicial system; and that brings way to many opinions into my household. Having spoken with a couple divorcees: congress not passing a bill has been the reason for many impeachments to date. I'd like my household to consist of two decision makers: King and Queen. If I wanted a group discussion I'd of got down with polygamy. (D)Lastly, I don't need to worry about campaigning, primaries and elections. NY Times nor Barack's endorsement holds a candle to God's endorsement and appointment. Therefore, no need for me to go looking for a needle in a haystack. God will present me to my King, Priest and Prophet when I'm deemed ready(see: when I finally get the major relationship kinks out and can call myself a Queen). I have faith in THAT; So I'm sorry Mr. President but I'd rather have a King, Priest, Prophet

For further study on this subject go to this website for more information it was truly helpful to me along with my own thoughts and bible study notes. http://www.cbmw.org/Online-Books/Building-Strong-Families/The-Husband-as-Prophet-Priest-and-King

Free Healthcare! Sign Up Now!

I get amazed at politics in this country. And I realize that this country becomes more and more socialist every day. I make a concerted effort to remain bipartisan. The result is a lot of people being quick to judge me as a republican when in reality I’m closer to neither. People who are informed about politics in America know that the differences between Republican and Democrat in this country are very small and often insignificant. At times, they flare up but generally speaking it’s about word association. Think about it this way, you have Bloods and you have Crips, both sides have their own agenda and their personal stance on the situation, but does that change that they are both inherently flawed, nope. Same with politics in America.

I think that misinformed people are so into being “democrat” or “involved” that they fail to realize when the party has gone completely off its rocker. They fail to hold people accountable for things they have said they would provide in their administration. Today, I’ll briefly touch on healthcare, because this needs to be said. I’ll be concise and then perhaps we can get some dialogue going…

Since Obama has entered the White House there has been nothing but Democratic policy being passed and old Republican policy being overturned, tossed out, and thrown to the waste side. This is what usually happens when a new regime takes over. Out with the old, and in with the new. There has been more transparency before, but it comes as a smack in the face to the Republican side that Obama and his democrats are so gaudy to pass legislation that disrespects the GOP and basically says, “Yeah, well what are you going to do about it?” The problem I see here is that Obama’s administration promised bipartisanship, and we have yet to receive that. (This is what happens every administration and we wonder why we have the problems we do. New administration comes in and completely reverses everything the last did. It’s counterproductive. But I thought Obama promised us change? Womp.)

As it pertains to healthcare, the Democrats went on their side of the house, developed their policy and then shoved it on the floor. They didn’t include the Republicans in their policy development, because they had it under control. When the republicans received this proposed solution to healthcare they reacted like babies. They were tired of being left out of the room where the important things are going on and they were going to show it. So what did they do, they showed their ass. They just started throwing wrench after wrench into the proposed solution. Admittedly, some of their points don’t even make sense. I’m sure they do not want things to stay the same, what they want is they just want a seat at the table to develop the policy too.

This sounds like a bunch of elementary school children. However, this is my issue with Congress. They act like a bunch of babies and nothing gets done. I mean, it should be stated that it’s neither the GOP nor the Democrats who can blame anyone. They end up arguing and they get to a stalemate and nothing gets done. It is business as usual. So why are we so concerned with picking sides?

Let’s cut the malarkey and get this healthcare bill passed. I could give a f*ckless about a public option or not. What I do care about is the inability for congress to operate as a legislative body. I find it problematic that the two sides are supposed to allow Congress to be balanced and represent all Americans. However, these guys have forgotten what a true republic is and somehow feel like they have the power to spend their time in childish debates while people suffer without healthcare. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, just do something, I don’t care what you do, but show me you can do SOMETHING.

Office Romance: From the Archives

This is a throwback from 2008 on my Facebook notes. Back in the day I used to turn out some of the baddest most controversial Facebook notes known to man. Anyway, check out this oldie but goodie.

This story was written in the first person to protect the contributing authors. I quite frankly don't care if you think this is me, that would make me a hero. Correction, that would make me more of a hero.

I’ve always struggled with the idea of dating someone at work. There are some important factors to consider here though; the proximity rule, free alcohol, and high stress. Everyone knows the best way to release stress is to bust a nut. And everyone knows that after a few drinks, even the ugliest have been known to get laid. However, the proximity rule may be new to you.

The proximity rule states that as you see someone over and over again, they eventually become attractive to you. This is your brain’s reaction to, “Well, this is all I’m going to get!” Think back to when you were in college at some of the people you thought were so fine. Looking back on it, they weren’t that good looking; they were the best of the crop.

Anyway so I started finding my coworker attractive and we developed a bond, we enjoyed happy hour. Almost daily, we had a routine; we would hang around until everyone left and then go to happy hour for a couple hours before saying good bye and heading home on Metro. The next day we’d entertain each other on how hung over we were. All that led to a time where we went out for happy hour, mind you our coworkers were there, we got drunk, we then left and went to another bar to keep drinking, and then we ended up at her place messing around and BOOM, I’m now having sex with my coworker. This didn’t last for long as with most things, I had no intentions on seriously dating my coworker and she couldn’t handle having sex with someone she was never going to be in a relationship with.

You’d think I learned my lesson, but no… a few weeks later I find myself attracted to yet another coworker. She was tough, a Dominican shorty at the job. Of course, I played my cards right, went to a few happy hours, kept up a heavy flirtation rotation and BOOM, I’m now having sex with my coworker. This was actually good though, because she wasn’t catching feelings, and let me know early she had no intentions of catching feelings. Until one day after a late night out on the town, I send her a “drunk text” and she doesn’t respond. At work the next week, she’s acting weird, two weeks later; she walks in with an engagement ring on.

Wait a minute… people don’t just get engaged in two weeks. She had a boyfriend this whole time. I wonder how that guy feels about his fiancé right now. He’s getting down on one knee, and she’s getting on her knees in other ways. “I feel sorry for you guys who have to pick a wife out of this bunch.” –Chris Rock

You’d think I learned my lesson, but no… a few months later I see this fat ass and slim waist walking through the office, fast forward… BOOM, I’m having sex with my coworker. The next week she comes in, she has on an engagement ring too! Now she won’t talk to me.

WTF… I thought I’d share this crazy story with you. I’m not sure who’s wrong, the person who keeps sleeping with his coworkers or these women who are married, engaged, or have boyfriends who are cheating so much. It is stories like this that make me reluctant to trust women.

What do you buppies think about that? Speak on it!

Ask Buppie: A Lil Bit Frustrated

I'm a bit frustrated with the dating scene at the moment. This guy I met a few months ago sends me a text message about when will he see me again? He brought pizza one time we went out, but when I suggest we do something fun and go out he wants to know if I'm going to treat. My first response is excuse me? And I want to say heck no, but I don't.

I usually I don't have a problem offering, but I do it - I do not like to be asked or demanded upon me to fork out the money for a date. He says all this about how none of us have money and he understands I have an internship and he has kids to support... umm excuse me is that my problem? I didn't tell him to go out and have two kids. If he has child support to pay that's on him. Plus I didn't say anything about doing stuff that cost lots of money. Okay if we're tight on cash why not suggest doing something fun and low cost? DC has plenty of things going on that's free or cheap - why make it all about money? Oh did I mention this is the same guy who went out and traded in his car after he saw me with a new car? He didn't celebrate with me about my car - instead he kinda looked at it and really didn't say anything. My spirit told me he was jealous. He then calls me weeks later saying guess what he has a new car and maybe I'll get to see it. Haven't seen it yet and really don't care honestly.

I mean is this really the dating scene in the DMV? I'm sorry I don't pay for a man who isn't my man. I will, but only if I choose to do so. It just irritates me to be asked. Am I wrong?


A Bit Frustrated,

UMMM NEEEEXT! Yeah this dude is WILD. I believe it is a rule that if YOU ask me out YOU pay. And if I ask you out I will pay but am open to the option of you still offering to pay. My next question was do you ask to do ridiculously expensive things? But you say: Okay if we're tight on cash why not suggest doing something fun and low cost? This shows me that you are open to a low cost alternative for your date. I mean if dude is too broke to date he needs to stay at the crib. Even on early dates I offer to pay for part of the date i.e. you pay for dinner and I will pay for the movie. I also see that you said: I usually I don't have a problem offering, but I do it - I do not like to be asked or demanded upon me to fork out the money for a date. As you shouldn't! Because a guy asking you up front is TACKY! Men should go out prepared to deal with the money situation however it will be and so should WOMEN. I believe women should go out prepared to finance the whole date just in case you run into a cheep skate like this dude you are talking about! Yeah I would straight ask him, "Dude, if you can't afford to go out why you calling me asking me out on a date?" Get ya broke ass out of here! I agree your child support is YA PROBLEM not mine. UGH I feel for you girl!

As far as the whole car situation yeah it is a lil sketchy. I want someone who will celebrate and encourage me when I do things or at least acknowledge it! AND If he is so damn broke paying child support how was he able to trade his car in? Did he downgrade? Yeah he sounds like loser material, sorry. I hate to judge but I call em as I see em.

As for the dating scene in the DMV....yeah no comment. (LOL) However I will say this; I came all the way across the world to South Korea which is one of the most populous places in the world. There are ONLY a little more than a million foreigners here so even less black men and I managed to find a fine, hardworking, family oriented, open minded, spiritually in tune black man to seriously date within 6 months of being here. I lived in the DMV for a little over a year where there are black men EVERYWHERE and was encountered with HOTNESS left and right! NO JUDGEMENT ON DMV MEN THOUGH! LOL I know I aint meet every man it has to offer. (Thank GOD)

Happy Hunting!,

Up&Coming Buppie

Young Cons

You already know, what are your thoughts!?!

Relationships vs. Business

So my boss over here in Korea is not just my boss. She has become one of my closest friends here. We go to eat all the time. We discuss work, men, spirituality, etc. She is one of my new best buds. So when she invited me to dinner and said that if I left her school she would die I felt really awkward.

*Sidebar*
I am really thinking about staying in Korea for another year. Now if I were to do so I already pretty much made up in my mind that I was going to switch schools. The school that I work in now is like a family. I have formed some very great, and I believe lasting, relationships with the people who are there. However it is a private school and the vacation is almost non-existent and I do MORE work than many foreign teachers. However on the upside I make very decent money.

So anyway at this dinner she goes on to say how she believes relationships are the most important elements of business and she believes that as long as we continue to be friends I should be fine working at her school. (It is Korean style for people to tell you what to think and how to feel. They do not ask questions they just tell you.)

I am very nervous about addressing this situation when the time comes. However, I feel like I need to give her the heads up that I am leaving so she can find another native speaking English teacher. Before I bail on this school though I am going to tell them my demands and see if they can be met, which I doubt. I just think ultimately this may ruin a friendship.

I didn't come all the way on the other side of the world just to work. I came to travel and chill as well. Is that unreasonable? All my peers are traveling and constantly getting time off and I am trapped in my school all the time.

Am I being unreasonable?

The Awkward Phase

The awkward phase has begun. You know that point in a relationship where you are no longer just friends and you are really beginning to like a person but it is still undefined. Yep! MNG and I have officially arrived at that place. I am pretty sure we are on the same page about what we expect and do not expect from one another. We are still learning a lot about one another so I am not ready to be in a full on relationship with him however I do believe that there is still a certain amount of exclusivity and expectations in our relationship.

Characteristics and Situations of the Awkward Phase:

Where are you going?
Since you like this person when they are not with you, you really want to know what they are up to, where they are going, who they are spending time with etc. MNG always offers up this information so I never really ask until he opens the door. He is very sociable and I understand has a lot of friends that he hangs out with. Sometimes I tag along sometimes I don't. But I notice in this phase I personally want to ask a million and one questions about his whereabouts.

Introductions
So my mother visited South Korea this month. She has heard a lot about this gentleman so she asked if she was going to meet him not to mention he asked me if I planned on introducing the two of them. I don't like to willy nilly introduce someone to my mother. She tends to get attached very quickly especially if the guy is nice. However, they met and hit it off quite well. I never know how to introduce him or what to tell people he is to me. Like he is not just a friend but he is not my man per say either soooooo........ yeah. This is MNG! That's it!

Making Demands
It is only natural for us women, and men too I guess, after reaching a certain point to want definition and find ourselves making demands in our heads that we will soon expect our significant other to meet. I get nervous about making demands. They usually fall into place in my relationships so I do not have to make them. But what if they don't just fall into place? What if ones feelings are moving faster than the others and one starts to make demands before the other is ready? I honestly try to hold out as long as I can before I take it there. My last serious relationship was easy because it moved super fast. Which is part of the reason it is over. Therefore I am in no hurry to get to this place but I see it coming.

Extreme Vulnerability
A few weeks ago MNG did something to piss me off. He could sense it even though I did not say anything and he just asked straight out, "Soooo you gonna tell me what is bothering you?" It was honestly quite difficult for me to open up and tell him in a sensible way why he had upset me. I felt quite vulnerable and I HATE being vulnerable. Once I expressed my issue we discussed it and he apologized but I noticed the whole situation made him quite vulnerable too. He knew he was wrong but he clearly expressed to me that he doesn't like being wrong. But who likes being wrong? No one that I know of. So we both had to get over ourselves to resolve the situation.

One things for sure, whether you are in a relationship or building up to a possible one, maintaining a healthy relationship is hard work. Communication is the main key. But as I get older it dawns on me how challenging it is to have a lasting relationship that will work out for both parties. I hear so many of my friends talking about trying to find a good man or the right woman. Well I believe I have found one but it is still hard work! I think at times us Bups forget that key element in a relationship.....WORK! The awkward phase in a relationship is to me where the work usually begins. Now work in a relationship often takes us out of our comfort zone, forces us to admit when we are wrong or unreasonable, exercise extreme patience, and be very understanding of the other's needs. Granted if it's right things will fall into place and most of the work will be subliminal. But still you can't want a man or woman and not be willing to put in some work.

So Bups are you prepared to put in work for that relationship you want? Like seriously?! It can be a little awkward to say the least.

Wanting a Career Change with No Direction

I get this email over the weekend from a friend who is trying to change careers. And I really want to help the person, but I am reminded of how often I get these emails. People are looking for a career change and they are searching for someone to connect them with someone who will give them a job or an opportunity. I’ll tell you right now, if I recommend you to one of my contacts, chances are you’re going to get a job because I have a reputation of the people I connect. I also can tell you, that I’m not perfect and I have been called before from my contacts and they’ve been quick to say, “Who the hell did you send my way?! This person is a hot mess.” So for that reason I am very careful who I recommend.

I think that we all have desires to better in our life, but sometimes we are quick to ask for that “hook up” before we think logically about what we are doing. Epiphanies are great, I understand that. But you know what really speaks volumes, a well organized presentation. PERFECT EXAMPLE, I don’t know if many of you watch Entourage, but Turtle goes to Ari with a business proposition. The conversation they have is profound. Ari tells Turtle that before he introduces him to investors, he has to prove that his idea is a good one. And that takes effort and time. You have to sit down and figure out a plan for how things are going to work out.

So if you are a government worker, who works as an administrative aide, do not send me an email telling me you have determined that you passion is in event planning and would like to me to connect you with people in my network. A better approach would be to first start off by asking me what advice I can give you. And to be honest with you, I’m probably going to send you to one of my contacts then. But, I will preface your interaction with them as advisory only. A person seeking to change careers wants advice on how to transition into that career. That advice may be as simple as you need to get some education, or it may be jobs on a smaller level that you can take to build that experience. However, I will still insist that you sit down and really think about what you want to do, what is your end goal and what you think it will take you to get there. Are you willing to do all that will be required of you? Do you have a realistic idea of what you want to do? Are you willing to grind hard to enjoy the sandy beaches and summers off?

Just my thoughts.

With Respect, Dr. J

How About A Divorce Between The Right and The Left (Dwn Twn)

Oddly enough, this was circulated via email around my job. HR quickly replied how this was out of policy. As always share your thoughts..

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Original Article

Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists, Obama supporters, et al:

We have stuck together since the late 1950's, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has run its course. Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right so let's just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way.

Here is a model separation agreement:

Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each taking a portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes.

We don't like redistributive taxes so you can keep them. You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU, and abortion clinics. Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military. You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore, Katie Couric and Rosie O'Donnell...

We'll keep the capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart and Wall Street. You can have your beloved homeless, homeboys, hippies and illegal aliens. We'll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms and rednecks. We'll keep the Bibles and give you CBS, NBC, CNBC and Hollywood ..

You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we'll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us. You can have the peaceniks, and war protesters. When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we'll help provide them security.

We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values. You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism and Shirley McClain. You can also have the U.N., but we will no longer be paying the bill.

We'll keep the SUVs, pickup trucks American made cars and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Subaru station wagon you can find.

You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any practicing doctors. We'll continue to believe healthcare is not a right. We'll keep The Battle Hymn of the Republic and the National Anthem and "In God We Trust" where it belongs. I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing, Kum Ba Ya or We Are the World.

We'll practice trickle down economics and you can give trickle up poverty your best shot. Since it often so offends you, we'll keep our history, our name and our flag.

Would you agree to this? If so, please pass it along to other like minded liberal and conservative patriots and if you do not agree, just hit delete. In the spirit of friendly parting, I'll bet you ANWAR which one of us will need whose help in 15 years.

Sincerely,

John J. Wall
Law Student and an American

P.S. Also, please take Barbara Streisand and Jane Fonda with you.

Tick Tock Tick..My Clock Just Kicked in

This a bit of my random thoughts. This buppie is turning 25, and I'm starting to trip.

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It is just about 1 week until I hit my "mid -twenties". In the beginning of the year, I made a list of everything I wanted to accomplish prior to this Birthday.

1. Go to Medieval Times.
2. Learn to drive a Stick.
3. Shoot a Gun.

Odd list? Maybe, but I have not done any of this. Life is happening so fast around me, and I am becoming more aware that I am not getting any younger. This upcoming age must be the age where people take note too.

As nonchalant as I used to be about it, I am now more than ever painstakingly aware that I am SINGLE!! Every time I have seen my mother, she asks "Do you have a boyfriend yet?". My sister was engaged at 26 and married at 27. She looks at me with the side eye. My uncle asks be how old I am, and says "Next time I see you, you better be engaged".

Dammit! Are ya'll hearing this tick tocking clock too? I've been trying to muffle it with this here pillow, but the closer I get to mid twenties the louder it gets.

People always want to boost up everything they have going for yourself when you are young. "What! You only ! Wow. You have so much going for yourself!" or "You are young you have so much time to accomplish this or that." No, apparently I don't when it comes to MEN. When you get older, folks start questioning. There comes that point where they see all these good things about you, note your singleness, and now start to wonder "What's wrong with her?"

Really there probably is something wrong with me. But it is my hope its a wrong that one day somebody will love. I know I HAVE things. Those things only get you so far. I know how to look cute. I know how to buy a home. I know how to maintain a career. What I do not know is this find a life mate thing.....


...Or how to turn this fuggin Clock off.

Cash Rules

One of the best things about visiting a foreign land, is that you realize America is selling you sh!t on a platter. Granted we have many luxuries in the U.S that may not be so easily obtained elsewhere, I am pretty sure 75% of us could get over it.

We are having a crisis here that I am doubtful we are going to be able to change. What we need is a change in the American mentality of how we view money. Credit, Loans, the concept of making money off money, are all things we need to adjust.

In Ghana, CASH RULES. Credit! PFFt! YEA Right. Yea you can get it. Yea you can take a loan. But its going to be a 42% interest rate and by the way that's 42% monthly. Can't no one afford that! So everyone lives within their means. Everyone has a strong entrepreneurial spirit. From selling extensions cords on Spintex Road ( a Road in Accra, Ghana), To running kiosks in the dark African night with one lit candle. People are doing what they can do to get CASH.

One of the key differences that stood out the most to me is building a house. There is not a concept of mortgage, therefore no concept of foreclosures. When one wants to build a house, it takes years. Why? Cus you pay what you to got and build up to how much you can afford. A neighbor in Ghana has taken 8 years and she is still not complete. When money comes, she builds.

I wonder if Americans, now suffering through this recession in which credit and loans are largely to blame , would be able to take this approach? I am not that smart to figure out how we would transition, so skip that part in your response. Just ask yourself, could you live by cash only?